You be the Road
by lhbaghead
Summary: There is Kanda, who is stupidly pretty; there is Allen, who is stupidly infatuated with him; then there is Lavi and Lenalee, who have stupid plans to get them together. All in all, Allen isn't sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Really. AllenKanda
1. Chapter 1

Ah! The Yullen Story I've been working on for awhile, woefully unbeta'ed for my beta has- well, for a kind way of saying it, lost touch with me. But I've read it over three times and corrected what I think is wrong, so- hopefully! Hopefully it's fine.

Alright, and here is where we begin:

**Title**: You be the Road  
**Author**: lhbaghead/liar-kun  
**Fandom**: Man  
**Pairings**: KandaAllen, AllenKanda, (very slight, physical) LaviAllen  
**Rating**: NC-17, R, whatever is worst .  
**Warnings**: Boy's love, sex, violence, mentions of drugs and child abuse  
**Genre**: Romace, Comedy, Action  
**Summary**: There is Kanda, who is stupidly pretty. There is Allen, who is stupidly infatuated with him. There is Lavi and Lenalee, who have stupid plans to get them together. All Allen isn't sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Really.

And here we go .

----------------

It's just. Um.

Kanda is really _pretty _and _hot_ and when he takes off his shirt Allen kind of wants to do the things Cross does to women but. Um. Really, a lot more, actually. With a lot more _Oh, Allen _(though Allen knows Kanda will never call out his name. Ever. He just doesn't know how to bring love into sex with Kanda, so, just. Um. _Oh, Allen_.) and sex and… Probably a lot less… _Debauchery_.

Anyways, when Lavi catches him fucking up into his fist while panting Kanda's name like a slut the red head just stares at him before bursting out laughing, leaving enough time for Allen to cover himself with what little sheets he has and die of mortification.

Then Lavi has the audacity to stare at him with pity in his eye (and, really, with Lavi, one eye was as good as two, so there was a whole lot of pity in that one eye) while Allen stutters an explanation ("Um, Kanda… was, uh. Being a dick earlier. And I wasn't concentrating and I was moaning out of _frustration_.") and even has the audacity to sigh and say "Oh, _Allen…"_ Like he was a saint himself, and, really. God, this was so embarrassing.

It gets even worse when the older teen sits down beside him, pats his covered knee, and says "Allen, Allen, Allen- This is not going to do at _all_."

---

So, when Lavi said _this is not going to do at all_, what he really meant is "Jacking off to Kanda is not going to get you _or _him anywhere, so we're just going to plan something devious where Yu-chan will fall madly and deeply in love with you and you'll go on to have lots of sex. Like you were imagining fifteen minutes ago, probably. Except Kanda will probably be a picky bottom. But anyway."

"And the first thing we have to do-" He continues, smiling happily while Allen is still trying to dignify himself by making a dress of his sheets whilst stumbling to the bathroom. He is so glad whatever horny little feelings he had before are dead now, because that would have been really been awkward to explain. "Is figure out what Yu-chan likes."

"Um." Allen says, because he doesn't really have experience in finding out stuff about people when they didn't volunteer it. Like, with Lenalee, it was easy because she liked talking about herself. Well, most girls did, actually. But even Lavi he knew some things about, even if the redhead was supposed to be objective about everything as Bookman Junior. And, okay, he was getting off topic, but, really. Finding out things about Kanda was probably akin to pulling metal spikes out of a bull's hoofs. And the one time Allen had done that it wasn't very pleasant, so, really. _Really._

"And we can make a list of what we already know!" Lavi kind of squeals, which is kind of disturbing in it's own right but Allen ignores it, because the other boy is really excited about this. For some reason.

Bookman Junior holds up one hand and starts flicking up fingers as he looks thoughtfully at Allen, who has finally managed to get some pants and a t-shirt on. Even though he isn't wearing any underwear. "He likes Soba, killing AKUMA, training, tea-"

"Tea?" Allen interrupts, because even if Kanda is Japanese he hasn't really ever thought of him as a tea drinker. Maybe because it's too calm of a drink and Kanda is five different kinds of surly.

"Yep. Tea. Darjeeling is his favorite." Lavi says happily, rocking forward on his ankles. "He tries to pretend he doesn't really like anything, but it's only cuz he's bitchy like that. Anyway."

"Anyway." Allen agrees, unsure of what else to say. To tell you the truth, he's kind of overwhelmed. But, uh- Kanda. He's learning about Kanda. Not that he ever said he wanted too. He's kind of happy with the way things are now- like, they're not trying to kill each other on missions and, sometimes, if it's really early in the morning, him and Kanda can actually sit at the same table (with some seats between them) and eat together. But not talk.

"-and! Oh! He likes violin music. Well, actually, we were on a mission in France and there was a minstrel playing on the street and he didn't say anything. Usually Kanda will snap at anything that resembles music."

Allen stares at Lavi for a second before choking out "_Violin _music?"

"Oh, yeah." Lavi says solemnly, as if Allen had just confessed to having a sexual liking for cream puffs and had asked if that made him crazy. "I'm guessing he's _mad _about the stuff if he didn't go up to the minstrel and shove the violin down his throat."

"… I really don't see how this is going to do anything, Lavi. Really. Thank you for trying to help, but-"

"Oh, no no no _no_." Lavi says, with a wicked gleam in his eye. Allen wonders if he's too stupid to be scared, or if he's just too used to the stupid schemes. "Now we put the plan into action. _Now_ we get our darling Yu-chan to fall in love with you."

"Um." Allen says again, and somewhere in the back of his mind he realizes he really is too stupid to be scared.

---

Before the apparent plan can go into action, Allen is confronted by a very triumphant looking Lenalee and a widely grinning Lavi.

One look at the petite girl and Allen knows he's doomed. Really, he wonders if he should just go fight the Earl now and avoid this whole mess. Or go and pay Rhode a visit- an alternate reality sounds nice right now. One where his life isn't being screwed up by his friends.

"You told _Lenalee_?" Allen stares, horrified, at Lavi, whose grin is a little ashamed. As it should be, Allen huffs.

"I had too. She's a woman with valuable knowledge. It's for your best interests."

Allen only barely holds back a self-pitying noise because he really, really wants to keep his dignity for this one. At least a bit of it. And usually, when the phrase 'it's for your best interests' is uttered, that is when you are presumably screwed out of any control of the situation.

Lenalee, instead, gives him a half pitying, half why-didn't-you-tell-me-sooner look, and proceeds to say. "Oh, Allen, it was so obvious- it was cute the way you guys always fought and you sulked afterwards."

Lenalee smiles.

Lavi smiles.

Allen gurgles, realizing, really, he should lock his door. And maybe move off the continent.

---

The plan is this:

Allen, when Lenalee is doing coffee runs, will help her. But instead of bringing coffee to Kanda, he will bring him tea.

"Why is this relevant?" Allen sulks. Because he feels like it. And he really doesn't want to bring Kanda tea.

"We have to start off small." Lavi and Lenalee say at the same time, which is really kind of freaky. Allen doesn't want to have two people out to ruin his life sharing a brain. More nonverbal scheming will go on and then he will be truly and utterly fucked.

Someone says something dirty in the back of his mind about how he would be fucked if this worked, anyway, but he tactfully deafens it with more sulking.

"By starting off small," Lenalee continues, with a sweet and innocent smile only a girl like her could pull off. Which is really a crime, Allen thinks. Girls like Lenalee shouldn't be allowed to pull boys like Allen along while smiling. "Kanda will notice you and maybe warm up to you a little. If you gave him roses and a new training katana or something like that, he'd throw it back in your face and avoid you because it seem weird."

"Well, he'd probably kick the bean sprout's ("It's _Allen_." "You know, I never noticed it before, but Kanda has you trained! That's so adorable!") ass first, than throw it back into his face. And stalk off."

"Exactly." Lenalee says, while Allen gurgles at the realization that, yes, he's been trained by Kanda. Oh, God. "So we start off slow and sweet. Oh, look! How convenient! I need to bring coffee to the Science Department soon! Let's go, Allen!"

Allen tries to remember what country he liked best, which would be the farthest away from here, and where he could pretend he didn't exist. For awhile.

---

"Uh, Kanda?"

Which, in retrospect, is not the best way to start off what might become an epic love story that involves a lot of sex and killing and… food. Or a combination of the three. Or something. Allen only realizes now he could have said no to all of this.

"What?" Kanda snaps, because he's like that; Allen suddenly remembers why he didn't want anything to do with this plan. Then promptly forgets it when Kanda turns around to look at him and, Holy mother of Mary he has no shirt on. His chest is wrapped up in bandages, sure, probably from his last mission, and his jacket is on and everything, but still. _Still._

"Uh." He starts, trying to keep his eyes on Kanda's but, really, it's _hard_.

"_What?_" Kanda says angrily, because he hates messing around with idiots. And Allen is the biggest idiot of them all.

"Oh! Uh! I bought you tea." Allen finally manages to get his fist out of his mouth than wonders why the hell he is so _terribly awkward_. Because, really. _Really._

Kanda kind of stares at him suspiciously before walking towards him with the air of an animal who isn't sure if what it's approaching is safe or not. When he finally gets near enough to snatch the ridiculously girly cup off the tray, Allen doesn't know where to look so instead kind of smiles at Kanda with scrunched up eyes while freaking out internally. His thoughts run along the line of _Jesus, he's not wearing a shirt. Maybe if I close my eyes, I won't have to suffer._

Kanda, without probably realizing it, makes a small hum of appreciation once he takes a sip, and his other hand comes to hold the cup gently under the bottom. Allen tries not to twitch when he hears the noise but fails horribly.

"Mm." Kanda says, and takes another sip, staring down at his tea in an expression of surprise, disbelief, and confusion. As well as some anger, because that's how Kanda always looks. Angry.

"Ugh." Allen replies, because he has nothing else to say to that sound.

"Did that stupid rabbit tell you?" Kanda utters, staring at him suspiciously and cradling the tea as if it were the only thing keeping him alive.

"Tell me what?" Allen automatically replies, then tries not to bash his head with the tray he has in his hands. _Smooth_, he thinks. _Wow, I'm impressive_._ I'm surprised Kanda isn't falling on his face right now._

Kanda scowls, and glares, and makes general unpleasant things happen to Allen's stomach. So it's really all quite normal- they're back to square one. At least, before, Kanda was making those sounds and Allen was trying not to think at all. "About the tea, bean sprout."

"It's _Allen_. And, no." He lies, but only because he's good at it. Any other time and he would be sweating bullets or other pieces of artillery. Then he realizes lying to someone whose heart (pants?) you're trying to get into isn't really the best way to go about it, so before he creates a horrific lie that would probably put him a thousand feet below ground if Kanda actually found out the truth, he says. "Lenalee told me to make this for you while she made the other's coffee. Why, do you like it?"

Kanda eyes him suspiciously, still holding the cup as if he was protecting it, and _che'_s at him. "It's better than coffee."

"Oh." Allen says, and smiles that polite little smile that he realizes a second too late Kanda hates. But he can't do a face fault now because it would look weird, so he just keeps on smiling. "I'll bring it to you from now on than."

"Whatever." Kanda declares gruffly, and abruptly turns around and walks off. As soon as he turns the corner Allen's smile drops and he hangs his head, wondering what in the hell was possessing him to do this.

The answer is given when Lenalee pats him on the shoulder out of nowhere and sighs, holding the coffee tray to her chest; beside her, Timcampy flutters, giving off a general air of condolence. "Oh, Allen." She sighs again, pitying. "That was. Um. Good. At least you two didn't come to blows."

"I tried." He says, kind of pathetically, as if to console himself. Lenalee smiles and pats his shoulder again, while Timcampy butts his head gently.

"I know." She says. "But let's move on, shall we?"

---

"I have to catch him in the _bath house_?" Allen squawks.

"Oh, well!" Here, Lenalee's hands flutter in aborted gestures, a blush stained bright on her cheeks; Allen stares at her until Lavi interrupts, throwing an arm around the shorter boy's shoulders.

"That's the most basic way of saying it." The red head exclaims happily, eye curved. Allen turns and stares at him, apprehension and disbelief in his eyes. "Because, as you know- or I hope you know since Cross was your Master and all- sexual desire sometimes speeds up the process of love-love. So, if Kanda sees you naked or, per say, can imagine you naked, it might not be so bad for him."

"… I have to go and catch him in the bath house?" Allen repeats weakly, imagining fifty different ways this could all go horribly wrong, and forty nine which would result in his death. Thirty which would result in his death by Mugen.

"Yes." Lenalee repeats after another moment, the blush fading into a light pink. "And since you already like him, it won't be a problem for you."

"But he'll _see _me." Allen whines, hands shooting up in the air in emphasize. "_Naked._"

"That's what we're counting on!" Lavi chimes in cheekily, drawing little circles in the air that obviously have some significant importance but just make him look like an idiot. "Then he'll want to have sex with you-"

Allen chokes, hands coming up to claw at his throat to try and somehow magically dislodge whatever was blocking his passageway. Maybe it was shame and embarrassment.

"-and then fall madly in love with you. Now, he baths between seven and eight in the Northwest baths. And it's five. Now go and eat, stud, you got a night ahead of you!"

---

It's not… Well, okay, Allen has had a lot of fantasies about Kanda. _A lot_. And it had probably started about their first mission together, in Martel, when he had been carrying the black-haired exorcist after he had passed out from being smacked around by that copycat level two.

When he had been carrying Kanda, he had been carrying him with one arm hooked under his arms and his jacket had been ripped to pieces and when Allen had touched his skin, he had started thinking about how smooth it was, despite the fact that Kanda had just been kicked around by an AKUMA. And that he felt strong. And, and- that was when he had to stop thinking because it was either finish the mission successfully or finish the mission successfully, but with a problem.

And then it had escalated, because Kanda _was_ beautiful, in all his righteous anger and self-sacrificing sense of duty. And, most of all, he was strong; Allen had spent all his life around strong men but Kanda was a different type of strong, closer to home. And he was beautiful.

So, in the end, Allen found himself jacking off to thoughts of Kanda, which made him feel guilty and, sometimes, the guilt got so bad he couldn't even look the other man in the face.

Not that Kanda knew anything about any of _this_. On top of him keeping it as a secret that he'd protect with his life, and one he figured was probably bigger than any debt Cross had ever accumulated, Kanda was… Well, Kanda was dense. Which was probably a lot better for Allen in the end, but really. Kanda could have at least looked at him oddly once in a while.

So Allen had been happy about keeping his dirty little secret a secret for the rest of his life, with Kanda by his side and sometimes taking off his shirt, until Lavi had walked in on him. Which had been really awfully embarrassing.

And, at the moment, Lavi catching him masturbating had landed him hyperventilating in the men's change rooms, clutching his towel for dear life and wondering why in the hell Lavi had locked the doors to the outside world. As if he'd escape _through the doors_.

He could really try the window. The window option was looking really good right now. He could survive a fifteen foot fall, he had done it before. That was one thing he could thank Cross for, the atrocious child abuse that had gotten him used to routinely trying to escape different places in creative and painful ways.

Then again, if he didn't at least try- and, as a kid, Mana had always made him try new things- like, there had been that one time with the chips and mustard and that had actually been pretty good-

_Okay_, Allen thought, _Okay. I can do this_.

Trying to stop himself from rambling further in his head manually isn't really doing much, obviously, so he tries to takes a deep breath. Fails. Takes a second one, which is marginally more successful. Then takes a step forward

His foot makes a small splash against the stone and this makes him take another deep breath; once he's sure his heart isn't about to burst from his chest, he opens his eyes and takes five strides until he's out in the open air.

Well, so far, so good. His towel hasn't fallen off; he hasn't slipped and made a fool of himself; and, most of all, _Kanda isn't there_.

Okay, well. Okay. He can't deny the tiny bit of disappointment, but he's really relieved actually. Allen wasn't really good at the whole control-of-body thing, which he thought was quite understandable because he was seventeen, and seventeen year olds thought about sex a lot. Or at least he thought so, because- well. He was seventeen.

But to come to the baths and not take a bath was a waste so he tries to put Kanda out of his mind and focus on taking a nice, refreshing, unaccompanied bath. _Alone_.

Slipping into the bath is probably the most heavenly thing Allen has felt all day. And of yesterday. Actually, it's the most refreshing feeling since this whole plan had started taking place, which causes him to think about the whole thing. About trying to get Kanda to fall in love with him.

And he had never admitted to _liking _Kanda, anyway. He liked Kanda's body sure enough, yeah, but Kanda as a person wasn't all that great. He was surly and an asshole at the best of times, and at the worst of times Allen secretly wished that there was a cliff close enough so he could push the taller man off. Even then, Kanda would probably survive and bitch at him in his loud and annoying voice. And his sense of duty was a little extreme and he was always, always angry. Allen was surprised he hadn't died of a popped blood vessel yet.

But then there were Kanda's good qualities, which always threw a whole toolbox in the works when Allen actually thought about them, as seemingly nonexistent as they were.

Kanda was passionate and intense to a fault; sure, you could find that in a lot of people, but the way Kanda did things was to the very best of his abilities, and sometimes even past what he could do, and with a vigor one would be hard pressed to find anywhere else. And his sense of duty and loyalty were also really endearing, because he never let anyone down. And his possessiveness was kind of hot, too; Allen was still secretly astonished that Kanda had so vehemently denied help against Skin Boric when it was that Noah, after all, who had been trying to kill Theodore Tiedoll.

Then there was Kanda's body, which had really started this whole mess to begin with.

On the end, Kanda's good qualities piled on top of his bad qualities if you could get over the asshole-ish attitude the older man presented everyone with.

But he still didn't really know if he liked Kanda in _that way_. Because, really. They always fought, no matter what- it was kind of disgusting how much they fought. He was sure Lavi and Lenalee had already been sick of them by Allen's first month at the Order.

He didn't really need to think about how he 'liked' Kanda right now though. Right now, he was alone in the bath. He could enjoy himself thoroughly and maybe ignore the whole thing for a while.

"Bean sprout?"

"It's _Allen_, BaKanda!" He replies automatically, and automatically despairs when he realizes his chances of relaxation had just been taken out back and shot.

"You still look like a bean sprout to me." Kanda says from somewhere up above him. Allen's eyes snap open once he realizes this, and when he finally focuses on Kanda he splutters, flinging himself forward.

"You-! Kanda!"

"What?" The black-haired exorcist says grumpily, standing before the baths in what was a terribly short towel. And terribly short towels always equaled terribly stupid bean sprouts, he finds.

"Ugh!" He exclaims in indignation, standing in the water and wondering how deep it is and if he could drown himself in it. Because Kanda's short towel was really short, and, wow, he did have nice legs- all muscled and long and- _wow_-

Than Kanda takes off his towel and Allen promptly dunks his head into the bath, eyes wide and stinging while his heart beats furiously inside his chest. He wouldn't be surprised if the innocent fragment that was holding his heart together fell off because he was dying of a _heart attack_.

And- and Kanda's _dick_-

Allen lets out a burst of air and chokes, comes up spluttering.

"Ugh." He repeats, hands coming up to wipe desperately at his eyes and face. When he finally manages to open them, he automatically zooms in on the slightly amused, slightly weirded out face of Yu Kanda.

"What are you doing, idiot?" He hisses, arms spread across the rock as he settles into the bath. The tattoo on his chest stands out prominently against his skin, and Allen stares, because he- Kanda was _naked _in front of him. _Naked._

"Um." Allen says, then opens his mouth further to let more stupidity fall out. "I was checking to see how hot it was."

There's silence, which Allen was expecting in the first place but isn't really ready for. And Kanda is making generally unhappy and unpleasant things happen to his stomach again because he was really, really hot, with his hair plastered to his neck and water dripping down his chest-

"_Freak._" Kanda spits, eyes narrowed.

"At least I don't look like a _girl_." Allen retorts, hoping to God the blush on his cheeks looked like the heat getting to him. Then he backtracks because commenting on Kanda's looks was so not the way to go with insults right now.

"What was that, bean sprout?" Kanda growls, pulling him out of his self-hatred for liking how Kanda looked. "Do you want me to cut you up?"

"I said you look like a girl, BaKanda!"

Kanda stands up abruptly, arms set akimbo as he glares down at the shorter boy, who was trying so terribly hard not to look down. "Say that again and I'll pull out your hair and sell it to some geezers who actually need it."

"Ah, Kanda, you suck at insulting people. You used that same one before!" Allen sticks out his tongue, places his hand on his hip but taking care as not to stand up all the way. Because- well, he said before he was seventeen.

The black-haired exorcist scowls, eyes glinting dangerously as he looks at him with hatred. Allen tries not to think about how Kanda's body looks with water running down it. "Do you want to fight, bean sprout?"

Allen _che_'s at him, copies his stance and rolls his eyes. "Ah, Kanda, you're probably too tired trying to think of new things to say. Why don't you take a break from all that thinking instead? You couldn't fight me if you tried!"

And, in all reality, Allen didn't want to fight Kanda because fighting Kanda would mean their bodies would be _touching_ and he didn't actually want to touch Kanda at the moment, because, well, Kanda would feel _certain parts of Allen_, and then it would be all terribly awkward and messed up. Kanda wouldn't talk to Allen anymore and Allen would probably despair because he'd probably feel even guiltier jacking off to Kanda until the whole thing he had for Kanda blew over. Which would probably take a very long time, especially if Kanda hated him. Then he'd fight the Earl and probably lose and destroy humanity because he would be thinking about how he wanted to save his friends and then friends would automatically reroute to Kanda and then he'd probably be having a pity party and being distracted while the Earl was making a grocery list in his head while killing him. Or something.

All in all, Allen didn't really want to fight Kanda.

And, all in all, saying 'you couldn't fight me if you tried' was a Very Bad Thing to say when talking to Kanda, because the Japanese boy ends up narrowing his eyes and lunging at him.

The first thing Allen does is stick out his arms in an attempt to stop the flying exorcist, which doesn't really end well because Kanda had had been aiming his hands at his throat. So, when Kanda finally does land on him, Allen falls back into the water, and Kanda goes with him.

They were a big mess of tangled limbs, choking, and flailing, all mostly on Allen's part. Kanda was probably a lot madder since Allen was probably kicking and punching him but, at the time, Allen is just _trying to get away_.

He obviously fails, because when Allen's back slams against the other side of the bath (and he didn't even know how they got there so fast) he lets out a huge gasp, back automatically arching against the pain.

Which was probably the worst thing he could have done, because when certain parts touched _other _certain parts, Kanda's eyes widen and, in a split second and thoroughly panicked decision, Allen winds up and punches the other exorcist in the jaw.

Kanda reels back, and when he is sufficiently far away from Allen, Allen decides (in another split second, very panicked decision) that a nice kick to Kanda's stomach would send him even further away.

Allen stands there panting as the black-haired exorcist splutters and hits the water with a deafening splash. All is quiet for a few seconds, where Allen is coming to terms with what he had just done ("_Oh my God, Holy shit, I just killed Kanda._") and Kanda is somewhere under the water, planning a certain bean sprout's death.

Then Kanda comes up from the water like a demon from hell, and Allen shrieks a very unmanly shriek because, now that Kanda was back from the dead he was going to _kill _Allen.

Which was why Allen decides that getting out of the bath and running for his life is a really good option.

Of course, Allen should have known that as soon as he got one foot out of the bath and onto the floor Kanda would tackle him.

Again, they are a messy pile of limbs and flailing, and it takes a few seconds to sort it all out; when they do, Allen is on the ground, on his stomach, hands being held behind his back as a very angry Kanda straddles him. Which is really, really awkward for Allen because _Kanda was straddling him. Naked._

"What the fuck?" Kanda hisses, squeezing his wrists painfully and totally unaware of the panic attack the teen under him is having. "You kicked me, you idiotic bean sprout!"

"Well!" Allen struggles, acutely aware of Kanda and all of Kanda's skin. "You attacked me first!"

He can't see Kanda's scowl, but feels it in the squeeze of his wrists. Allen closes his eyes and bangs his head against the ground when Kanda leans forward. Allen can feel Kanda's hair falling over his shoulders, tickling his neck; he can feel Kanda's breath passing over his ear, dancing over his skin.

_Oh God_, he thinks, trying to invent ways to kill himself, _this is torture. I want to die. Maybe Kanda will kill me._

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kanda spits, mouth close to his ear. Allen tries desperately not to Think About It. "Why the hell are you acting so weird lately?"

"It's not my fault!" Allen says, strains to turn his head and look at the other boy. "It's-"

He stops, realizes how stupid it would sound if he said 'Oh, it's your fault because you and your body and _all of you_ is making me _like you_ and be awkward around you. So it's _your_ fault, not mine'.

He pauses for a second, thinks it over before coming to a conclusion.

"Innocence! Activate!"

"What the hell!"

-----------------

Allen lets out a sigh of relief.

He had barely escaped Kanda's wrath. By barely, he meant that Kanda had 2.5 seconds to recover after being thrown into the bath by his Clown Belt, and he barely had the time to even put on his underwear and get out of the change room before the very pissed off exorcist had time to catch up to him.

Now, though, he's standing in his own room, back against the door, exhausted physically and emotionally.

It takes a few seconds before he can even gather up the energy to walk over to his bed and flop onto it; he doesn't even bother to dry his hair or dress properly into his pajamas.

Now, he thinks, things were going to get a lot more awkward. And _frustrating_. And- and _stupid_. Because he was sure Kanda had felt his cock, which had been half hard _because_ of Kanda, and if Kanda tried confronting him about it, like his weirdness, then Allen couldn't activate his innocence to get away again and it would… It would _really _suck because, for the time being, he had been happy with Kanda. Sure, they fought, which usually were just petty little arguments _anyway_, but they weren't coming to blows every time they saw each other, like in the old days. And he had been _happy_ with that. But now he had ruined it because he was so terribly awkward with his feelings.

Burying his face into his pillow (which was wet from his hair, which so did not improve his mood an iota), he groans, presses his hips into the bed.

Life sucked. And he just knew he was going to have a mission tomorrow. He just knew it.


	2. Chapter 2

"We have a mission, idiot bean sprout."

Allen curses silently and slowly turns in his seat to face Kanda, who seems to be glaring at him with much more hatred than usual. Which was probably because he had been pelted by his Clown Belt. Inwardly, Allen cringes in shame.

"It's _Allen_, pretty face. And just let me finish my food." He huffs casually, turning around.

He blinks when, all of a sudden, the apple he had just about to give to Timcampy is speared by a sword. More specifically, Kanda's sword. The juice slides down the blade slowly and he stares at it, mesmerized for some absurd reason.

"What did you just call me?" Kanda hisses out, and it's only than Allen realizes what he had just called the other man.

_Did I… Did I just really just have to call him _pretty face, _of all things?_

"BaKanda." Allen says simply, drawing from his reservoirs of cheating, lying, and all things dark and scary. It's only for a split second that he is thankful he has been under Cross' tutorage, but it's gone as quickly as it had come. "Your hearing must be going."

"I heard 'pretty face', bean sprout. Do you want to die young?" Kanda threatens, deathly quiet. Something inside of Allen dies a little but his smile stays on his face, even when he turns around and stares straight into Kanda's eyes.

"Like I said, BaKanda, your hearing must be going if you hear me calling you pretty." He shrugs, hands coming up, palms flat, in a gesture that screams 'what can you do?'.

Then Allen finds himself wiping across the table after being punched square in the jaw, food falling left and right as he hears gasps and a sharp "Kanda!" around him.

When he looks up, hand rubbing his jaw, Kanda's coat is disappearing around the corner and Lenalee and Lavi are in front of him, pulling him up by his shirt sleeves.

"Are you alright Allen?!" Lenalee looks worried, brows furrowed angrily over her eyes. "Sometimes, Kanda is so- so-"

"I'm guessing it didn't go well last night." Lavi says dryly, wiping some food off of Allen's shoulders into Timcampy's awaiting mouth.

Here, Allen laughs weakly, hand reaching up to pick at some drying ketchup in his hair.

"No." He says, looking down. "It never does with Kanda."

------

"Oh, All- Oh. Allen, what happened to you now?" Komui stares at him from over the tops of his glasses, hands holding a pile of papers which Allen guesses must be the mission report. Allen just smiles and walks towards the couch which holds A Very Angry Looking Kanda.

"Oh, I just fell asleep while eating." Allen lies and sits down primly on the couch, refusing to look at Kanda because he really should be concentrating on the mission, not checking the other exorcist out.

"Uh huuuuuh." Komui drawls, looking Allen up and down. Allen smiles (and, in his head, worries insistently if the insane scientist made up a lie detector that could draw out the truth with just a look).

But then Komui perks up and smiles, handing them separate sheets. "Well, anyway, the innocence is in Germany and the basic summary is that a doctor is healing people at a phenomenal rate. The thing is, apparently, the doctor in question died months ago. So go check it out."

Allen and Kanda nod and leave after sorting out a few of the details, which is when Reever comes in and starts yelling at Komui to get back to work. They're silent until, in an abandoned hallway, Kanda slams him against the wall.

He gasps out, his eyes slamming shut as his body tries to draw in large, gasping breathes against the fore arm pressed against his throat.

Allen opens his eyes a slit, hands shooting up to Kanda's arm, clawing at it desperately but not with a lot of conviction- because, yeah, maybe it is his fault Kanda is so pissed off. Actually, yeah. It is his fault.

What he sees is Kanda, probably a lot closer than he should be, eyes narrowed, mouth set in a scowl.

And then a realization, because his heart is beating fast and not because he's getting turned on by the boy. Not because Kanda is a lot closer than he would be comfortable with, usually. Not because Kanda is staring at him, straight in his face, nostrils flaring and eyes a dark, dark shade of blue.

He doesn't mind the fighting and the anger and the quasi hatred and- all of Kanda's attitude, really, at all. It's- part of routine. He accepts it. He isn't scared- just- apprehensive. His heart beats fast but- he doesn't mind this- at all-

He doesn't care if Kanda is angry at him or hates him or just plain doesn't want to see him- he still likes him. He still wants Kanda, yeah, but not just _physically _anymore.

This is the realization that makes him gasp harder and grip Kanda's arm, who, in turn, loosens up a little but just scowls even harder.

"Don't fuck this up." He spits, and suddenly he is gone, coat and Allen's eyes following him, all just passion and beautiful rage.

Allen takes large breathes, leaning his head against the wall, and despairs because he's going to spend a month with a boy that hates him.

------------

It's been two weeks and they're heading back from Germany on a dingy boat. Allen is out at the railing at the bow, wondering why the world can be so cruel to people who don't deserve it.

The doctor, as it turns out, was dead, and had been dead for two months- the innocence in question had been controlling his body because of his wish to heal the people of the world. But the people he healed always died a week later because he had to suck their life force drastically to keep his body moving.

When he had learned what he had been doing, he had actually given up his chance at another life with his wife and children. Allen's heart hurt just thinking about it, because the man had been so sad when he had learned he had actually been killing people.

Kanda had even let him talk to the man before taking action, which actually was a the gory part of the mission- they had to take the innocence out of the man's brain. So, well Kanda worked, Allen killed the AKUMA that had showed up to take the innocence.

When Kanda had come back with blood on his hands and a hidden pity in his eyes, the red stained innocence in his left hand, Allen had treacherously thought he was beautiful.

Then they had departed silently, and had not even slept another night before getting on the slow boat back to head quarters.

As soon as they had gotten on the boat, they had went their separate ways- Allen to the deck, where he stood now, and Kanda to some other destination with the innocence in hand.

Allen stares out at the water, and it's difficult to even think about the mission because all he can think about is Kanda. _Kanda Kanda Kanda_, his mind screams, relentlessly, _I want Kanda, Kanda is beautiful, and I want him, and it's stupid. But I want him._

The last two weeks have been torture for Allen, really, because even if he wants Kanda, Kanda clearly does not want him back. He avoids him like a plague, and whenever they're in a room together the Japanese man refuses to talk to him. The only time Kanda will even speak to him is when it's part of the mission, and longest sentence uttered between them so far was "I'll do it, just go!".

He kind of misses being called a bean sprout.

His world abruptly lurches, out of nowhere, and for a second all he can see is the sky- bright blue and wary, before his hand streaks out and catches the railing.

Looking around frantically, he clutches whatever seems solid as he moves- around him, people are screaming out orders and the few passengers are clinging to each other desperately. The captain is the loudest of them all, screeching like a crow as she orders them all to man their positions. It is only when Allen's eye goes berserk that he realizes what is happening, and at once he activates his innocence and rounds the corner.

When he does, Kanda is there- his arm shoots out to grab Allen's, and, quite plainly, everything else fades out and it is Kanda's warmth on his arm that keeps him grounded, and when Kanda's eyes meet his there is a determination and foreboding there- as if, for once, the taller man doesn't want to fight but has too.

"There are three. Two are underwater, and one is northwest of here, about fifty miles and closing in." He says automatically, eyes still locked on Kanda's- it's the longest he has ever really looked at Kanda in the past few weeks, which is saying something because he looks at Kanda a lot.

"I'll take the one coming closer. Take the ones underwater." Kanda barks out, and then they're suddenly moving, quickly- Kanda lets go of his arm and it's the heat left that propels Allen to go to the head of the ship and look wildly for the AKUMA, which are ten feet deep.

It is a stupid decision, but what Allen does is jump over the side of the ship after activating his innocence, looping his Clown Belt to the railing as he dives deep. Both of them, the AKUMA, are together, and they're fish-like; they remind Allen of the Pisces from the Chinese zodiac.

Taking an inward breath, he starts swimming, intent on saving their souls.

It's a long and tedious fight- Allen has to come up for air many times and the fish-like AKUMA are fast in water, as is to be expected. He finally kills them when one of them is stupid enough to come too close and he slashes at it, which slows down the other one so much that he can simply swim over and kill it.

When he comes up, he is gasping for breath, tired, and his muscles feel like they were just repaired by Komui. After getting on board to the cheers of the passengers and crew alike, he looks up to the sight of an explosion and Kanda flying away from it, body oddly limp as he sails through the air and lands in the water.

Allen does not think.

He flings himself after the boy and swims furiously, ignoring the pain, the screaming of his body. As his heart pounds, his eyes stay open, even against the mad stinging- it takes a few minutes before he is able to find Kanda, who has slipped under the surface with what looks like two broken arms and is sinking fast.

Allen does not think.

Taking a large amount of breath he dives and paddles, hard, against the tide towards Kanda, whose eyes are somehow still open, a little hazy from what must be pain and lack of oxygen, and watching as Allen makes his way to him. It is when Allen is close enough that they slip closed and, panicked, Allen grabs him.

Allen does not think.

He closes his mouth over the other exorcist's. Kanda's eyes shoot open at that, and he almost yells- but Allen stares at him, breathing life and love and whatever he has to offer to Kanda. Allen's eyes say _I will not let you die_.

When they separate, Kanda pinches his mouth close and Allen smiles, strained, before he kicks the water and they slowly climb up to the surface, where a boat and the hidden innocence awaits.

Once on board, Kanda swears at the crew to bandage him up and, while his back is turned, Allen blacks out.

---------

Allen dreams in phases- he dreams of a boat ride, Mana paddling and laughing brightly when Allen almost falls into the lake. He dreams of Lavi and Lenalee, fighting on a mission where one of them has to flirt with the bartender to get some information. He dreams of Cross, laying on silk and actually teaching him something. He dreams of Johnny and Komui and Reever, studying the Ark and being extremely fascinated by it.

Finally, he dreams of Kanda sitting on his bed, staring at him intently.

Allen smiles and closes his eyes, slipping into another dream about the past.

---------

When he finally wakes up, it is to a gently moving but silent room. His wounds have been wrapped and, when he finally gets the urge to move it is only slightly painful. His muscles creak in protest but are otherwise silent

His feet shuffle on the floor and he goes to open the door; when he does, the nurse is just about to come in. He smiles and they chat- Allen tells her he's doing fine and he was just heading towards the bathroom. The nurse gives him some pills in response and he takes them dry and heads to the washroom, intent on relieving himself.

He finds the washroom and, after finishing up and washing his hands, he decides it would be really awfully nice to go up to the deck and breath fresh air. He must have been down there for awhile.

Allen walks slowly, just enjoying the leisure, and of course his thoughts turn to Kanda.

The first thing he wonders is how the other exorcist is doing- his arms had been broken when he last saw him. The second thing he wonders is if he's healed yet- Kanda has that amazing healing ability that has something to do with his tattoo, which Allen has heard snippets about.

The third thing he wonders is if Kanda still remembers the kiss.

This makes him stop in his footsteps because he realizes that he _kissed Kanda_. Well, okay, it hadn't really been a kiss, it had been giving him air, but still, his lips had touched Kanda's and it was _like _a kiss and he's surprised he isn't dead yet. Because Kanda should have killed him by now for even _doing_ that. Even _thinking_ about it. And, to tell you the truth, Allen hadn't really thought it through- he was just intent on saving Kanda.

Before he can think of anything else, his mind tries to recall how Kanda's lips felt- but all he can remember is water, panic, and a need to save.

His feet, before he realizes it, have taken him up to the deck and the sky is dark, except for the slivers of pink in the east- Allen blinks when he realizes it is only early morning of the next day, which really surprises him. They are still three days travel from headquarters.

His feet barely make any sound as he walks across the deck, and he sways gently with the ship- he's still not really used to the sea and it's rocking. But he could live like this, he thinks- if it wasn't for the Order and the Innocence and the AKUMA, if all that didn't exist. He could live on a ship.

He makes it to the bow and watches the sun rise silently, his head going through various thoughts- he's so deep in his mind that he doesn't realize when someone comes up behind him and touches his shoulder meekly.

Jumping, he turns around, and deep inside he hopes it's Kanda's- but he knows it isn't because Kanda would never touch him so softly. Kanda would never touch him unless it was absolutely necessary.

The nurse, one of two that stay with the crew, stands there smiling, and when she speaks her tone is soft, as if not to disturb the sea and the horizon. "Mr. Walker, I do believe you should be in bed."

"Can't sleep." He cracks a smile and turns to fully face her, voice slipping into overly polite. "But I'll go now, if you think it's best."

"Oh, I don't mind. But if you start feeling the least bit faint, I suggest you go rest." She pauses, as if contemplating her next words. Allen waits for her, because he's a gentleman. A fake gentleman, sure, but she doesn't know that. Sometimes Allen feels bad about being Cross' pupil. No, well, not sometimes. All the time.

"Also, I think you should thank the other exorcist. The pretty one." She says. Her face then flushes as she realizes what she had just said, and she hurries to cover it up; Allen doesn't know if its embarrassing because she insinuated that he wasn't pretty or because she called a boy that's probably fifteen years her junior pretty. Either way, if it wouldn't have freaked her out, he would have outright agreed with her- Kanda was the prettier one of them.

"He was such a help." She amends. "Always ran and got water for us when we asked, and helped us dress you after we tended to your wounds. Was quite a nuisance in the beginning because he just wouldn't leave the room. A help nonetheless."

The nurse smiles softly at him and he tries not to freak out when he realizes that Kanda was touching him and _dressing him_, for God's sake. The smile he has on is plastered on his face, so he just nods, unsure of what to say.

The silence is kind of awkward because of it, and the nurse shifts a little before saying "Well, Mr. Walker, if you're feeling faint, get back to bed."

"Yes ma'am." He replies, automatically, trying hard to dispel the images of what Kanda dressing him would look like. He's had fantasies of Kanda undressing him, certainly, but dressing someone implies a certain amount of actually caring about the person you're taking care of. And that would imply Kanda- of all people-

"Enjoy the sunrise, Mr. Walker. It's beautiful here, out at sea." She says in departure, and he gives one last smile (automatically, again) as she leaves and then turns around, clutching the railing and facing the horizon with wide eyes and a furiously beating heart.

The implications of Kanda taking care of him are odd in and out of itself because _Kanda doesn't take care of anyone._ Well, okay, he does, but not in the physical sense. Like, he takes care of Lenalee emotionally by listening to her whenever she's sad (and he only knows that because he accidentally almost walked in on them talking one time when Leverrier was being a particular asshole to everyone at the Order), and whenever Lavi needs someone to just sit around and be quiet he's always there, silent and calm. And whenever Komui needs help with something he helps him, if not grudgingly.

The thing is, he can't think of a time that Kanda just helped _him_. They've always fought and sure, that might have relieved a little stress for him but, all in all, Kanda was usually more the problem than anything else.

But Kanda taking care of him implied some level of… fondness… or affection, or something of the like for Allen, right? Because, really, Kanda never actually took care of anyone. He was in the mentality that everyone took care of themselves and that was that, case closed.

But.

Kanda took care of him. Actually man handled him (which was probably as gentle as the Japanese exorcist could get), and harassed the nurses, and Kanda had even dressed him. _In clothes._

Forcibly kicking the last statement and the imagery that came with it out of his head, Allen did something he hadn't done in awhile, and with something like confidence and hope blooming in his chest:

Allen smiled.

--------------

"Good morning, Kanda."

Well, it wasn't really morning- early afternoon was more the term, actually, but Allen felt like today was a fresh day. A fresh start. A day where he could start everything over and do it perfectly.

Kanda showing that he cared for him, Allen thinks, smiling down at the glowering face of his partner, was probably the worst thing he could have done. Because now Allen was serious. And when Allen was serious, full grown men started crying.

"Che." Kanda directs at him, and he can't help but notice that his arms are wrapped in bandages but they aren't pinned to his chest or anything. Allen tries not to think about how it would look if someone had to feed Kanda- if _he _had to feed Kanda- but his thoughts bloom on his face and he smiles wider, if not a little creepily, and this makes the other exorcist scowl.

So Allen, instead, just sits down across from Kanda and starts eating. They're both eating fish because it's the only thing the cook really knows how to make.

And it's quiet, but Allen doesn't really mind; he's just happy to be there. And they way he's actually eating his food, not shoveling it in, kinda shows how happy he is to just be sitting across from Kanda. Any other time the boy would have been emitting a murderous aura but right now it's just- calm. It's nice and calm. Allen could get used to this.

It's about the fifth time of Allen pausing between bites to give the other teen a smile that it all gets shot to hell and Kanda slams his fork down (because the ship doesn't have chopsticks) and glares hellfire at him.

"What?" He hisses out slowly, eyes in slits. Allen actually fully puts down his fork and looks back at the other boy, the corners of his mouth quirked.

"It's just-" And then he pauses, and in that moment he panics because he doesn't even know what he- why- what was he supposed to say to 'why are you smiling?'. He didn't actually have a plan to talk to Kanda- he just thought pleasant conversation wouldn't happen.

He guesses this is what he gets for acting weird. It's entirely his own fault.

"-um." He finishes his sentence lamely, and he can see that Kanda can see that he has no answer by the way the boy's eyes darken and his lips draw up into a lazy, triumphant smirk. Allen tries not to get distracted about how- how- _sexy_ the boy looks and almost fails, his mouth opening slightly and his tongue peeking out from his lips while he bites it. He can think of a thousand different things that expression meant and none of them were innocent at the moment. _None of them_, which doesn't really do wonders for his teenage body. While, it does, but nothing he wants Kanda seeing.

"Don't stare at me if you have no reason to give." The exorcist says gruffly, and pops some fish into his mouth. Allen snaps his mouth closed at the action and imagines little Allen's fanning out his brain, shooing away images better saved for when he was alone.

It works and when he speaks next, it's with a bit more confidence- he imagines a little Allen holding down the side of his brain that is usually responsible for his dirtier thoughts. His _Cross like_ thoughts. Even though Cross would never think of Kanda like that. Or maybe he would.

He quickly helps his little Allen squish any thoughts about _Cross_ thinking about _Kanda_, which admittedly makes him feel like taking the man's damn hammer and shoving it- somewhere he shouldn't be saying. _Out loud_.

"It's just, I didn't think you'd be so kind."

Allen then realizes that was probably the wrong thing to say when he sees Kanda's shoulders stiffen, his mouth almost open to accept the bit of fish halfway to his mouth. He wonders why in the hell he's so obsessed with Kanda's mouth today.

"It's just!" He starts again, even leaning forward earnestly to try and kind of say he didn't mean to offend the other boy without actually _saying _it. "Um. You. The Nurse-"

He pauses after his stumbling and licks his lips, the little imagined Allen's working hard to sort through his thoughts again.

"The Nurse told me that you helped them when I was passed out." He finally manages to say, truthfully, eyes pinned to Kanda's face, at the boy whose looking away and scowling. Allen laughs, although a bit nervously, when he remembers that the nurse called Kanda pretty; this just makes the other man scowl. Hard, and angrily. And he kind of feels bad so he smothers his smile and says "She told me you harassed them, but you were a great help. So."

And now that he doesn't know what to say, his mind gripes belligerently, and his hands grip his fork. Then his mouth jumps as soon as he lets it, of course, and spills something he really shouldn't have ever let slip out when talking to Kanda.

"Thank you."

Kanda stands up abruptly, face set in his patented permanent scowl, body ramrod straight. The dishes clatter and a few interested sailors look over; the ones who are curious about the religious men and the ones who are just hoping some bruises are exchanged.

"Don't be stupid." Kanda speaks through clenched teeth, dark eyes smoldering. Allen stares back, alarmed. He hadn't meant to offend the other boy, really- again- and he had thought that their relationship had changed a smidgen. Just enough so that he could say thank you without the other boy storming out. Apparently not.

He wonders what Kanda sees in his eyes because his mouth loosens a little and unclenches enough so that he says something which makes Allen's stomach jump and his heart feel light.

"Just- don't be so stupid again."

Then he turns and walks off, leaving Allen with an extra plate of food and a bit more resolve in his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

They get back to headquarters with no other trouble and as soon as they're passed the front doors Kanda walks off and Allen heads to Komui's office to hand off their report, as well as the innocence. Komui congratulates him on a job well done and, after a quick scan of the report, asks him to send Kanda to his office as soon as he sees the other boy.

After that, he heads to the cafeteria because that is almost always the first place he goes after returning from the mission. He orders everything but seafood and, when he turns around, is happily surprised to find Lavi sitting at a table, surrounded by books and writing furiously on a thick pad of paper.

When he puts some plates on the table the boy quirks a smile at him, his one visible eyes turning into a half moon at the expression. Allen smiles back and sits down, fork halfway to what looks like a delicious batch of potatoes (Jerry really outdid himself) when Lavi speaks.

"How did things go with Yu? He looks less pissed than usual, after coming back from a mission with you."

Allen, instead of blushing heavily and mumbling, and maybe instead of trying to avoid the subject entirely, quirks a little smile of his own and picks up some potatoes, putting them in his mouth. The redhead watches him with an interested expression, taking in his pleased face, and waits patiently. It's probably the Bookman in him that makes him wait as long as he does for Allen's answer, because, usually, Lavi would have demanded he give him an answer right away. With a few perverted insinuations mixed in.

Finally, the young boy answers, and by that time he has taken five bites; he knows exactly what to say to get the most impact. "Kanda harassed the nurses trying to take care of me when I passed out after a battle."

Lavi lets out a low whistle at the revelation, and Allen smiles happily, mouth turned up at the edges. If anything, Lavi would know that that was definitely uncharacteristic. Totally not Kanda if he hadn't added the word 'harassed' in there.

"Tell me more." The older boy inquires, leaning forward, one hand twirling the pen he's holding while the other supports his chin. His eye gleams with interest. "This is a new and interesting turn. Highly scandalous and the like. This is Yu-chan we're talking about here, right? About yay tall and Japanese? Has the aura of someone who is going to kill you in your sleep and is a person who probably drowns puppies in his spare time?"

Allen laughs at that, but shakes his head, twirling his fork in some pasta he has in front of him. "Later." He says, popping the noodles in his mouth and chewing. "Somewhere more private."

Lavi smiles at that, pen twirling wildly in his hand. "I bet it'll be interesting."

-----------------

After Allen eats and Lavi packs up his books and returns them to his room, they go and find a usually unused lounge. It has a piano in the corner and a few ratty loveseats that would have looked more at place in a back alley, so it's perfect for the time being. Everyone is either busy or has better taste.

After sitting beside each other and getting comfortable, Allen recounts the events of the entire week- even the boring bits, because Lavi would like to get a first hand account of the mission. Straight from his mouth and all that.

When he finishes his story, the taller boy lets out a low whistle similar to the one he had let out in the cafeteria, almost impressed. His feet shift so that one hangs off the edge of the couch and one is wedged between the back and Allen's side, hands folded behind his head. "Yu-chan almost doesn't sound like Yu-chan. What did you do, Allen Walker?"

"I already told you!" Allen kind of laughs, staring at the other boy intently, as if to convince him he's not lying. "I just. Was myself."

Lavi snorts, his grin turning into a lecherous smirk. "You were a whole lot of 'yourself' when you decided to kiss him under water. How romantic. Never thought the bean sprout had it in him."

"It's Allen!" He says, slightly flustered because that wasn't a kiss, what he gave to Kanda. It was just sharing air and, if given the chance, he could have kissed the boy a lot better. And not just on his mouth, either. "And I was just giving him air."

Lavi sighs, hands going up in the air in frustration. "If only I could say that to all the women and get a free kiss."

Allen goes silent after that, musing, as does Lavi; they sit in that comfortable silence, before something occurs to Allen. Something he never thought to ask the other boy before.

"Lavi?"

"Hmm?" The other boy responds, eye distant; Allen hopes he isn't thinking about all the girls he could 'give CPR' to, but he doesn't doubt it.

He takes a minute before speaking, voice a little dubious and a little thoughtful. "Doesn't it bother you a little?" He inquires, flexing his toes. "That I'm pursuing a man?"

Lavi's eye snaps back from it's previous unfocused position and stares at him, lips pursed thoughtfully. Allen squirms under the scrutiny until the boy speaks, and when he does, he relaxes- Lavi is using the voice that wonders out loud why he even asked such a stupid question. Usually, he'd take offence, but this was actually an important question to him. Lavi was his friend, and an important one at that. Even if he was trying to get him and Kanda together, it still didn't quell the feeling that Lavi thought the whole thing was disgusting and homosexuality was a sin.

But it was- probably just him being irrational. Because Lavi was helping him find happiness and- it was hard to find acceptance like that, he thought.

"Allen, Allen, Allen." He started, shaking his head, hands coming down and resting on his spread thighs. "As a Bookman, I am unbiased in most matters of the world. It doesn't really matter to me if you're homosexual or straight. In ancient times, the Greeks practiced homosexuality because it was an essential foundation of a healthy man's life. In Japan, Samurai often take on their young apprentices as male lovers. Socrates and Leonardo DaVinci had same-sex lovers. If anything, homosexuality as a foreign and devil made concept is just the Christian perspective."

Allen nods silently at that, hands going to wipe at his pants leg. He hadn't even noticed how nervous he had been, asking that; even his heart was beating furiously.

"And-" Lavi continued, laughing. "Bookmen are encouraged to have homosexual relationships, as it won't leave any familial attachments, and no chance of suddenly having a son or daughter. So, to be a Bookman, you have to be completely unbiased about everything. From the way you like your eggs in the morning to the kind of woman or man you prefer sharing your bed."

Allen's eyes widen slightly at that and his hands clenched against his legs at the new information. He eyed the boy, trying to think of Lavi being kissed by another man. Or kissing another man. Or-

Well, he wasn't going to think of anything past kissing involving Lavi. Really. That would be- well. It.

His mind shuts down momentarily before he can think any further on his opinion on the matter and instead his mouth runs off, though what he says isn't as stupid as some of the things that fell out of brain. "Have you ever?"

The redhead seems to get what he's asking because he laughs, sharp teeth showing in a grin. " A few times, yeah." Lavi confesses, sighing dreamily and a little depressingly. "Sometimes it's the lesser of two evils."

"Oh." Allen says, and Lavi grins at him; he instantly regrets asking his question when the boy eyes him expectantly, foot nudging his thigh.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Allen says, feigning either innocence or stupidity. Both work in this situation, but he knows Lavi won't fall for it. Which is proven when the boy snarks at him, eye glinting in amusement.

"Ever kissed a boy? Or even a girl for that matter, Mr. Allen Walker?"

Allen, damn his face, blushes at the question; it's a mix of indignation and embarrassment, because the gentleman in him says _what a rude question! _(even though he had asked Lavi the exact same thing first), while the brash kid in him says _of course I have! Do I look like desperate to you?_

He takes a moment to beat down both responses and looks at the other man maturely, even if his face is the color of tomato paste. "Yes, I have."

He half remembers when he was eleven; soft kisses by a girl a year or two older than him behind the House of Mirrors and, only hours later, by her brother, behind the cages where the animals were kept. The brother, who was rougher and a lot more passionate, admittedly. A lot older. He had liked that kissed more.

Lavi curls a smirks at him and pokes his thigh with his toe again. "Have you recently, though? And you're right about the little CPR'ing you did on Yu; it doesn't count."

Allen doesn't feel like he has to answer the idiot, and he bristles a bit at the question. Then he thinks that Lavi was just asking an innocent question (well, not so innocent), and that the other boy was his friend, anyway.

"I've been _busy_." He finally says, a bit mortified, the long, black nails of his left hand digging into his palm. "I haven't had _time_."

He can see Lavi trying not to snicker at him and scowls, lifting his leg and kicking the inside of the boy's thigh. The redhead groans, leaning forward to press hands on the wound, and whines at him "You didn't have to do that, Allen- I was being a good boy and not laughing at you. Really."

Allen huffs, and wonders why in the world it's such a bad thing not to be making out with something that moved every two seconds. "You were doing a horrible job."

Lavi flashes a smirk at him, then winces when his thumb presses into the abused muscles of his leg. "I thought I was doing pretty good."

"You were wrong." Allen declares, and tries not to grin evilly when Lavi presses too hard and moans at the pain, again. Instead, he glares, leaning back onto the arm of the couch. "Serves you right."

"And here I was going to offer my services to you, Allen-chaaaaan." Lavi drawls, by now over-exaggerating his injury with a whimper. "But not now. Oh no. You're a terrible person, Allen Walker."

Allen quirks an eyebrow at that, wondering what 'offering services' meant with Lavi. With Cross, it always meant something sexual. With Komui, it was healing. With him… Well, sadly, it meant either help on the battlefield or something sexual. And they weren't on the battlefield.

But it could always mean something different with Lavi. "Services?"

Lavi laughed at his dubious look, and it tapered off into a vicious smile. "Yu-chan has kissed a lot of other people."

That was when he choked on his own spit and pitched forward, pounding his chest and trying to get through the dizziness.

Kanda had kissed _a lot_ of other people?

Allen had thought about this before, about how far Kanda had gone everywhere, and- well, he didn't think Kanda- well, not to be an ass, but he had thought Kanda hadn't gotten _anywhere_. With anyone. Because. Well, because Kanda was an asshole. As far as he knew, he was the only one who was trying to get into the exorcist's pants. And heart, admittedly, but. Really. He thought Kanda was more of a prude. The boy always left the table when talk turned to sex.

So he had thought Kanda was a virgin. And one of his favorite… dreams was that he would take Kanda's… _Well._

"A lot?" Allen said weakly, aiming his unfocused eyes up at the boy whose mouth was stretched from ear to ear.

"Tons."

There was silence between them- where Allen tried to comprehend that Kanda was probably tons more experienced than him and Lavi sat there, watching him panic- before the taller boy broke out into laughter, reaching over to ruffle the other boy's hair.

"Granted." He says, after receiving a pitiful glare. "They were mostly part of missions. Kanda will do anything to get the job done. Though, concerning if our darling Yu-chan has had his cherry popped, that will sustain to be a mystery."

Allen's head snaps up to attention at that, eyeballing the other boy to see if he could trust him or not. After all, Lavi had just led him into a pit of despair, which had not been pleasant. _At all_.

"But he has kissed a lot of people." Lavi reminds him, lecherous look on his face. "He's _experienced_."

Allen stares at him after the last word, not saying a word and wondering if (no, _when_) he kisses Kanda, if he'll be so horrible at it that the Japanese teen will look at him in disgust and walk off, never to even attempt kissing Allen ever again.

"And that's where I come in, darling bean sprout."

"It's _Allen_."

"I have an offer for you, _Allen_." Lavi stresses, eyebrows quirked as he surveys the boy. Allen looks back in interest, wondering what the offer was concerning his lack of experience. A smaller, more perverted part of his mind supplies that Lavi was probably propositioning for sex. Which, he thought, he probably was. And he hoped to God he wasn't because then he'd have to say no and it'd be- awkward, maybe.

"I propose we find out if you're good enough for the oh-so-adorable Yu-chan, concerning the matters of love. Just kissing, of course. And, as it is, I'm here as a _willing _participant."

Allen stares at him and hopes to God that his little perverted side won't be right about other things. Ever. Because some of the things his little perverted side has said were quite sad and, frankly, scared him.

"In the matter of recording on my part, of course. And I won't cling to you like a girl would, and you don't run the risk of disease if you go to a prostitute. Plus, it's me, Allen." Here, Lavi smiles cheekily at him, a hint of perverseness and complete innocence hiding behind it. Allen thinks he runs the risk of disease, anyway. "I don't bite."

After the initial embarrassment of even _thinking_ about kissing one of his friends, Allen actually considers the offer. Because, really, it's a valid offer, and Lavi wouldn't be awkward about it afterwards. Plus. Well. Lavi is hot, really. And it's only kissing.

And anyway, he doesn't want to be a horrible kisser for Kanda. He can only imagine the scorn in the boy's voice as he made fun of the way Allen would kiss him. And then that would be that.

The one thing that he simultaneously regrets and appreciates about Cross' teaching about 'the birds and the bees' was that he equated sex with love- as an essential part of every relationship. Right now, he's regretting it.

But. What would be the harm? Really?

"Alright." Allen says, nodding. He doesn't know what to say after that ("Hurry up, come over here!"? That'd be really weird. And eager), so he just waits for the redhead to make a move.

And Lavi does not disappoint. He laughs, saying something about how he thought Allen would either freak or take a lot longer to decide, and brings his legs towards him so he can stand. He shifts around a little until he's straddling Allen, one hand placed on his shoulder and the other one braced on the couch.

"Ready?" Lavi finally says, leaning close. Allen just nods, a little nervous because this is his first time kissing someone after so many years.

Lavi smiles a bit before placing his mouth on Allen's, and he tries not to jump at the unfamiliar feeling- of dry lips on his, pressing a little too softly.

He tries to remember how he kissed the other boy- the sister's brother- and remembers that the boy opened his mouth a little, pressed hard against his lips. He remembers that it had hurt a little too much, so he just presses a little into the kiss, relaxing.

Lavi moves his mouth against Allen's and Allen presses back gently, testing the waters; Lavi presses back a little harder, nudging his lips open and he complies with the silent request. He makes a small sound of approval when Lavi traces his bottom lip with his tongue and reaches out his own tongue to gently touch the other boy's.

They kiss like that for awhile, shyly licking the other's mouth; one of Lavi's hands press into his shoulder as the other traces softly over his side, barely touching it. He shivers into the touch and his hand (which he hadn't been paying attention to before) reaches up and cards through Lavi's red strands, scratching at the base of his neck.

Lavi pulls back for a split second, presumably to get a larger breath of air, and Allen automatically leans forward and nips at his jaw; the other boy jumps at the action and then laughs, pulling back and eyeing him.

"Never knew you were a little feisty, Walker." He says slyly, and before he can reply Lavi's mouth is back on his, a little more forceful and tongue tracing another line on his lip. When he reaches out his tongue to meet Lavi's own the boy pushes back. He feels a shot of pleasure head down his spine at the slight roughness of it and he presses forward, whole body pushing up into the taller boy's.

They kiss like that for awhile- aggressively, the way he finds he likes it- and, for reasons he can't comprehend, his mind wanders slightly.

It's not that the kiss isn't good. Actually, it's really beyond good, and if they kept up at it there was a good chance that Lavi would know how good it was without him having to say it.

He feels kind of guilty, though. Like he's cheating on Kanda, even though he and the other man didn't even have a preexisting, sexual relationship (only in his dreams. His naughty, nasty dreams). But it's like he's not serious about the Japanese exorcist- like he can't even keep his pants on while he waits for Kanda to accept his feelings. Like he can waste his time and energy trying to get laid by other people while _all _of his time and energy should be wasted on just getting Kanda to kiss him.

And Kanda is much more important than a little fling, anyway. Kanda is someone he needs. Someone he can't stop looking at. Someone he can't help but admire. Someone he can't even stop thinking about, even though he has his lap full of hot boy, and said hot boy currently sucking at his mouth.

Lavi makes a pleased sigh when he rakes his teeth against his lips, absentmindedly, and he pulls back at the noise by putting his hand against Lavi's chest and pushing slightly- the other teen opens his eye and grins, mouth a little swollen. If Allen wasn't currently obsessed with another exorcist, he probably wouldn't have the mind in him to stop kissing Lavi.

"Well, Mr. Walker." Lavi starts, leaning back and stretching. "You certainly pass the test of whether or not you could kiss your way out of a paper bag."

On second thought, Allen thinks before pushing Lavi off of him and onto the concrete floor, which the other man complains about vehemently. He'd only continue to kiss the other boy if it would shut him up. Probably.

--------------------------------

Two days after his little experimentation with Lavi, Kanda sits down beside him for lunch. Of his own free will.

Which wasn't entirely unwelcome of course, but his manners had a way of growing to appropriate when he ate around the other boy and, while he chewed, he mourned the fact that he probably wasn't going to finish the table of food in the next fifteen minutes. Not with Kanda around. Not that he didn't mind.

"Bean sprout." Kanda says, in way of greeting, sitting across from him with his plate of soba hitting the table with a soft thunk.

"Ib's _Ayen_." He says back, in way of greeting, and immediately feels mortified because he shouldn't talk with his mouth full of crepes. He curses Cross for not teaching him better than that, and mourns that him and Mana lived in a circus, where the grosser you ate the more interesting you were.

Kanda glares at him in disgust but settles down to eat his soba anyway; across from him, Allen decides to raise his manners a bit higher. Because Kanda was sitting with him. Voluntarily.

He was still having trouble processing that.

They sat through their meal in silence, which was more than Allen could ask for, really- last time he had sat down with Kanda to eat, he had inadvertently fucked that up by saying thank you.

It's halfway through the meal when Kanda speaks first (another surprise that Allen didn't mind in the slightest), and the words he speaks make Allen's heart flutter in happiness. A little. Because he wasn't like one of those love-sick girls. Not at all.

"What are you doing later?"

-------------

Later for Kanda, it seemed, is three hours after lunch and Allen thinks that Kanda asking him to go somewhere (well, demanding. With lots of threats and challenges and other things that made Allen's blood jump and boil unpleasantly) was a really really good thing. Mostly because Kanda never asked anyone to do anything, because he was an antisocial humbug and most often found by himself, in the training room, hating in massive amounts of hate.

Plus, it was a step in not-his-but-Lavi-and-Lenalee's plan to get Kanda to fall in love with him.

But of course the Japanese exorcist had invited him for training and nothing else. But Allen wasn't expecting Kanda to lure him to the forest for a picnic with wine and roses and tons of gourmet food. He'd probably be really, really scared if Kanda did that. Probably.

Anyway, at two fifty five Allen found himself walking towards what everyone secretly called the training room from hell because Kanda always trained in that room. What he currently wore were his nicest training clothes, which were the pants he had gotten from the Chinese branch and a dark blue tank top that had mysteriously appeared in his laundry one day. It wasn't like Kanda would appreciate it if he showed up in a tuxedo, anyway.

When he opens the door to the room, Timcampy flying ahead of him, Kanda is already practicing with his sword. He swings it forward, high, cleanly cutting to the side, and Allen is helpless because, really. Kanda was really, really beautiful. He was the strength he had always been missing and he knew it couldn't be anyone but Kanda that made him this stupid.

He was getting sentimental and he felt entirely ridiculous but he couldn't do anything about it at the moment, so instead he just steps forward and calls out "Kanda?"

The exorcist stops his ministrations and stands straight, turning to face him. Allen feels his stomach jump and bounce around at the intense stare the boy was giving him.

"Bean sprout."

"Allen." He corrects, stepping further into the room. He sets down the two glasses of water he had bought with him, watches Tim settle beside them, and jumps onto the actual training ground. Kanda is silent as he faces him.

Allen thought that this was going good, so far, really. Actually. What with Kanda only staring at him and not making highly offensive remarks about his appearance, past, or attitude.

Then he notices Kanda had put his sword down and his stomach kind of drops because he wasn't really used to- well, he was used to hand-to-hand combat but that was when his innocence was activated and he could just rely on swinging it around and killing the AKUMA based on pure power and strength.

Of course, he did know actual hand-to-hand to a certain extent- he wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for that because some of Cross' debt collectors were nothing more than brutes who swung their weight around- but. Um. Touching Kanda might have been entirely the problem. Again.

"Are we going to-?" Allen starts, and swings his left arm around in a gesture that isn't really meaningful other than letting Kanda know he's talking about his arm.

Kanda gives him a cold, stern look that sends shivers down Allen's spine (not for entirely good reasons, thank-you, because sometimes Kanda did frighten him a little) and shakes his head in disgust, not in acknowledgement of his half-aborted question. "No." Then, a pause. "Do you even _know _how to fight hand-to-hand?"

Allen's reply is quick- again, mean debt collectors no twelve year boy should have to deal with- and he frowns with it, a little offended that the Japanese man would even insinuate he was incompetent passed his killing AKUMA abilities. Even though Kanda always insulted those abilities anyway. "Yes. I mean, I was Cross Marian's student."

Kanda mumbles something- he thinks he hears 'that does explain a lot'- before the other boy takes a stance; feet spread shoulder width apart, one behind the other, and one arm by his waist while the other is held up, angled, away and perpendicular his chest. "C'mon then."

And that's that- Allen rushes at Kanda first thing and when he goes for the other's face his hand is blocked, like he expected, so his other fist goes for Kanda's side where it is caught and twisted by Kanda's arm.

The fight is pretty much like this- Allen glancing hits and Kanda blocking, mind numbing in the sense that he doesn't focus so much on the fact that he's fighting and touching Kanda than on the fact that Kanda's fist is about to fly into his face.

But then Kanda drops and he kicks out in a sweeping motion, causing him to lose his balance. He drops hard, barely having time to twist to catch himself on his hands and push up. But by that time it's already too late and Kanda has launched himself onto him and the next thing he sees, after the ground and the other's legs, is Kanda's eyes staring straight into his face and a hand at his throat, pressing into his pulse point enough that he can feel Kanda's pulse through his fingertips, struggling to keep in time with his own.

Kanda's lips curve into the little victory smirk he's always found really, really hard not to stare at- it's partial 'I fucking won, _of course_' and partial 'you suck, don't quit your day job'- and, in a haughty voice that screams he is a thousand times better than Allen (even though his bottom lip is puffy from one of the only times Allen got a hit in), announces. "I won, bean sprout."

"Allen." He says tiredly, body going lax, not even gathering enough energy to maybe curl his hands around Kanda's wrist and hold him there. Then he realizes, usually, he doesn't want Kanda's hand at his throat and he glares up into the smirking eyes of his comrade. "Not yet!"

"Then admit it." The exorcist says easily, hand still curled around his throat. The other one, he realizes, is clutched at his shirt, twisted in the fabric like he sometimes sees Komui do with a rosary.

But of course Allen won't admit he's been defeated- he never has with Kanda, and never, ever will. And he's nothing but a fake gentleman, anyways. He can forget he likes Kanda for the minute. The part of his mind where all things dark and scary reside rubs it's hands evilly and the smile that creeps it's way onto his face is nothing but innocence, which is probably the worst smile that Allen could give anyone.

"I-" He starts, one hand going to rest in the crook of Kanda's elbow- he smirks expectantly, maybe a little too trusting of someone in such a prone position. A little voice that impersonates Cross whispers that he shouldn't ever underestimate anyone, even cute little British boys with an affinity for mitarishi dango.

"Admit-" He says, second, and his legs, which had been lying on either side of Kanda's lazily before, bend at the knee; his other hand goes to rest on Kanda's wrist, of the hand that's strangling him, deceptively. Another little voice notes how nice the inside of Kanda's wrist feels.

Then, lastly- and this is before his eyes darken and smiles sharpen, in the instance that Kanda's eyes widen when he realizes that the innocent smile of Allen Walker was actually the smile that quite plainly said _I'm going to fuck you up_- "Nothing!"

The hand lying in the crook of Kanda's elbow pushes, hard, against the joint, and Kanda is unable to stiffen it before his right shoulder is falling; the hand that was simply curled around the other's wrist shoots up, hard, into his shoulder and pushes, and he's sure that Kanda's world is starting to tilt as he goes along with it. And, finally, his left knee finds purchase against a hard stomach and pushes, roughly, until Kanda is basically booted off of him and he scrambles after the boy.

The scuffle lasts a few seconds- in which Kanda manages to get a nasty punch in that will bruise his eye a lovely shade of blue and green later- before Allen ends up sitting on Kanda, holding his wrists tight against the floor, and feet hooked under Kanda's knees as the other man struggles, trying to buck him off.

Of course, in the back of his mind there is something like his chastity and virtue and all things good and holy _dying a horrible death_ because he is currently on top of one Yu Kanda, who he has had a big thing for since the longest time apparently, in a position that would probably make him much happier in the bedroom, but through the adrenaline that courses through his veins like a virus, he can only glow triumphantly at the fact that he currently beat Kanda in what was basically a wrestling match.

Of course, Kanda is Not Happy. His face, which is usually all unpleasant but pretty nice to look at anyway, is set hard in a scowl that would make champions shit their pants. Allen thinks he should be afraid but can't be when he's on top of him. Nothing like a bottomed Yu to make him feel confident, then realizes that isn't a thought he shouldn't be having right now.

"Get off me." Kanda hisses in his most deadly voice, fists clenched. His eyebrow is twitching in what is possibly a mix of anger, hatred, and embarrassment. Allen continues smiling and might possibly wonder, later, why he is so stupid.

"No. You have to admit defeat." Then, when Allen's face possibly couldn't get any brighter, it does- the innocent smile, the one that quite plainly says plenty of vulgar things to the person it is directed at, appears.

"Or." He says. "You could call me Allen."

Kanda's mouth snaps shut at that, and the expression on Allen's face doesn't leave.

There is really nothing more to say.

That is, until Kanda exhales violently- so violently, in fact, that his bangs fly above his forehead for that brief second, and he looks at Allen straight in the eye. Then starts leaning up.

This is when Allen notices that they are way too fucking close- his nose was five inches from Kanda's, max, and he hadn't really been paying attention to the way Kanda's eyes had a deep, dark ring of blue around the iris and how his eyelashes were dangerously long for a man's- no way-

"You." Kanda breathes, eyes lowered a bit, still staring directly into his eyes. Allen's heart skips and jumps and feels like it's being squeezed and he feels like there is a fucking fissure rushing down his spine. The places where he is holding Kanda down have erupted into little tiny riots, bouncing heavily on his skin.

"Are." Kanda's breath passes over his lips and he's not really aware that his mouth is open like an idiot- he just knows that his mouth is incredibly dry and he darts out his tongue to lick at the skin, and his eyes are impossibly wide when they go to rest on the slightly parted lips of Kanda's. His grip goes lax when he realizes that he is _actually about to kiss Kanda._

"A-"

Then he is violently pushed off, and the next thing he knows is that he is on his back with a dirty shoe pressed against his chest. He's actually panting- panting, for God's sake, of all the embarrassing things to be doing- and when he looks up Kanda is smirking crazily. Like, not in the 'I'm better than you' kinda way. It's- actually in a way Allen has never seen before, admittedly, but he's going to guess is happy because Kanda hasn't done anything yet.

"Bean sprout." Kanda finishes dramatically, once he sees that Allen has realized what has happened. He stares up at the taller teen, eyes still wide and heart still beating frantically, until Kanda removes his foot.

He makes no move to get up and Kanda is still smirking down at him. Allen has no clue what that was about until Kanda starts talking. It still takes him a minute to process what he is saying.

"You're a shitty exorcist." He starts, matter of factly and in his hateful voice that screams superiority and a little bit of anger at him, for some reason. "You give up too easily, even if you made that bullshit promise to keep moving forward."

Kanda's eyes are a light black- almost gray if they weren't so deep- and he kind of scowls when he realizes Allen is staring at him with an expression of confusion and wonder on his face.

"Stop fucking up." He states.

Then Kanda leaves. And Allen has no idea by what he meant by all of that, but he starts thinking, miserably, that the world is in for trouble when Kanda Yu starts using his sex appeal to win his battles.

-------

Of course, after having to take some deep breathes to calm down raging hormones before he stepped out into the hall, which isn't really easy when a tiny little yellow ball is smirking at you- of _course_ he'd run into someone else that totally reminded him of Kanda and all that came with the boy. Like how he had just almost been kissed by him. And-

Then Marie coughs, and Allen's eyes zoom in on his face. Not his eyes, because even if the larger man couldn't see him his eyes were still kind of weird to look at. Though he really couldn't have said anything about weird looks. He was seventeen with white hair and a jagged scar on his face, for God's sake.

"Allen." Marie said in his rough voice. Allen wonders how it would feel like to be blind. Then tries to imagine sex blind because he's seventeen and had just barely gotten rid of a boner.

He forcefully shoves those thoughts out of his head and answers in the most innocent tone he can manage. "Yes?"

Marie is kind of boring next to Kanda, Allen thinks- like, um. Maybe he's being biased because he actually has a thing for the other boy but Kanda would have made some other action besides looking at him with a plain face that didn't say anything. "Are you free at the moment?"

Allen nods, then remembers Marie can't see anything. Which kind of makes him feel like a dick, but he just says yes again.

There is silence for a second, as if the older man is contemplating what to say. The second isn't very long, though, as Marie never seemed the type to hesitate. "You and Kanda are friends?"

Allen's contemplated the question, a little confused. Were he and Kanda friends? Really? Or just a confused bundle of no-you-suck and companionship? Because, though he may have liked Kanda it didn't mean Kanda liked him.

Which sorta depressed him if he thought about it but. He wasn't really going to think about it that deep.

"Kind of." He gives, and Marie nods gravely, as if he had just given him a detailed analysis of why he wasn't really sure if he was friends with Kanda or not, and had come to a conclusion about it.

"Since Theodore isn't here at the moment, I'll save you the trouble of him coming to talk to you about this." Marie kind of stands there like a stone, face straight. Very still, Allen thinks. Unlike Kanda.

"'This'?" Allen inquires, with something like uncomfortable horror growing in his chest.

"Kanda doesn't want to be treated like a woman, and he doesn't want someone who will get in the way of his mission." Marie clarifies, making a sweeping motion, palm up and innocence parts around his fingers, from where Kanda had gone. "It's best to let him do things at his own pace."

Allen freezes at his words. Words that had basically said 'I know you like Kanda and you're being stupid about it'.

"Um." Allen says.

"He's really hard to get along with, as I'm sure you're aware." Marie continues, probably not oblivious to Allen's distress because he is the only man that could hear how fast his heart is beating. He's probably just too kind to let on that he knows Allen is having a panic attack. "But once you get to know him he is a very good person."

"But-" Allen starts.

"Stubborn but good." The blind man interrupts, nodding. Then, "It was nice having this talk with you, Allen. Kanda needs someone who will treat him like he should be treated."

There is silence, where Allen's heart refuses to calm down.

"I'll see you later." Marie ends, and then he's walking past Allen as if they had an entirely nice conversation about his and Kanda's relationship (well, um. Not really relationship but more like status, maybe). As if he didn't just say one word each time.

Allen's left to hyperventilate in the hall while Marie walks away, and wonders what in the hell just happened.


	4. Chapter 4

"Don't you get it?!"

This is what Lavi says in between peals of laughter that shake his whole body. Allen is such a horrible mess of blushing hormones that he doesn't even feel bad when Lavi falls off the bed with a loud 'thump' and a pained wail amongst his laughter.

"_No._" He snaps out, resting his forehead against his knees and arms wrapped tightly around himself. He wonders, blearily, why he was so full of confidence only a couple short days ago but is now an embarrassed mess, all because Kanda decided to pull sex appeal out of his many weapons.

If anything, the redhead laughs a little harder at his stiff answer; a little worried, he leans over the bed after a second and sees tears streaming down his face, hands clutching his stomach as if something was about to burst out of it; around him, Tim rolled, as if joining in on the laughter. Scowling, he crawls back into his previous position, really not caring if Lavi bust a gut. He'd probably laugh at him.

Then go get a nurse. But that was neither here nor there.

"You're about as dense as Yu-chan!"

"I am not!" Allen squawks out, and then does unfold and crawls over to the edge of the bed, where he stares at Lavi with embarrassment and anger. "I'm not as dense as Kanda!"

"You so are!" The other man chuckles, and then sits up, one hand laying across his stomach. "You're about as dense as him." Lavi's grin stretches wide over his face, deviously; Allen is reminded of a scarecrow Mana used to put outside their trailer when it was Halloween. "Did you know that Lenalee used to like you?"

Allen splutters and almost falls off the bed because the arm that had been holding him up had suddenly just- collapsed on him. He pushes himself up again after saving himself from either cracking his head open on the floor or landing in Lavi's lap, which is bad in equal proportions, he guesses.

"_No." _He says admittedly, staring at the other boy who looks like he's about to burst a gut again. Allen really hopes he does. "_She didn't._ I would have _known._"

Lavi grins at his face- a little horrified, a little disbelief, and a lot of fuck-no- and reaches up to pinch his cheek, which he bats at irritably.

"Allen, Allen, Allen." He repeats his name like a little mantra, as if it would drive the stupidity out of him. He kind of sees why Kanda wants to hit Lavi all the time. It'd be a good stress reliever. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the reason you didn't notice is because you expect people that _like-like _you to come out and kind of use their bodies to get your attention and just make it obvious, am I right?"

Lavi looks at him in that 'think, you idiot' way that Kanda does sometimes, and this gives him good pause to think about it.

Which he does. Hard. And realizes, yes. In all of his life the women (and men) that have liked him (few and far between) had draped themselves over him, smiled at him seductively. Christ, he knew Rhode even liked him because she outright kissed him. And all the women Cross had ever strung along often said that they would do anything for the man (usually with. Um. Sexual favors. At least Anita did more than that), and in Allen's than young mind that was- probably the norm. Only one woman had ever been nice to Cross in a way that suggested friendship and he didn't even remember her name.

"… That's." Allen frowns.

"True. And Lenalee isn't that kind of girl."

"I know." He says, lamely, but thinks it's kind of not his fault. Or maybe it is. But he feels just really confused right now. "But."

"But what?" Lavi lifts up his hand and examines the nails, as if he's bored with the conversation even if he had never been bored while talking about his lack-of-sex-and-romance life. Tim is still rolling around near him, but in a more lazy manner. "She doesn't like you in a romantic way anymore, Allen. Don't worry about it."

"But- should I- _apologize_?"

Lavi looks up at him with the most scandalized look Allen has ever seen on him- and, considering that Lavi went through facial expressions as much as he breathed, this makes him laugh a little.

"_Never _apologize about not being able to return love." Lavi says seriously, even if the scandalized look is still plastered on his face. "It's just- not the thing to do. It embarrasses all parties involved and- just don't do it."

"Um. Okay." He agrees, for lack of anything else to say.

He really hadn't known that Lenalee liked him. Really. He thought- that it was just a friendship thing. A strong friendship. And she was a nice girl, really. Strong. But he just- he did like her. But not in that way.

"Marie gave you permission to date Kanda." Lavi says thoughtfully, looking up at the ceiling and probably counting the cracks.

Allen splutters and this time does fall of the bed- Lavi reacts a split second too late and he crashes hard, head hitting the floor, which causes stars to explode on the darkness of his eyelids. He thinks he blacks out for a second because he opens his eyes to Lavi propping him up against the bed, looking worried but oddly amused, Tim fluttering about worriedly in the background.

"Did you just pass out?" Is the first thing the redhead says, hand going to press lightly against his throat, maybe to check his pulse.

"I thi-"

"Let me rephrase that." Lavi interrupts, and another vicious grin takes over his face. "Did you just pass out because I told you Marie, Kanda's teammate and, basically, _his brother_ gave you permission on behalf of his whole _team_ to pursue and later date Kanda?"

Allen is silent, thinking of how wrong the whole thing is. Marie did not give him… _permission, _of all the horrible things, to basically go after Kanda.

"What if I told you _Kanda_ gave you permission to go after him?"

This makes Allen's throat tighten and his world shrink for a split second- his head feels like it's stuffed with cotton and annoyingly cute and fluffy things and- _Kanda said he could go after him_.

"_No_." He says, kind of horrified.

"_Yes_." Lavi says back and his grin is so wide that- that- Allen can't think. His brain has shut down, maybe. He feels really, really overwhelmed.

"_No_." He says, because he has nothing better to say.

"He did." Lavi declares with something stupid like pride in his voice. Allen doesn't know why Lavi would be proud of the fact that he is obviously wrong on so many levels that aren't even funny and- _really._ Lavi is being entirely stupid and idiotic and he's channeling Kanda here because he really wants to punch the other boy in the mouth so he'll stop saying stupid things.

"Think about it." He starts, palm up and eyes trekking down Allen's body. He feels slightly violated. "Kanda does that thing that makes you freak out and it's kind of understood that he won that round. Under any other circumstance, he would have just beat you to a pulp and then walked off."

Allen nods meekly, still wondering how Kanda can deal with not punching Lavi all the time when he just feels like- well, overwhelmed.

"BUT." Lavi proclaims boldly, face still very punch able. "He didn't. Instead-" Here, the other teen's fingers go to rest on Allen's stomach and start walking up, little by little and, when they get to his heart, stop, simply resting there. Allen wonders what the hell the symbolism is here. "He insulted you, which he admittedly does every time he sees you, but- can you tell me what he did this time, bean sprout?"

"It's Allen, and no." He says bluntly. The overwhelmed feeling is starting to fade, along with the disbelief and all the other emotions that had bundled up to attack him. "Kanda isn't like that. _At all_. Even if he did say that-"

"He didn't say it _outright_." Lavi says with a tone of one that is long suffering. Allen's fingers curl and uncurl. "Think about it. _Hard_. _'You give up too easily'._"

Something about the way Lavi says it, with a hint of aggressiveness that reminds him of Kanda and the way he kind of stares at him, expecting something. An answer, most likely, but Allen thinks of Kanda and how the boy looked at him, with a little hint of disdain and anger and just like Kanda would.

How Kanda had told him he was the worst kind of person in an Italian ghost town, with the background noise a girl's song of lament. The rushing in his ears when he realized that the world had broken down and, with it, three people he had cherished and among them the boy he was scared of liking.

Then, Kanda, not even a day ago- _'you give up too easily_'.

'_You give up too easily.'_

_**'You give up too easily.'**_

Something about those words.

There is a deep guilty feeling when he thinks about giving up- a kind of resentment that probably stems from the failure he felt before he met Mana, before he became an exorcist and didn't have convictions. Before he had something to protect.

Then he thinks about Kanda telling him not to give up.

Kanda doesn't give a shit about his mission, and Kanda doesn't care about his past. Kanda isn't selfish, but he's focused on his own goals.

Why would Kanda tell him not to give up?

The realization hits him, quite quickly and stupidly and he still doesn't want to believe it because it makes his heart squeeze but his head probably a lot stupider when it comes to trying to get Kanda to- well, _like him back._

"Oh, _God_." He squeaks.

Lavi laughs at him, and the hand on his heart goes to pat his shoulder. "At least you don't have to worry about whether he'll kill you when you go to give him a lap dance."

--------------------

Allen, for the better part of the week, kind of- _skulks_. He doesn't know what to do and, until he does, he thinks he should just- do what Cross did. Which was just be a general creep and all and. And. It kind of sucks to be like Cross when he has what could be a sure thing going on but- really. Still.

But then Lenalee- dear, sweet Lenalee, who everyone loves unconditionally and would give their lives for- forces him to bring tea to Kanda and he tries not to feel bad because- he doesn't really want too but he'd never say no to her. Which he really sometimes regrets.

So he ends up taking tea to Kanda.

The thing is, he can't actually _find_ Kanda. He had first looked in the training rooms, obviously. Then the library. Then he had actually asked around, which was kind of embarrassing because he was asking after Kanda. The small smile Marie gave him made him blush even further.

"He's training in the woods." Marie says kindly, and he doesn't feel bad when he just nods his thanks and runs off without a goodbye.

After another forty five minutes of searching for Kanda- the forest was big and tangled and, frankly, he didn't have much in the way of searching skills- he finds him by a stream, resting against a tree trunk.

Allen takes a moment to appreciate him- obvious, really, because he's sure Kanda can sense him there. But the boy doesn't make any sign of getting up to snap his neck, so Allen just- stares.

The way that Kanda's hair sticks to his neck, wet with sweat or water; the way his eyebrows are drawn into a sharp 'v' over his closed eyes; the way his muscles are well-defined and his shirt is off and- it's all really, really nice-

_Stop being stupid_, Allen thinks, and walks over to Kanda until he's standing above him and expertly avoiding thinking of anything related to sex and Kanda.

Before he can do anything else, Kanda opens his eyes and zeroes in on him, and his lips curl up into something like a smirk, without all the unpleasantness usually associated. This makes Allen's stomach drop nicely and his face warm.

"I bought you tea." He finally says, as it's the first thing he can manage. Then he holds out the large cup dumbly and waits for Kanda to sit up and take it.

When the man does- and Allen tries hard not too look at the way his arms flex as he pushes himself up and the way his stomach tightens as he leans over- his fingertips brush Allen's and he quickly drops the cup in his large hands; a little splashes over the side and streams down Kanda's fingers.

He flicks his hands and then licks the rest off, and Allen remembers that Kanda discovered his sex appeal, which has made him stupid and terribly, terribly uncomfortable.

Then he takes a sip from the cup and promptly scowls, which obviously makes him a lot less stupid and a lot less uncomfortable.

"What the fuck is this?" He spits, and thrusts the cup towards him; a lot splashes over the side this time and dribbles down his arm but he doesn't take notice; instead, he is intent on staring at Allen with the most affronted look on his face.

Allen, ever the smart ass, even in the face of a great body, pulls an offended face. "It's _tea._" And, as an afterthought. "_Darjeeling_. You said you _liked _Darjeeling."

"I never said I liked it." Kanda argues, and to the horror of Allen upends the cup on the ground; some of it splashes against his shoes and Allen looks down and scowls at it, completely offended that Kanda had thrown away the tea Allen spent hours trying to give to him. "But _that _was cold."

The face that Allen pulls is probably hilarious because Kanda looks away and scowls, but it's still not his usual scowl- as if he's trying not to smile. Allen takes this as a positive sign and feels a little better, even though he hadn't really thought of the tea going cold in his search for Kanda.

After a minute of not-feeling-too-embarrassed, Allen twists his mouth into a little, playful frown and says "Well, if you weren't so difficult to find."

Kanda's never-unchanging expression doesn't change, of course, though his eyes take on a slight shine that looks like amusement. "It's not my fault you have no skills in finding people."

"At least the thought counts!" he argues, crossing his arms and cocking a hip. Kanda's eyes glance down his body for a long second and Allen tries not to feel to self conscious, feeling something akin to pleasure and excitement that makes his stomach warm. "My finding skills shouldn't matter if I'm doing something nice."

Kanda snorts at that. "You couldn't find snow in Siberia."

"It shouldn't matter!" Allen huffs, eyes drilling into Kanda's and Not Wandering below his neck.

"I didn't even ask you to bring me tea." Kanda argues back as he turns to look out towards the river, voice deep. Allen can't tell if he's getting annoyed or just dismissing him.

Allen makes a face at the side of his head and twists his mouth into something resembling a frown and a glower. Definitely not something like a _pout_. "Then I won't from this point on, if it bothers you so much."

"Whatever." The other exorcist says, voice completely dry of all human emotion. Then there is nothing and Allen kind of feels like he's been snubbed. When Kanda makes no other move to acknowledge his presence- which shouldn't surprise him _at all_- he definitely feels like he's been snubbed.

Which really bothers him because he brought fucking _tea_ to Kanda, and it took him _hours_, and the other boy shouldn't be so goddamn- well, _ungrateful_ but this is Kanda and he doesn't even know why he's in love with the boy, anyway. He's obviously deluded.

"Fine then!" Allen says after five minutes of silence, of him awkwardly standing there and shuffling his feet while Kanda stares out at the little river without his shirt on.

He turns around, not even bothering to pick up the upended cup- it was Kanda's problem now, damn it- and actually manages to make it twenty steps before Kanda yells, in a very Kanda-ish way because Kanda usually doesn't yell, God forbid because he's too dignified for _that_, "You forgot the cup, idiot."

Allen calls over his shoulder, dismissively, "It's your cup, BaKanda! Your tea, your cup."

He can practically hear the annoyance in the Japanese man's voice, can imagine the grimace on his face. As if he swallowed something unpleasant because Allen had forced something down his throat.

And if that didn't bring any images to his already wild imagination-

"You bought it out here, you take it back."

Allen turns around because he's a gentlemen- well, a gentlemen taught by a womanizing, debt collecting, child beating psycho- and knows that the best battles are fought face to face. "As it is," He starts, glaring daggers at the boy that was twenty feet away. "I don't really want to be bothered to pick up after you."

Kanda still doesn't turn around to look at him, but Allen can imagine his expression. Which isn't difficult, really, because it's the same one he always wears.

But then Kanda turns around and gives him a _look_, which is entirely different from his expectations and he falters, his feet shuffling on the forest floor.

The look Kanda gives him is one of frustration and maybe a little expectation. As if he's not sure what Allen will do but is sure that he'll do something. And the whole thing about it is that Allen wasn't even sure what his next step was, now and towards Kanda in general, so.

He shuffles his feet some more, aware the silence is going awkward, and Kanda scowls at him, turning away again.

"Whatever." He says.

And it seems like this point in time is incomplete- like, for some reason, Allen is supposed to say or do something that will keep their relationship exactly the same or change it for the better or for the worst. Which way it will change, Allen isn't sure, but he takes a step forward because- because he's never stopped before and he isn't about to stop now.

"How's the water?" He blurts out, sounding cheerful but cautious, and Kanda turns to look at him with a new light in his eyes, as if Allen had made the right decision and he had doubted him all along.

"Cold." Kanda sneers, simply, and that is that. Allen isn't sure if anything is changed but there was definitely a shift of some kind.

Allen, instead of biting, shrugs and smiles a bit- pinpoints the change as a good one, which makes his chest warm and the skin of his neck tingle with what could be a blush rising.

And, simply: "I'll take your word for it."

He hesitates a bit at first, which he can see Kanda feels, in the way his shoulders relax and his eyes darken, before his fingers go to the buttons of his shirt and he starts unbuttoning it, one by one, piece by piece, and- it's unnerving, with Kanda watching his every move. It makes his skin hum and flush.

Then he realizes the whole scene is just- basically- _sensual_. The revealing of skin while Kanda watches and this does make him flush, which Kanda just smirks at.

Then he just shrugs his shirt off, the cloth falling, whispering, to the ground and goes to undo his pants, trying not to hurry because maybe- just maybe- something will happen and the hope of this makes his mouth dry and his heart slow to a steady beat and Kanda is still looking at him like there is something more to his stare, something quite different and delicious and- Allen is seventeen, he isn't supposed to be feeling _this_ high strung at the possibility of sharing his body with another.

But then, abruptly, Kanda turns away, walks towards the tree where he'd been resting, and Allen falters again; he isn't entirely sure what to do, without Kanda watching him. Stop? Continue? Follow him?

The last one makes his stomach warm and- and he really wishes he wasn't seventeen.

When Kanda gets to the tree he just turns around and sits languidly against it, eyes still dark on Allen.

Suddenly, right then and there, he feels apprehensive. Cautious. Frightened. Really, really unsure, but for some reason he knows he can't screw this up. Can't do something that would piss Kanda off because Kanda is kind of opening up, watching him like this.

Something in his head says 'stop', so he does. He looks at Kanda while Kanda looks at him and then he realizes that if he were to walk towards the other man right now and went to kiss him or something like that it would just be conveyed as- as something sexual. Like all he wants is Kanda and sex with Kanda, when it's entirely not. Not anymore

That was what it had been in the beginning, the desperate needy want of wanting Kanda in more ways physically then he could count. But now it's different. It's so much more different. And he wants Kanda to know that more than anything.

So, the decision is difficult and hard and makes him his body moan in frustration, especially since he's already half hard, but what he does is turn around, slip off his pants, and dive into the water in his underwear without thinking about it.

It's shockingly cold. His skin screams in protest but he reaches his arms out and kicks hard, going a few feet, not allowing himself to think at all. He waits until it's almost painful before he breaks the surface, taking deep, gasping breaths that make his chest expand widely.

When he looks toward the shore, towards the tree, Kanda is still watching him. He brings both hands up to draw the hair our of his face, slick against the top of his head, and gives him a tight lipped smile before he dives again.

The swimming is refreshing. So much more refreshing then the baths at the Order because it just feels so much more natural. It makes him remember Australia, swimming in the empty rivers with the water running warm courses down his skin. The way the water had seemed thick and lazy, except here it's seems hurried and so much wetter.

Soon the water warms against his skin and he's able to float, doing leisurely strokes. He can see the appeal Kanda takes in nature. It makes him feel at one with himself. He hums a light tune as he relaxes in the water, and all the things he can forget he does.

It seems like a great while later that he manages to pull himself out of the water, arms actually groaning at the effort of dragging a waterlogged bean sprout, as Kanda would call him, out of the inviting water. Allen almost gives into temptation and slips in again but barely manages to reason that Kanda was probably sick of watching him do laps up and down the river.

He dries himself by rolling around in the fresh grass- something Mana had taught him after one too many times of him rushing off and jumping in the lakes with nothing close to dry him off - and when he stands up he is able to pull his pants on with little difficulty. His body wholeheartedly agrees when he decides that he'll just leave his shirt open. To enjoy the breeze, he firmly reminds himself, not to tempt anyone in any way.

After sliding his feet into his boots he walks up to Kanda, mouth opened to say something about trusting Kanda's opinion more often. The words stop in his throat when he realizes that Kanda isn't meditating silently, but simply sleeping.

This knocks him senseless for a second, because it seems so… _odd_ that Kanda would just fall asleep. Especially in a forest. Especially in front of him. Something about it speaks of trust and security and Allen feels a warm fuzziness in his chest at the thought.

Allen isn't sure what to do, though, so he just stands there. He doesn't want to wake the other boy up but he doesn't want to leave him there, either. He could sit and wait but he isn't sure his mind could handle being so close to a vulnerable Kanda for so long.

And it seems like his mind can't even stand it for the few minutes it takes for him to decide what to do, because his eyes zoom in on Kanda's hair, hanging in dark curtains around his face, and he abruptly wants to touch it really, really bad.

He's imagined it before- twisting the fingers of his right hand in the strands, finding them delicate and soft like feathers. Or pulling on them, of them being rough and bristly like a horse's mane. He's imagined a hundred different situations with Kanda's hair being one of the main features and he had thought he had a fetish, once, before he realized that he just liked how Kanda looked.

The impulse is one of the most horrible things he's ever felt concerning Kanda, because the boy is right there and _sleeping. Unaware_. There is quite possibly a chance that if he does touch Kanda's hair there will be no consequence and the poker demon in him likes those odds.

He bites his lips and stares at Kanda, wondering if he's really stupid or just really in like and he is stupid and in like, probably.

This doesn't stop him from walking closer to Kanda and kneeling oh so carefully beside him. Kanda's face remains impassive, unguarded. Allen could possibly think Kanda is dozing, with the way his brows are still drawn tight over his eyes, but he knows he's just deeply asleep by the way his chest rises and falls slowly.

This is a moment which feels like it has a lot riding on it, too- so much that Allen sucks in his own breath and reaches out with both hands to run his fingers along the lengths that fall beside Kanda's face.

It's incredibly anticlimactic and Kanda's hair feels rough but tangible. Like his own hair, really, but longer and slightly better taken care of. His fingers curl around a thick strand and slide down, gently. Not enough to pull and wake Kanda, of course.

His eyes roam over Kanda's face when he pulls softly again, and there is still no change. Not even a grimace. This makes Allen feel horribly grateful to a God that doesn't condone such behaviour and decides he's feeling a little adventurous by running the tips of his fingers down behind Kanda's ears.

It feels- nice. Incredibly relaxing, like lazing around with a book on a hot sunny evening. The possibility of always feeling like this rises up in Allen like a great wave and he feels breathless with the want for a second.

Then he looks at Kanda's face and the want is a hard, palpable thing that pulls at his heart strings. He looks at the sharp lines of his jaw and the soft curves of his cheek; at the wings of his eyelashes and the decline of his nose. Kanda is possibly the most beautiful person Allen has seen and the want turns into a soft hug around his heart. The stupid smile curling his mouth is something he can't even bring himself to care about.

Love, his heart says, yearning.

He can't bring himself to look away and his thoughts are empty, chest warm, before there is a realization he's been sitting there for a long time in the form of something hard knocking against his head.

"Ow!" He says, kind of loudly, and quickly glances over at Kanda to make sure the man didn't wake; his steady breaths continue and he whirls around to glare at Timcampy, who seems to be giving him a horrible grin without the actual facial expression.

"What?" He says, slightly annoyed. Tim turns to look at the path leading back to headquarters and he gets that he has to head back there for some reason. Probably to see Komui, he thinks, and when he voices his opinion Tim nods with all the finesse a small flying ball of technology can have.

Then Tim turns to look at Kanda and Allen realizes the nice little happy session he was having with Kanda's hair was probably over, so he lets out a sigh.

"Go tell Komui I'll be there in a minute, with Kanda," He says, and Tim grins at him again. "And don't you give me that look, buster. If you tell anyone I'm gonna trap you in my closet for a week."

-----------------

Not even an hour after he had decided to stupidly pet Kanda's hair, Komui calls them into the office. 'Them' consists of Kanda, still looking groggy from when Allen had woke him up, twenty minutes ago; Lenalee, who is in a bad mood because she is quiet, and in a bad way; and Allen, who is still high from the adrenaline rush from when he was stupid enough to actually touch Kanda.

Komui looks relatively cheerful, even going so far as to smile when he greets them, until he sees Lenalee's expression- immediately his face drops and his expression is horrified and angry.

"Lenaleeee! Never mind the mission, just go and rest and don't forget to write in your diary why you're upset! The problem will sort itself! You big brother will take care of it!"

Lenalee gives him a cold, kind stare; Allen mentally wonders how Komui has built up a resistant to that. It would probably chill Tyki Mikk to the bone, if the man was ever on the wrong end of that look. Considering the way things were, the Noah probably would be on that particular end. He was glad he had Lenalee on his side. Really.

Komui seems to shiver with something like rage or fear, and Allen mentally retracts his statement about resistance.

"I'm fine, brother." She says, and Komui withers even further into himself, which Allen wasn't even sure was possible.

"Well," He sniffs, with tears streaming down his face. Allen is also sure Komui is probably the most dramatic person he has ever met. "The mission involves a snake. And a girl. And innocence. In Liberia, Africa. Go find it."

"Um," Allen says as Komui sulks further into his desk.

He glances out of the corner of his eye at Kanda, who is hopefully just as confused as he is but is showing it by scowling, just like he usually does anyway.

When he glances at Lenalee, she is closing her eyes and looks to be silently counting to ten. When she opens her eyes again, her eyes look warmer but with the unmistakable blankness of acting.

"Brother," She says sweetly, hands folded demurely in her lap. "Can you give us more information than that?"

As if he had just had his third morning cup of coffee, Komui perks up. His smile is so big and large and genuine that Allen can automatically see how he and Lenalee are related.

"Alrighty!" Komui starts, going from slouching to sitting so fast that Allen thinks he must have just imagined it before. "The mission is to retrieve this girl- her name is Nyabo de Nyschen, and she definitely has some innocence. A hundred percent sure. Her innocence is kind of like Cloud Nyne's innocence."

Komui takes a sip of his coffee, and in that moment Allen connects _Cloud Nyne's Innocence_ with _Snake_. A- a giant snake? He thinks, with something like growing panic in his chest. It's- not that he was afraid of them. It was just- _giant snake._

"The animal is a Gaboon Viper, but that's not the only thing," Komui continues, smile a little duller now that they're talking about the mission. "The actual innocence is in a flute she uses to control the snake. She can make it grow larger, smaller, more poisonous, longer. Anything, really."

Then he pauses, and any traces of a smile are gone.

"This is a highly dangerous mission," He says somberly, hands tight around his coffee cup, "The Gaboon Viper is one of the largest and most poisonous snakes, and the girl has been found to be a bit… unruly when it comes to authority. This is why there are three of you, and you will all be handed anti-venom in case of emergency."

One hand sweeps towards the three files lying at the front of his desk. He smiles, tight. "This is why there are three of you going on the mission, instead of the usual two. I wish you the best of luck."

With that they're dismissed, Lenalee leaning around the desk and giving her brother a goodbye hug before exiting out the door with Kanda.

Allen is the last to leave, and is just about to close the door before turning his head to ask Komui something. His mouth shuts, though, when he sees the weary look on the man's face. He wisely chooses to shut the door.

--------------------

By the time they're on the carriage, Lenalee has cheered up considerably and is chattering, wondering aloud about the trinkets they might possibly be able to buy. Let it never be said that Lenalee can't talk a streak, he thinks fondly.

"I also want to go to the bazaar," she's saying, filling in the silence Kanda always provides.

Said man is leaning against the side of the carriage, legs splayed in front of him. He looks so nonchalant and content, mouth set in a relaxed line, that it makes spit pool under Allen's tongue and want sit heavy in his stomach; he tries to distract himself by focusing on the conversation with Lenalee, his own legs crossed.

"… Nice silk scarves, I've heard."

"Too bad we aren't going to Banjul," he says absentmindedly, hoping to God that he has the right thread of conversation. "There is a older lady, one of Cross'… friend's mothers. She makes the scarves by hand. They're very beautiful."

Kanda snorts at that and both he and Lenalee turn their heads to give him an imploring look.

He flicks his eyes to Allen and sneers. "Jesus Christ you're gay."

Allen's face faults into his own offended scowl, mouth opening to shout a retort, a reprimand, even a denial before something occurs to him: was 'you're gay' actually an insult for him? Wasn't he?

He hadn't ever really thought about it. He just knew he was pursuing Kanda; that he had enjoyed kissing the brother more than the sister those years ago; that, when he had been young and impressionable and still unsure if his master was the devil or not, he had harbored a small admiration of the man that wasn't entirely platonic. Of course, it had been extinguished a day after meeting him and finding out he was the devil, but it had been nonetheless _there_.

The closest he had come to liking a girl the way he liked Kanda was Lenalee- Lenalee, who he thought was cute when he met her. Lenalee, who he admired and held affection for until she had become like the sister he was sure he never had.

If he wasn't gay, if he just hadn't found a girl he liked like Kanda, he was at the very least- what did they call it? Bisexual? He was at the very least bisexual.

So he was basically gay by default than. This knowledge bothered Allen a lot less then he thought it would, really- finally defining a part of himself instead of avoiding the question but not his fantasies. He'd… probably think about it more later, but.

"Is that a problem?" He asked, leveling his eyes at Kanda. Lenalee startled to attention, probably expecting a fight to break out instead of Allen's calm question.

Kanda's eyes snapped to his and they stared at each other, challenging; in Kanda's face he saw the same indifference and superiority that was always there, but also a kind of- admiration.

This baffled him a little- admiration was something he didn't deal with well. And coming from Kanda…? Why?

Before Allen could look deeper, to try and find the _why_, Kanda broke the gaze and looked out the window, trademark scowl on his face. "You're always a problem, bean sprout."

Allen's smiled at that, feeling a bit giddy because Kanda, of course, wouldn't care because of the whole permission thing but it still made him stupidly happy to know that Kanda had nothing against gay people. Just him, apparently. It was a kind of acceptance, then- or, at the least, Kanda characteristically really not giving a shit.

"It's Allen, BaKanda," He says, smile stupid on his face even though Kanda isn't looking at him. "And I think it's your lack of intelligence that's the real problem…"

---------------

The rest of the trip is exhausting but relaxing, in a way- Lenalee and Allen chatter, Kanda contributing minimally; when he does, it's him usually making death threats towards Allen's wellbeing.

By the time they get to the house they're staying at, one that is trying to resemble a European house, pink is dusting the horizon and only a slimmer of the rising sun is visible.

They head up to their room- which is really an attic with two single beds and a cot. One of the beds is meant for Lenalee, obvious by the sheet hanging between it and the other bed and cot. What the host doesn't know is that Lenalee, at most, will change behind the sheet- on the other missions Allen has been on with her, she usually ends up pushing the sheet aside to talk to him, anyway.

Kanda doesn't even ask, throwing his satchel on the spare bed and shrugging off his coat, throwing it over. Allen scowls at him, back not really looking forward to the uncomfortable few hours they might get to sleep.

"I get it tomorrow." Allen grumbles, throwing his own bag beside his cot. Kanda sneers at him.

"Maybe."

Kanda grabs the basin that sits on the dresser and with one last sneer at Allen goes to fill it with water from the pump half a mile away. Once he leaves the room, Allen sighs and goes to work lighting the three candles they were provided and placing them strategically around the room.

For all of its inconveniences, Allen realizes he missed Africa. Something about the simplicity, he supposes. Having to run for your water and having to light your candles at night.

By the time he's lit the candles Lenalee returns from talking to the master of the house about not cleaning their rooms. Better safe than sorry, after all- a lot of their possessions, like their coats or compasses, could be sold for a pretty penny. And if a Broker got a hold of their reports and gave them to the Earl- well.

"Honestly," Lenalee mutters, spreading her skirt with her hands once she drops her bag on the separated bed, "You think they would understand that I'm not being taken advantage of by you two. The Master's wife even offered a separate room at a reduced price!" She sighs, aiming a grin at Allen. "I would have liked to see the look on their faces if I told them one was gay and the other frigid."

Allen bursts out laughing and so does Lenalee, who falls back on the bed with a small 'fump' and a smile. There's a second of silence, where their laughter is subsiding, before Allen speaks up.

"You don't care than either than, Lenalee? He looks down at his left hand again, taps it on his thigh. "That I'm pursuing Kanda? That I'm gay?"

When he looks up, Lenalee smiles the kind, sad smile he's only seen on her face a couple of times- it's the equivalent of Kanda's 'are you stupid?' look and Lavi's incredulous 'you have to ask?' one.

"Of course I don't care!" She says softly, getting up and walking over to him; the bed dips as she sits beside him, hands reaching for his. "You're my friend and that's all that matters to me. I want what's best for you."

Then she adds, a little mischievously, "And if anyone can make Kanda loosen up a little, you can. You're basically doing the whole Order a favor."

A little laugh breaks out from under Allen's nervousness and he feels happy again.

"Anything for the Order." He says solemnly, and Lenalee giggles again. Something occurs to him, than, and he frowns. "I forgot to ask, Lenalee, but why were you in such a bad mood yesterday, when we were leaving?"

It's the most curious thing when Lenalee blushes because, in Allen's experience, bad moods don't really call for blushing.

"I-" She starts, before being interrupted by a voice behind them.

"Are you two girls done gossiping?" Kanda grouses, voice dripping with disgust and sarcasm. "I'd like to have at least a few hours sleep before we have to find that girl."

Lenalee looks behind them and grins- out of thankfulness, Allen notices, and silently vows to himself to get down to the bottom of whatever is making Lenalee blushing and mad.

"Sorry Kanda," She says teasingly, going to stand up. "Wouldn't want to interrupt your beauty sleep."

Allen chokes trying to swallow his laughter even though Lenalee doesn't, despite the look of absolute loathing on Kanda's face.

As they settle down for their nap, Kanda making the silence a tense one all on his own, Allen has a feeling that it's going to be a good mission.


	5. Chapter 5

It is a horrible, horrible mission.

His back aches, his boots have been chewed through by various vermin, and Kanda is surlier than usual. Also, the one thing he hasn't missed about Africa is the goddamned _heat_. He hardly remembers it being like this- sweat sliding down his neck, one hand clammy in his glove. He's even foregone wearing his hood, opting for a light bandana to keep the hair out of his face. It's worth braving the stares to catch a little more breeze.

Lenalee and Kanda are perhaps feeling it worse than him; Lenalee has dragged her mattress to the ground, to be closer to the floor, and has taken to drawing the curtain around her bed so she can sleep with close to nothing on. Kanda had decided on the first day to stop wearing his exorcist's coat, striding down the streets with Mugen in plain view (and this, Allen finds sadly, has gotten them information faster than usual. With the women, though, it's obvious they're more occupied with staring at Kanda's glistening arms and chest rather than the menacing sword strapped to his hip. This is the only time, he also finds, that he feels like hitting a woman).

The whole upside of the heat is that Kanda has taken to sleeping without a shirt. That is the one thing that Allen will not complain about.

At the moment, they're walking one of the less busy streets. The vendors are crowing on all sides, of course, but hardly anyone is selling their wares on a blanket or trying to entertain the crowds milling about. Some yell at them in garbled English, while others eye Allen with distaste and trepidation; one woman even makes the sign of the cross and lowers her eyes as he passes, muttering what looks like a prayer.

Allen smiles tightly at that, trying not to look at her as they pass. Another reason he didn't miss Africa.

"Why are they doing that?" Lenalee hisses, grabbing his arm in a tight grip. "We're not - not attacking them or harassing them, we're from the Order-"

"It's because of me," Allen whispers, trying not to look at the crestfallen look that's appeared her face. "They think I'm cursed."

She falls silent at that and the grip on his arm loosens. He pulls away, a little guiltily, and strides to catch up with Kanda who is walking several feet ahead.

Two hours later finds them in a backroom in an antiques shop, the finder, named Adjoa, translating their questions. It all seems in vain, however- the man keeps hissing at the finder, making wild gestures, and the woman looks at a loss for what to say. Kanda seems about ready to burst a blood vessel he's glaring so hard.

It all becomes clear when the shop owner's eyes zero in on Allen, hatred burning deep within them, and whispers furiously "Devil."

The next seconds happen so fast that he feels like blinking would be stupid- Lenalee pushes her chair back, mouth open and eyes blazing as the finder makes a choked noise; before any words can escape her mouth the man is flying into the wall with a loud crash, making some vases on the shelves above him topple over the edge and crash to the ground. Kanda, who had moved so fast Allen is almost sure he had been like that, knuckles bloody, the whole time, is standing above the shop keeper, nostrils flaring.

"You dare-" He starts, and the man (who has a fat lip and a bloody nose- Allen knows for a fact that Kanda can punch very well) babbles something that makes the finder pause.

"He says-" Her next words seem to be dragged out of her by a higher force, the way she's shuddering, "That he will not help the Devil or his consorts."

Kanda's foot lashes out even before her sentence is over and the shop owner lets out a startled moan, his chin snapping back; Allen does feel sorry for him, all things considered.

He starts yelling at them in broken English, holding his ribs. "Out! Out, before got police! Out, out!"

Kanda seems to comply for a second- backs off, the set of his shoulders rigid, the line of his back stiff. Lenalee's hand reaches out, maybe to hold him back- and Kanda, who probably realizes she is trying to restrain him, kicks the man in the stomach.

"Out!" He screams, the sound garbled, and Kanda turns on his heel and stalks out.

The rest of their group follows, the finder muttering apologizes behind them- to whom it isn't certain, but it doesn't matter. Not with Kanda stalking quickly ahead of them, already near the mouth of the alleyway.

"Kanda!" Allen yells, and both he and Lenalee break into a run.

Lenalee gets there first of course; the hand she reaches out to grab him is shrugged off coldly. She slows, stunned, because shrugging her off is so uncharacteristic of Kanda. Kanda, who is always annoyed but polite with Lenalee; Kanda, who _likes_ and _is nice_ to Lenalee.

This sets Allen's mouth in a straight line, and when he catches up he makes a grab for Kanda's wrist.

Kanda turns around and slaps his hand away, pushing forward to shove hard at his shoulder. He barely avoids colliding with the wall by going with the push, taking a step back. "What the hell, Kanda!?"

He looks like fury himself, nostrils flaring and eyes narrowed so only a slit of black is visible. The hand that had shoved him grabs his shoulder, five boiling hot points through his shirt.

"What the hell was that?" He hisses, one hand motioning down the alley from whence they came emphatically. "Why the hell are they calling you the Devil?"

Allen grabs the hand holding him and shoves it away, his own anger and humiliation finally showing in the sharpness in his frown, the dark blush high on his cheeks.

"Because I'm cursed!" he yells; he sees Lenalee flinch out of the corner of his eye. "Because of my white hair and my grey eyes and the scar on my face." When it looks like Kanda has nothing to say, his mouth a firm slash across his face, he says, more quietly, "The people here are very religious. I won't get angry because of someone's beliefs."

The look on Kanda's face doesn't leave but his eyebrows seem to lift from the sharp 'v' they had formed above his eyes into a softer, more- more sympathetic sort of anger. As if being angry when Allen wouldn't be is something Kanda has found himself doing rather unexpectedly.

The silence is almost foreboding in its loudness; Lenalee is biting her lip off to his side and Adjoa looks as if it was her Kanda had been pushing around, her Kanda had yelled at. Allen looks down, unsure of what else to say, body still tight for a fight.

Why was Kanda even angry in the first place, really? He was the one who had first welcomed Allen into the opened arms of the Black Order by calling him cursed; it was him who wouldn't shake his hand and told him to mind his own business, who called him stupid and told him he hated him. If anything, Kanda was the one who treated him like he was cursed- as something to avoid and hate.

An uncomfortable feeling settles in his stomach, curls around his intestines and claws for his heart. He can' help but frown at the feeling, has to resist the urge to bring up a hand to rub at the area surrounding his heart.

Kanda couldn't be mad for him, he reasoned. He wouldn't be mad if someone called him the devil or cursed because he had done so before himself.

The only possible explanation, than: that Kanda was angry _at him_, for disrupting their information gathering. Angry at him for disrupting the mission, for screwing it up.

The uncomfortable feeling looms larger, made his fingers twitch and creases appear in his forehead as he thought about it. If anything, it had to be that, because Kanda was mission oriented and hated pests and didn't like it when Allen screwed up most of all.

"I can-" He swallows around the lump in his throat, tries speaking again. "I'll go to the main street and look for her."

His next words are overly formal and he knows it, feels the stiffness in them as much as he can still see the anger in the way Kanda stands. "I apologize for disrupting the mission. I think it's best we separate for now- you two can gather information and I can just look."

He lifts his eyes to see the smug reaction he expects to see from Kanda, the curved smirk and relaxed shoulders. Looks to Kanda to see if he was right, if the ugly feeling pervading his body is right in its invasion.

The oddest thing though- the absolute oddest thing is when Kanda's face faults and the carefully masked anger slips away to reveal something more vulnerable, confused, as if he's misplaced his anger and isn't sure what it should be aimed at anymore. It's as if the toxicity of scowl is diluted for a second- by confusion and restlessness, annoyance and offense. And then, finally- a grudging acceptance.

"Fine." He snaps, giving Allen one last heated stare before turning around and stomping into the busy street.

Lenalee gives him a desperate look, confused- unsure of what to say. In the end, in order to catch up to Kanda, she mutters a quick rendezvous point before scurrying off with the finder close on her heels.

Sighing, he turns his back and starts walking down the alley, eyes scanning the wall for any ladders that would allow him to get up to the roof. The foul feeling in his stomach won't go away, and he's left with the feeling of being wrong.

---------------

By the time they convene it's three in the afternoon and they all have information- amazingly, its all similar, even though it's from four different sources.

Nyabo de Nyschen usually hangs around the main street, near the end, next to a store that sells mainly European groceries, and a fabric shop. She stays in her spot from anywhere from six in the morning to four in the afternoon. Searching for her today is futile- Allen had carefully watched the streets for a girl that matched the photo he had in his pocket for the better part of an hour before having met up with Kanda and Lenalee.

Surprisingly, Allen had found information by himself- but only after saving a rather robust man from a small herd of level twos. It hadn't even been a challenge- he had dispatched them before they even had the chance to turn into their actual forms. Even though the man had eyed him with something like suspicion, he had given Allen information because he had saved his life.

The fact that the girl wasn't there means there is nothing more they can do today, and Allen secretly mourns that fact because it is his turn on the cot tonight; he is presently reminded of the fact when Kanda throws him a smirk when he gets back to the room, leaning Mugen against the wall as he strips off his shirt.

Smug bastard, Allen thinks while staring, but secretly feels that this expression is more pleasant then the one Kanda had worn earlier.

--------------------

Later that night, when Kanda is sleeping and Allen is on the edge of unconsciousness, he hears Lenalee moving about. The part of his brain preoccupied with friends whispers that this is the perfect time to ask what had Lenalee so bothered before they left on their mission, and he groans inwardly as he realizes its right.

Maybe he can catch her by surprise, he thinks. It's eleven at night and they're all supposed to be asleep, anyway.

"Lenalee?" He whispers into the sweaty dark, and is answered with a rustle of cloth and a quiet affirmation.

He waits a second; lets the words jump around on his tongue before quietly asking "Why were you bothered the other day again? You never did tell me."

He almost wants to laugh when he can feel the awkwardness of being caught avoiding the subject; when he can hear the Chinese girl's billowy sigh.

"Allen, I think we shou-"

"I'd really like to know," Allen whispers again, and does not mind the fact that he's using his manipulation techniques to charm the answer out of the girl. It was for the best for her, really. She knew she could talk about these things with Allen. "So I don't have to worry about you, you know?"

In that instance, he can feel her break down; knows that she's blushing, closing her eyes tight. Maybe trying to come up with a different answer but giving up because she knows she can't lie worth anything.

"It's-" She starts, then pauses. Takes a deep breath. "It's about Lavi."

"Oh." He says, for lack of anything better to say. Is just about to ask for more information, maybe something to confirm his sudden suspicions, when she speaks again.

"Look, Allen, can we please talk about this after the mission?" She pleads. "I promise I'll tell you all about it."

He smiles into the dark, nods even though Lenalee can't see him. Is kind of thankful that he can think about his suspicions more because that means he can help the girl out better.

"'Kay. Sweet dreams, Lenalee."

-------------

Nyabo, it turns out, is surprisingly easy to find.

In a street full of entertainers and people screaming for attention, there is a large crowd of children and adults alike surrounding her. This could be normal- Allen had a big crowd like that once in a while when he was a street performer- except for the rather large berth the mass is giving her.

And, well, the snake. The thing is three times bigger than any snake Allen has ever seen and he's been all over the continent, had to fish out anacondas from the ceilings from days spent with his master. He estimates at least eight feet, but from this distance he could be wrong. Hopes he's wrong and that the snake is actually ten times smaller up close.

Him and Kanda watch from the roof of the building across the street, surreptitiously peeking over the side as not to be seen; Lenalee blends into the crowd, the dull red tunic borrowed from Adjoa draped around her head as she stands off to the side, watching the performance. The finder herself is more towards the center and back, watching the dance with feigned interest. She's dressed in a richer colored tunic, gold bracelets decorating the dark skin of her arms.

And what a performance it is- they could have gotten a spot in any circus because the show is absolutely breathtaking. She plays the flute expertly, as well as Allen plays the piano or Kanda wields his sword; what makes it more beautiful is the way she dances, flowing from side to side while the snake twines around her. Every step she takes is a lesson in grace, in teasing- as if her foot had faltered or her steps a beat too late would have caused her to be trapped forever in the snake's cold embrace.

The music is lively and the coins thrown into the small tin in front of her only adds to the sound, and her lips curve around the flute in a smile as she sidesteps, foot almost brushing the skin of the viper's coils.

The snake itself would attract a crowd if had been simply played to rise out of a basket. The head is flat, kind of round; the eyes are black as their coats and the two brown stripes that streak out from under its eyes are wide, mixing in with the coloring that starts on it's neck. Black and brown and a dull white twine to something like triangles over the length of his body and the tail ends in a rounded point, black and spotted with white. And even though this species is supposed to be, oh, nicer than other kinds of its species, it still doesn't make it any less scary.

Maybe he's a little afraid of snakes he thinks, peeking over the edge of the building to watch the reptile rise up and curl over her shoulder, not even touching her.

He seeks out Lenalee just in time to see her lips moving silently; a second later he hears the crackle of the headset, and before he can turn around Kanda is speaking into it, face serious.

Kanda sends him a glance once he cuts off the transmission and than peeks over the edge also, fingers curled against the ledge. For one second he looks cute- cute like a kid, watching out for his sister before going into her room to steal her favorite toy, and it takes all of Allen's self control to keep his face straight.

"We're going to move once she's done this performance; the finder is going to talk to her, express some interest and try to lure her into the alley so they can discuss some possibilities. We got five minutes to get over there and hide around the corner while Lenalee stands guard."

There it is, a simple plan- effective. So he nods and crouches low, follows Kanda and tries not to think about Kanda's ass in front of his face. Usually the coat hid the view, he moans in his head. He can't really decide if it's a plus or negative this time around.

They creep down the stairs, grab their own beige colored tunics from the bags strapped around their waists and head across the street into the back alley; the performance is still going, though obviously ending soon by the soft notes she's playing, the way the snake is winding down, closer to the ground, curling around her knees. This makes Kanda pick up his pace, struggling to look calm and assured in his destination while Allen strides beside him, keeping his eyes lowered to the ground.

They reach the corner of the back alley the finder is supposed to lure the girl into, quietly stripping off their tunics and taking off their bags, settling them against the wall; its always a grim realization that things might get violent, that they have to take off excess weight just in case.

They don't have to wait long, Kanda just placing his thumb on the collar of Mugen when the crowd starts milling away from the bows of the girl and her snake; they see the edge of Adjoa's tunic disappear, to get closer to Nyabo.

Another few minutes, in which Allen's blood starts rushing faster, singing for a confrontation, before they see the finder and the girl walking towards them, the snake resting around her neck like a gaudy necklace. It's suspiciously smaller now, four feet at most, and he knows it definitely wasn't the distance playing tricks on his eyes earlier.

Adjoa is almost halfway down the alley, chattering pleasantly with Nyabo when they suddenly stop; well, Nyabo stops while she stumbles a few steps forward, unsure of why the girl isn't walking anymore. It becomes clear when Allen's eyes flick to the snake and its head is raised, staring directly at them.

This is when he remembers that snakes do not see by light but by heat, and he silently curses the fact that shadows aren't enough in this particular situation.

At once the snake slithers down and the girl backs up a few steps, playing a few tight notes on the flute that had suddenly appeared in her hand; this is when Allen sees the snake lengthen, become thicker, and he feels more than hears the sharp breath Kanda exhales as he watches reptile writhe on the ground as it's shape changes.

It's eight feet again, maybe eight and a half, and instead of barely touching Nyabo in imitation of the dance earlier it curls protectively around her, tongue flicking out quickly every few seconds. The low hiss it makes is identical to it's owner, whose making furious noises at Adjoa, feet slowly backing up.

The time to move is now, and he's right when Kanda steps forward into the dim sunlight that filters in from the rooftops. The girl's eyes flick over to them, finally, and she makes more furious sounding noises at the finder.

Lenalee is apparently aware of the moment to move because when Allen glances down the alley she is silently stepping forward, eyes trained on the snake.

"She says," The finder starts, voice calmer than it had been when dealing with the shop owner who had called Allen the devil, "That she doesn't intend to go anywhere with you."

"Tell her that we'd like to talk to her about the Black Order, that we don't intend to force her to join." Beside him, Kanda sneers, ready for force more than anything; he knows that negotiations should be made first, of course, to prevent minimal damage, and that's the only reason he remains silent behind Allen as he moves forward, hands in the air.

When Nyabo spots him she curses, voice slipping into the unfamiliar language of English as she whispers 'cursed' at him; he smiles pleasantly, tries not to look too offending or offended even as the ugly feeling rises up again, flooding the bottom of his stomach.

"We don't want to fight," He says, and Adjoa translates. Nyabo flicks her eyes between the three of them unsteadily, still unaware of Lenalee creeping up behind her. "We just want to talk first."

By the time Adjoa repeats his words, the snake has turned around, spotting Lenalee; the low hiss he lets out is enough to startle Nyabo and when she turns around she gives a stunned cry, hands raising her flute lightning fast to her lips.

A shrill note pierces the air and suddenly the snake goes rigid; a slow note, like a whistle, makes it's mouth open up impossibly wide. Inside it are two of the largest fangs Allen has ever seen and he swears if he gets out of this alive he's going to have the wickedest phobia of snakes _ever_.

Suddenly, the viper strikes out, so quick that Allen can't see; it bites at thin air, jaw snapping close, and Allen realizes with growing horror that if it had been anyone but Lenalee they would have been bitten savagely.

Said woman is ten feet above ground, innocence glowing softly as she stands in the air, poised for battle; the snake hisses again and goes for her, stretching further as Nyabo plays another strained note.

This is when Allen realizes that Nyabo has started to run down the alley, into the street- apparently going for cover in the crowds, thinking that they wouldn't dare panic the masses by bringing the attack out in the open. The only thing Allen thinks as he sighs, Kanda darting past him, is that she should know all 'holy men' aren't as holy as they seem.

The snake is too preoccupied with Lenalee, striking the air as it grows larger and larger, the Chinese girl barely avoiding the strikes as she flips and twirls through the air. This gives both him and Kanda a chance to dart past, Adjoa shouting at them to be careful as she backs down the alley, apparently not willing to take her chances as a helper of the people chasing after Nyabo.

Nyabo hasn't made it very far past the entrance, lips still attached to her flute though no sound comes out at the moment; a panicked note does escape, however, when Kanda grabs Mugen and takes it out with the slick sound of metal against air.

This is when Allen turns around and realizes that the viper is _coming right for them._

He makes a choked noise, grabs his hand and activates his innocence by pulling; two seconds later, he realizes as the fangs connect with his broadsword, and he would have also been bitten.

Pushing the sword forward, he tries to overpower the snake, manages to by pushing the flat of his sword into the wall, trapping the viper in a hold that was almost futile with the way it was wiggling about; Allen hopes to God that he his anti-venom is still safe in his pocket as he twists his arm to avoid the snap of the snake's fangs.

Lenalee tells him to watch out and then Allen realizes why as his feet disappear from under him and his world tilts, the sword loosening its hold on the viper's neck as he goes down; a loud hiss, and Allen closes his eyes and lifts his sword in front of him to try and derail the inevitable strike.

A jerk as Lenalee grabs his elbow and darts forward, so low to the ground Allen's back skids across the gravel. The snake's nose hit's the ground hard, and they're barely up and running towards the street before it recovers and chases after them, slithering over the ground with renewed vigor.

Kanda is yelling at the girl to stop being stupid, but of course his cries go unheard; not only does she not speak their language but the music she plays is loud, almost deafening. This doesn't go unnoticed by Allen, who feels dread fill his stomach when he realizes it's the same high notes that had caused the reptile to grow larger.

By the time he looks back, screams have taken over the street and the snake has grown to over twenty feet; it's as wide as he is tall, and its fangs are the size of his sword. The cold, bloodthirsty look it has in its eyes doesn't really help matters, either.

"I think we'll have to restrain the snake before she'll even listen to us." Lenalee says grimly, poised for action as the snake slithers over the dirt, never minding the pedestrians milling about frantically around it. Allen secretly envies her bravery because he does not want to fight the humongous thing.

He nods anyway, bites the inside of his cheek as he surveys the snake surveying them, tongue flicking to taste the air as she shouts at Kanda behind him. "We'll have to get behind it's head, close it's mouth or something."

Lenalee looks over at him. "Can you distract him while I go grab some rope than?"

"No problem," He says, looking straight at the snake even though his head is screaming that _it's a pretty big bloody fucking problem, thank you_.

He ignores the screaming and instead lifts his sword and charges, feet pumping against the ground as the snake whips its head to look at him, mouth already opening as it prepares to strike.

It had been tough at ten, twelve feet- at twenty feet Allen has to dig his heels into the ground to keep from being pushed back as it strikes his sword again, teeth actually wrapping around the blade. It's a power struggle which Allen ends up losing when the snake snaps its head to the side, sending Allen with it.

He ends up skidding to a stop a few feet away, gravel digging into his palm as he tries to steady himself; barely catches a glimpse of Kanda, lashing out with his sword before the snake is on him again, striking so fast that Allen really shouldn't be paying attention to anything else.

The screaming of the pedestrians around them has grown to a din and is replaced by the snake's tail destroying stalls as it whips around, smashing into the glass fronts of the stores and ripping the hangings over the windows. The flute is a constant melody in the background, high strained notes that give him a headache.

The viper strikes again, manages to get surprisingly close to the handle of his sword; so much that he can feel the heat of it's breath dragging over his knuckles. It's a feeling Allen had hoped he would never experience, he realizes, and is saved from the roll of fear by Lenalee kicking furiously through the sky, a coil of rope around her shoulder.

She's five feet away, hand already curled around one end of the rope when it's suddenly, suspiciously silent; the snake lets go of his sword and goes rigid again, tail twitching, and this is when he hears a low, choked moan.

The snake's head whips around at the same time Allen's does and he sees Kanda's tight grip on her arm, mouth open as he probably threatens her.

But that isn't really what Allen sees; he sees the snake, nostrils flaring as it's mouth creaks open ever so slowly, so slowly that he's sure Miranda is hiding in the buildings somewhere, slowing down time. He sees it's head rear back ever so slightly, body coiling beneath it. He sees the slow strike towards Kanda, who is distracted by apprehending the girl and is in no way aware that the snake has set it's eyes on him.

This is what Allen sees, and he ends up dropping his sword and darting forward, left side completely vulnerable.

"Allen!"


	6. Chapter 6

If Lavi is playing a prank on him, it isn't funny. How the hell can gluing his eyes shut be funny?

It's also not funny that he saw fit to bash Allen's head in with Ozuchi Kozuchi- that's just cruel and wrong and as soon as Allen can open his eyes he's going to give the redhead a stern lecture on what's funny and what isn't.

His left side is also burning like hellfire and he isn't sure how that could be Lavi's fault, unless he burned him with the fire seal. Even if he didn't, he's still gonna blame Lavi.

He frowns, reaches his right hand across to scratch at the itch taking over his side; before he can, his hand is slapped away and he whimpers, not really feeling up to the abuse.

This doesn't deter the abuser, however, who grabs his shoulder and shakes it lightly; he tries to shrug it off, futilely grabbing for the tendrils of sleep that had started to escape him before giving up and sighing.

As he wakes up more he hears someone calling his name; it sounds a million miles away, and even if the person had been shouting it sounds like its being strained through water. He frowns, tries concentrating on the voice until it becomes clearer and he realizes it's Lenalee.

Not Lavi then, though he thought Lenalee wouldn't ever be mean enough to glue his eyes shut and bash his head in for no reason for other than enjoyment.

He lifts his right hand, rubs at his eye furiously as he makes an affirmative sound to quell her worried voice. His arm feels heavy for some reason, as if his blood is actually syrup. This makes it hard to lift his head up and after the second attempt he gives up, cracking open his eyes.

The one thing he can be thankful for is that its dim and cool where they are, so it doesn't sting too bad when he opens his eyes all the way. Above him, Lenalee looks worried and distraught, hands clenched in her skirt, and this is when he realizes he's shirtless. And that he had been bitten by a twenty foot viper.

He closes his eyes for a long moment before opening them again, and struggles valiantly against heavy limbs and his burning side to sit up. He only manages to prop himself up on his elbow before yawning and settling for it. This is when he realizes his wrist is broken, in a cheap splint that is only managing to keep him from bending it horrifically.

When he looks around the room, avoiding Lenalee's worried face strategically, he sees his sword beside him and realizes he's still invocated. He also sees Adjoa standing near the door and Nyabo over by the far wall, hunched in on herself. The snake is curled up beside her, unmoving- maybe sleeping. It's not like Allen is going to kick it to find out or anything, so his eyes slide around the room once again and he doesn't see Kanda anywhere.

"Where's Kanda?" He blurts out, then colors in embarrassment because that is not really the first thing he should ask.

Lenalee actually giggles a little at that, even though her face is still strained, so he regrets his kind of obsessive question a little less.

"He's talking to the doctor about some stuff," She says, hand going to push him back down. He complies because she's a strong woman and he's not stupid enough to fight against her when she was obviously ready to kick his ass thirty seconds ago.

Apparently she's still ready to kick his ass, because as soon as he's laying down her face turns stony and the gentle hand on his shoulder pushes hard all of a sudden, crushing his shoulder into the floor.

"Now that you're awake, Allen Walker, can you tell me why in the hell you jumped in front of a _deadly poisonous viper_ when Kanda could have so obviously dodged it?"

"Um," He says, mouth open a bit as he stares at her with a cross of a sheepish expression and a horrified, scared look.

Her face doesn't soften at all at his expression; instead, it changes from fury to worry, which is much worse in Allen's opinion.

"Do you realize," Here her voice shakes, and if her hand wasn't merging his shoulder with the ground he would have reached out to her and held her hand. As it is, he feels horrible and stupid and inadequate and a failure as a friend whenever Lenalee brings out that expression, which is probably the intended affect anyway. "That we had to give you all three of the anti-venom shots because the viper was so big at the time? Do you realize that you could have died if the doctor had gotten here twenty minutes later?"

And then, the cincher: "Do you realize how worried we were about you?!"

Her free hand goes to wipe at her eyes, face turned away as not to let Allen see the tears, and Allen wonders how Cross can live with making all those women cry after he leaves them because he feels like the absolute scum of the earth at the moment.

"Lenalee…" He says softly, looking up at her pitifully. She sends him a sharp glance, eyes still shining.

"Don't you dare say anything, Allen." She whispers furiously, fingers clenching impossibly harder on his shoulder. "You're still selfish and stupid and apparently you still don't trust us to stand by your side and fight."

She sniffs quietly, glaring at him. _Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned_, Cross always said, which is so undeniably true he doesn't even object to the fact that it came out of his master's mouth.

"When will you get that we're your friends and we'll always help you, Allen? That we can take care of ourselves and that you don't have to come riding to our rescue?" She finishes, finally letting go of his shoulder. Her hand clenches in her lap again and Allen takes the opportunity to slide his hand over hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

She doesn't move to acknowledge it, instead glaring down at what Allen realizes is his bloody bandages.

He surveys them too, sees the dark red spread over two spots in particular- one over the center of his chest and the other just below his navel. He doesn't even want to think about his back but is forced to acknowledge it when he tries to prop himself up again, feels the skin stretch over his shoulder blades unpleasantly.

It takes a few minutes for him to sort out the words in his head, in which he doesn't let go of Lenalee's hand. When he does, his voice is quiet and mournful, truthful.

"I do trust you," He starts, "And I know you're my friends, and that I can be selfish."

He pauses, rolls the next words around his mouth like sweet candy. "It's just that I want to protect what's- what's mine, really."

Looking down, he feels Lenalee's eyes on him- softened but still hard, still angry. When he looks up the tears have drained from her eyes and she's moved one hand to rest above his, which is a good as sign as any.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I just- am stupid sometimes."

This earns him a small smile from Lenalee. "Kanda will be happy to hear you finally admit it than."

Allen cracks open a smile, sees it warm up Lenalee a bit. "Which is why I will never admit it in front of him."

Lenalee lightly slaps his shoulder before getting up, brushing off her skirt. Her face is still strained, eyes still dark with anger, but at least her smile is more genuine.

"I think he won't care either way," Lenalee says, and then her smile turns a bit sharper- Allen doesn't like that smile, not at all. "Because he's angrier at you than I am, and you know I went easy on you just now. He won't."

Allen resists the urge to say _'you went EASY on me?'_ in favor of letting a thick bunch of emotions clog his throat. Not good emotions, either- strained fear and apprehension and nervousness and it all triples when the door creaks open and Kanda steps inside, shadows touching the corners of his face just so Allen can't see his expression.

Lenalee sends him a tight, malicious smile at the expression on his face and walks towards the door, touches Kanda's arm as she moves out it. The Japanese exorcist nods at her and moves forward, possibly towards where Allen is laying.

He panics, pushes himself up further to maybe make excuses because if anything Kanda is not a damsel in distress and Allen is not his knight in shining armor. Kanda will probably kick his head in for even 'saving' him so actively.

But then Kanda just passes him, doesn't even look at him and strides to the window as if he was the only one in the room. He doesn't even give Nyabo a second glance, who flinches when he walks passed her.

Allen remains silent, feeling just as he did with Lenalee- horrible and stupid and inadequate and a failure, and Kanda didn't even say anything.

It's just his expression- disappointment and anger, as if he was the one who had made a stupid decision.

The worst thing is that Allen can't find anything to say and by the time the doctor comes in with Lenalee he has closed his eyes, feigning sleep.

-------------------------

This is what happens after Allen had gotten bitten:

After being flung into the side of a building (where he had fell on his wrist funny, which explains the fracture), Kanda had turned around and seen the snake- before either he or Lenalee could take action the girl had made one low, almost imperceptible note and it had fallen, a great big coil of a thing crashing to the earth.

This is when Lenalee had gone to Allen, shooting him with both her and Allen's shots while Kanda had grabbed the flute from the girl's hands, who had gone almost catatonic staring at her pet.

After finding Adjoa and getting to a safe place with a quick doctor, the girl had then told him that her viper- who she called Themba- had never struck out without being 'told' to before. Had never actually injected venom in anyone because the situation never called for it. Well, except for the monsters that kept attacking them which opened a whole new can of questions.

Nyabo and Themba had also been the reason there was a suspiciously small number of AKUMA in the area, which their team had found odd but ignored, coming to the conclusion that they were just waiting for the exorcists to seed the innocence out. The fact that Nyabo, a girl with an untrained innocence, had taken out numerous AKUMA without even knowing what they were speaks volumes about her and her skills.

At any rate, the girl, frightened by not having complete control of the viper, had agreed to come to headquarters to discuss becoming an exorcist.

Which had brought them to where they were now, sitting in a large carriage with Timcampy circling around the snake, who was ignoring it completely. Nyabo was silent, now that Adjoa had left as their translator.

The worst thing- worst than the scared girl beside him, still hunched in on herself, worst than Lenalee's still wet-eyed glares, worst than the pain in his side, was Kanda.

Kanda, who wouldn't even look at him and had such a look of finality and righteous fury on his face that Allen couldn't even open his mouth open around the boy without feeling like he was going to choke.

Throughout the ride, Allen wished that he could have at least said sorry to the man.

--------------

They briefly explain their mission report- well, Allen and Lenalee do. Kanda sits there and fumes.

After he says that the viper had bit him because he had been distracted, Komui gives him a dubious and suspicious look. It passes once Allen apologizes profusely for it and tells him that Nyabo is waiting in the observation room, viper fast asleep around her neck

"Thank you for your hard work." Komui says in parting, waving them out the door. "I'll notify you in a few days about your next mission, Kanda."

Kanda nods silently, brings his eyes to look directly at Komui. Allen thinks that they might be talking about whatever he and Komui talk about and turns to leave, feeling his stomach turn.

He doesn't get far out the door when Kanda grabs his hand and jerks it, and the slam of the door is all the warning he gets before he is being pulled to where Kanda wants him to go. Which is actually not a bad place to be, he thinks.

"Kanda-"

"Shut the fuck up." Kanda snarls, and he glances over his shoulder- Allen stares at the furious look and goes to talk again- maybe to say something that needs to be said, for once not thrown away- but Kanda's lips thin out more and his jaw clenches. "Shut up or I'll kill you."

Allen snaps his mouth closed, looks back at Lenalee and smiles at her bewildered expression before he let's himself be dragged along. Trying not to mind the warm grip Kanda has on his wrist, the unbroken one. He thinks that Kanda has always been warm, even if he was a cold person. He couldn't think of a place that could hold Kanda without him being pissed off about the weather.

It's five minutes and what he realizes is half the way to their destination when he realizes they are going to the west tower. "Kanda-"

"I told you to be quiet." He hisses, and his mouth falls shut again.

When they reach the tower, Kanda whips open the door and it makes a loud bang against the stone walls. He almost flinches but doesn't, but instead clenches his left hand- the one in Kanda's grip- and realizes it's numb.

"Kanda-"

Kanda finally snarls and turns around, and it's a second to late when Allen realizes that the other boy is mad enough to actually try and hurt him, even if he's injured, and he's slammed against the wall, hard enough that he actually cries out when his head impacts the stone.

"What the fuck was that?" Kanda says, eyes drilling straight into his. Allen stares back, even if his head is screaming at him, and opens his mouth to retort.

"_No_." Kanda cuts him off, and grabs his right wrist none too gently; wincing, Allen still stares straight again, brows furrowed, trying to figure out what Kanda is talking about. "_What the fuck _was that screw up on the goddamn mission?"

Allen feels his throat tighten, and tries not to swallow. "I-"

"Don't make up some bullshit excuse, either." Kanda interrupts before he can, eyes narrowed.

He frowns at that, mouth opening than closing, because he doesn't know what to say.

Finally: "I thought you were going to _die_."

"I don't die." Kanda says, finality in his tone. As if he knows that he won't ever die. He's so confident, Allen thinks.

This, he realize, pisses him off- more than the mistreatment of women, his master's debts, and the destruction of his home. It burns him up, and he clenches his fists, even if he they're being held captive by Kanda.

"You're _human_, Kanda." He says, angrily. "You can die."

"I won't." Kanda says simply, eyes burning. Allen scowls in his face and Kanda scowls back, unconsciously pressing his fingers into the fracture. He doesn't flinch this time.

"And you won't _ever _do that again." Said with finality, and Allen- doesn't really know what to say to that because Kanda is a stubborn idiot and he really wants to punch him for being so stupid.

"But I will." He spits, before either of them can move. "And I'll do it again and again and whenever the hell I want!"

Kanda stalls for a second- presses his palm, again, into the curve of his broken wrist- but doesn't stop staring at him. He doesn't see anything particular in his face, he guesses, besides anger. When he speaks, his tone is deadly- as if he's talking to someone he's going to kill. "You will not, or I'll kill you."

"I will even if you kill me." Allen snaps, and presses forward. Then, his tone a little more pleading, asks. "Why won't you believe me, Kanda? Jesus!"

Kanda stares at him with something akin to resentment and confusion and- Allen can't decide what it is. But Kanda looks so angry when he replies that he expects to be hit any second. "This thing you have won't be worth anything on the battlefield. I stand alone and I always will."

The other exorcist actually slides his eyes to the side and scowls, then looks back at him again. "Don't be a fucking idiot."

He can't think of what to say to that- that, which is just basically Kanda rejecting him even if he knows and even if Allen has tried so hard to show Kanda that he would do anything for him. Anything.

"How can I show you that I actually l-" Allen stumbles on his words, thinks briefly on the word 'trust'. Of all these feelings inside of him that disgust him sometimes. Of not scaring Kanda with all of this. "That I would- That I _need _you."

"For fuck's sake, Walker, don't be a fucking idiot." Kanda spits out in disgust, picking the worst possible interpretation of his words. He colors, because it's stupid and shameful and it means so much more with Kanda. even if he does need Kanda.

"No! Jesus! Not- not like that-" He splutters, blinking for a long second to try and get rid of his embarrassment. "I- I'd do anything you asked me too, except leave you alone."

It occurs to him that this is the first time he has actually talked face-to-face to Kanda about this- about what he's dubbed his _thing _but is so much more than that because, sometimes, he can't even name the emotions. They just- they're terrible and welling up within him and he wishes he could show Kanda. Maybe.

Then it hits him, the stupidest and most wonderful idea, that all his feelings can be summed up into three stupid little words, even if they would scare Kanda, even if they were embarrassing, and- just-

"I love y-"

Kanda's hand moves lightning quick to cover his mouth, letting go of his right arm- Allen's head actually hits the wall again and the sound he makes his muffled against Kanda's hand, which tastes like sweat and earth.

"Don't you dare fucking say it." He hisses, pressing into him. Allen's eyes widen at the furious look on his face, and more so at the blush that starts to stain the Japanese boy's cheekbones- Allen takes in a deep breath.

His own hand grabs Kanda's arm, the one holding his mouth, and stubbornly, against the other's surprise, starts saying "I love yo-"

Then the feeling of shock skating down his sides as Kanda's mouth flies over his own and it's- kind of painful, truthfully, because his lip was knocked against his teeth at the force and it's stinging a little- he suspects there might be blood but-

He makes a sound of someone whose just been saved- a low, keeling moan that comes from the depths of him, of gratitude and starvation- and presses his mouth back, closing his eyes.

Kanda is almost pliant in his kissing, the way he presses his bottom lip into his first, then his top; how his mouth is barely open, tongue reaching out and swiping so lightly against his own that it makes him jump, shudder. Every little movement jumps down his spine and settles warm in his belly, even when Kanda grabs his right hand again and presses into the broken bone.

Another sound escapes his throat as Kanda presses the length of his body into his own, and he's already hard, which he is sure Kanda can feel, pressed against his hip. A leg slips between his and he jerks into it, opening his mouth in a gasp, Kanda licking into it, hands still holding him against the wall. The other boy seems barely affected- his body is still rigid and his grip is still tight and his eyes are still that deep, smoldering black. But when he opens his eyes after Kanda rocks back into him, rubbing Allen's dick hard against his leg, he sees it's different- the deep, smoldering eyes Kanda usually have have hatred and anger and power and _life_, but now his eyes are- deeper, still. He can see desire and disgust and morals being trampled on, and even desperation.

A deep sigh escapes his lips, trailing off into a quick intake of breath when Kanda grinds his hand down the wall, still unwilling to let go and still unwilling to weaken his grip. Kanda presses even harder into him, stealing his breath, breathing hard through his nose as he kisses Allen while Allen so desperately kisses him back.

When Kanda pulls away, it is a surprise to him- it felt so long ago that they were fighting, when Allen was a mix of emotions and Kanda was angry about him almost dying for him. His mouth follows Kanda's, licks at the seam of his lips.

He opened his eyes and Kanda is staring at him, eyes still so dark that Allen couldn't swim out of them for a second- he was stuck, staring, eyes half-lidded and breath coming out in short, hot puffs.

Then Kanda rolls his head forward and rests it against his shoulder, nosing his neck and licking the area under his ear when he goes out to wet his lips.

"Why," Kanda breathes against his skin, and he shivers against the ghost of air. Allen doesn't know what the question is, but there are so many topics it could cover- why are we here, why are we fighting, why are we both cursed, why is this happening, why do you love me.

Allen breathes deeply and rests his head forward, in the crook where neck and shoulder meet; he has seen Kanda's hair do this, curve into this exact place- when Kanda was battling, fighting, eating, and, against the corners of the train compartment, sleeping.

"Because." Allen says simply, answering all the questions that could be. Because we're here, because we are God's messengers, because we were born to fight, because we are human, because I love you and you might like me, and I love you because. Regardless.

Kanda makes a sound deep in his throat, maybe disbelief, sounding like 'why do I ask, he's an idiot bean sprout'. At the exact same moment Allen moves his leg to a more relaxing position, Kanda shifts forward and gasps against his throat while he freezes, thigh pressed against something hard and hot.

"Kanda-"

"Shut up-" Kanda growls, and his fingers flex against his wrists. "I know. Just-"

Kanda rocks forward, rubbing himself on Allen's leg; Allen ends up jerking his hips into the taller boy's, mouth open against Kanda's throat.

"Why did you do this to me." He states, rubbing himself against Allen again and causing Allen to rock forward in tandem, mouth still open on Kanda's neck and leaving a hot imprint of spit. Kanda's voice is strained, especially his next words because Allen jerks his leg at the exact same moment. "I didn't want this."

"Kanda-" He says again, simply, in a voice that already sounds fucked out. "I'll-"

He thinks what he could do for Kanda, who he could be- all the Kanda wanted maybe. He thinks what he should so. He thinks about what he should offer and give to Kanda with all his soul-

Kanda rocks against him again, cock still hard where it rests against his thigh, and he rolls forward and it comes to him- the nights, alone in his room with fingers pumping into him fast and a wet hand gripped around his cock, wishing it was someone else, someone that tastes of sweat and ozone.

"I-" He starts again, and then licks his lips because they have become suddenly dry; halfway through he changes his mind and moves his tongue in a long swipe up Kanda's neck. "I can-"

"What?" Kanda says roughly, impatient, probably trying to calm down- he licks his neck again and the Japanese exorcist shudders, rubbing minutely against him. "What can you do, you idiotic bean sprout?"

"I-" Allen pauses again, because it's- such an embarrassing thing to say and- really, Kanda probably wouldn't want it _anyway_-

"I can s-suck you," He says fast, only stuttering a bit- something he is quite proud of this because he felt like kissing Kanda had tied his tongue into knots. "I c-can go _down _on you."

Kanda heads shoots up and his eyes zero in on him, intense, a frown twisting his mouth; his lips are kind of puffy from all the kissing and he can't help it when his eyes draw down to them, even if half the reason he's looking at Kanda's lips is because he can't look into Kanda's eyes.

"I-" He can't help his pausing because he feels so awkward- so embarrassed, because this is Kanda and he's- he's loved (or liked. Or… Or obsessed over) Kanda for a long time- and the opportunity to do this to Kanda, to show him how much he _cared_-

"I don't care if you want to forget about this in the morning-" Allen starts, eyes sliding back up to look into Kanda's, who are staying intently on his face. "I don't care because- I want too, because it's you."

Allen licks his lips and stares hard into Kanda's eyes, which had followed the movement of his tongue with the careful precision he was known for. "Let me do it, Kanda." He said, eyes heavy. "Please?"

Kanda's stare doesn't move from his face and he licks his lips again, catching the brief flicker of Kanda's eyes watching the movement. Allen moves forward and kisses Kanda lightly, who only returns it after a second.

"Please?" Allen whispers against his lips, breathing his air. "I want too."

Kanda makes a noise in the back of his throat and his hands grind Allen's against the walls again; his mouth shoots forward and smacks against Allen's, who opens it to accept him

By the way Kanda is loosening his grip and lowering his hands, Allen guesses he is warming up to the idea; his knee, previously wedged between Allen's legs, moves and Allen sinks to the floor, mouth going to cover the bulge of Kanda's dick even if his left hand is still held above his head while the other is hanging uselessly at his side, burning.

Kanda makes another sound; a delicious choked moan that is so Kanda and his hand fumbles with his zipper, and Allen helps by pulling Kanda's pants down desperately as soon as he pops open the button.

Allen's is surprised that Kanda isn't wearing any underwear, and he glances up for a split second to see Kanda's face, a flushed color, mouth open. Allen suddenly thinks that he should have known- with the tight pants Kanda's always wearing, there was no underwear line.

Kanda's cock, along with his skin, is flushed, veins running up the underside and a bristle of black, coarse hair resting at the base of it. As far as dicks go Kanda's is fairly normal- from what Allen guesses. All he can think is the glimpse he caught in the bathroom was nothing compared to this.

Slowly inching forward, Allen licks the head, where precum is already oozing out; Kanda jerks forward, breath heavy, and his free hand goes to wrap against Kanda's hip, even if it hurts to bend. The left hand is still in Kanda's grasp, making a fist.

Allen sneaks up to glance at Kanda again and his eyes are squeezed shut, his own free hand braced against the wall. He can't help but notice that Kanda is shaking, slightly, hips moving forward a bit unconsciously. Allen looks back down and focuses on the task in front of him, slightly embarrassed and so, so happy that he's the one making Kanda loose control.

He mouths the tip first, just placing his lips where the head curves into a round end; his tongue darts out to lick it and he tastes a kinda salty-sweet precum; he licks at again, getting more of the taste and Kanda presses forward weakly.

Allen tries to remember what was said in the heavy dark rooms that Cross frequented back when he was training; the smoky advice by small, quiet, demur women who knew that there wasn't too much love in the world.

He takes his mouth off Kanda's cock- Kanda makes another, more disappointed sound- and remembers something about the veins running up the underside. Trying to remember exactly where he had seen the veins when he had been admiring Kanda's cock, he licks the underside widely, running it up agonizingly slow.

Another noise from Kanda above him- a strangled, pitiful moan that Allen swears start from where his own mouth is. He licks slowly to try and find the veins. When he does he places his lips over them and sucks, pressing hard into the length.

Kanda swears this time, and his hips hit hard forward; Allen's head actually bumps against the wall but he tongues the edge of the veins again, licks it in quick precise strokes.

Kanda keeps on jerking his hips, teeth biting into his lips as he struggles to keep his ragged breathing down, moans to a minimum; Allen would have never guessed that Kanda would be the vocal type, the type that would even be able to make such loud noises. He runs his teeth along the vein, very slightly, and is satisfied to hear the choked groan.

Allen's shoulder is starting to hurt from being held up at such an awkward angle, but he doesn't care; his mouth feels like it was made to be around the other boy's cock, and it's such a dirty thought that it has his hips piston forward slightly, trying to rub against thin air.

He looks up once more, and this time his eyes connect with Kanda's. The other boy just _looks _at him, surveying him, and he makes a sound like he's not sure if he should continue because- it's kind of embarrassing, really, but fuck if it isn't hot-

"Allen." Kanda says simply, his mouth shaping over the unfamiliar words, tongue probably curling over the 'all' and pressing against the 'en'. Kanda's face, if anything, is pinched when he says his name. Maybe in disbelief and 'don't you dare'.

Allen stares back at the other boy, and slowly places his mouth over the tip and sucks lightly; he remembers a woman doing this to Master, hidden behind a flimsy wall with a hole in it. Of Cross throwing back his head and moaning; of how the sound had run straight to his dick and he didn't know what to do because he was thirteen and it felt so _weird_.

Kanda hangs his head and closes his eyes, the sound caught in his throat as he had pressed his lips shut, tight; they look white from where he is, and he opens his mouth a little wider and slips it over the head, finally, and starts sucking down the length.

It feels… different; Kanda's cock is hot and heavy on his tongue and it slips against the insides of his cheeks, and he can feel every little thing. He didn't know that it would be like this. It- well, the women always seemed to enjoy it, but to him it just feels _weird _and- he _does _like it, but- it's just so _strange_-

He swallows, accidentally, and suddenly Kanda moans, loud and hard, and jerks forward; Allen chokes as the head of his cock hits the back of his throat and he pulls back, coughing.

Kanda strangles out a "Fuck" and glares at him, his whole forearm braced against the wall now.

"What?" Allen says, voice a little rough after he's over his coughing fit. He glares back up at Kanda and wonders how the hell Kanda can still glare at him and act like everything is his fault when he just had his dick shoved down his throat.

"Don't _do _that." Kanda says, and his face flushes into a deep, red color; his mouth is still pursed. Allen finds the face kind of cute, given the highly inappropriate situation.

"What?" He says, slightly offended; he thought that getting your dick sucked didn't warrant stinginess. He didn't think he had been doing _that _bad, from the noises Kanda had been trying to hold back.

Kanda glares even harder at his daring question and, between clenched teeth, hisses "_That. _That… _Swallowing_ thing."

Allen kind of stares at him because he isn't sure what the hell Kanda is talking about- the swallowing thing? Where he had just… swallowed? Ordinarily? Nothing special?

"Um." Allen says innocently, considering what he's doing. That seems to set Kanda off because he moves to pull away, and is only stopped by Allen's hand on his waist and the deep, suffering noise that he makes with his throat.

"No. Wait." He says, quite meekly. "Ah- I- Won't. I'll- try not to, anyway."

Kanda looks at him suspiciously and to avoid the staring Allen moves his mouth forward again and sucks hard on his cock, all that he's able to put into his mouth. When he looks up Kanda's eyes are closed again and his face is pinched, as if trying to hide his arousal.

When he feels like swallowing, he moves back and just licks the tip of Kanda's cock; and almost immediately he moves back down, taking all he can. All of Kanda, until his nose is buried in the thick bristle of hair at the base and he breathes it in, smelling sweat and sex and the delicious, unmistakable scent of Kanda.

And it's just- that, for something like ten or fifteen minutes, hidden from the world beneath Kanda's coat, with wet, sucking noises and heavy breathes. Surprisingly, because from what he had heard from all the girls Cross had had, the man usually didn't come so fast- when he did, it was after a good half an hour. Well. From what he could understand.

But then again, Cross was a sex fiend and Kanda was decidedly- not. And those girls knew what they were doing, anyway.

So, there is no warning, really. Just the clench of Kanda's thighs and a low, deep moan that manages to escape the Japanese man's tightly clenched lips. Then hot liquid hits the back of his throat and he ends up swallowing around Kanda's cock and the other man just shudders hard and weakly thrusts his hips forward, making him cough, and the taste is really unpleasant- how the brothel girls could do this all the time he had no clue-

His free hand comes to press into his own hard dick, and he presses hard; almost comes when he looks up and sees Kanda with half-lidded, serious eyes, watching him as if it were any other day- as if Allen didn't just suck his cock.

Kanda finally lets go of his hand- finally- and it drops to his side uselessly and he takes his mouth off Kanda's softening length with a wet 'pop' and leans back, finally aware of how terribly uncomfortable he is. How his knees are pressed into the cold, hard ground, how his feet are bent awkwardly, how his whole left arm and shoulder is twanging with the cold prickly pain that comes from having blood drained for too long.

He suddenly feels ashamed that he is still hard- how he had remained so when he had just been sucking Kanda off and how he still is, with Kanda's serious eyes staring into him and just standing there, still leaning against the wall and head still hanging.

Allen shifts, trying to hide his erection as best he could, and looks down sheepishly, embarrassment and shame making his face resemble an apple or a tomato or a fruit of some kind.

"Kanda-" He starts, closing his eyes for a long second.

The other exorcist shifts on his feet and Allen hears him pushing off the wall; hears the sound of a zipper being pulled up and feet stepping back.

"Kanda-" He says, more panicked, and looks up to the sight of Kanda looking away, an undecided scowl on his face and body turning.

Kanda doesn't even look at him when he starts walking away; doesn't even say a word or hesitate or stop or _anything_. He just- walks. Down the hall and around the corner and down the stairs and around corners and down halls and into his room, probably, to hate himself for ever letting such a stupid _bean sprout _even _near_ him-

Allen feels empty when the tails of Kanda's coat disappears around the corner and he- doesn't feel anything because there is no emotion to describe what he thinks he feels. What he thinks he should feel about Kanda not even looking at him when- and after-

He doesn't know what to think, or what to feel.

Which is why it's so surprising when he licks his lips and tastes what must be either tears or cum or something equally embarrassing. And when a soft moan escapes his throat he closes his eyes and slumps against the wall, legs splayed out in front of him, letting the emptiness well up and over.

God, he thinks. God.

But he doesn't dare pray right now- instead, he just lets the tears screw up his face and his breathing go crazy and just- lets himself go. Because he doesn't know what he should feel and, thus, doesn't know what to do.

Even his head is empty- he honestly can't think past sitting here. He doesn't even want to figure out anything- doesn't want to be anyone but the crying boy in the tower.

By the time he's done being empty there is only exhaustion. He wipes his face with the sleeves of his coat and they come away dark and wet. His dick has gone soft long ago and his body, instead of being numb from being in such an uncomfortable position, is stiff from sitting on the stone floor.

Finally, the thought to go clean up enters his head, so he pushes his sore legs against the ground and slides up the wall, ignoring the feeling of deju vu- of being pressed against the wall only- only what seems like hours ago.

The sound of his footsteps echoing against the cold floor is the only sound ringing against the walls and for the first time since he started crying he feels lonely.


	7. Chapter 7

Kanda avoids him, and Allen does nothing to seek his counsel- they sit at separate tables and Allen lowers his head when he passes the other boy in the hall and it's even so bad that, while Allen tries to pretend that nothing is wrong, Kanda immediately gets out of the baths when he goes to wash himself.

Lavi and Lenalee are worried sick, of course- he didn't tell them anything, but they notice the distance, the way that even their fighting has come to a stop. The whole Order notices, actually. When he had been passing the laundry room, he had heard the girls sigh wistfully that they miss the entertainment.

It's only a week- when Allen had been expecting to avoid Kanda for much, much longer- when Lenalee grabs his arm at dinner one day and forcefully drags him to the table where Kanda sits with his half-finished soba.

As soon as they come near it Kanda's back stiffens and he starts moving to get up and walk away. He has one leg swung over the bench before Lenalee grabs his arm and smiles so sweetly at him that it kind of scares Allen.

"Where are you going, Kanda?" She says pleasantly, eyes shining. Her hand reaches out and rests lightly on Kanda's arm; Allen gets the vision of her tightening her grip than bam! Kanda on the ground, dazed, with a triumphant Lenalee standing above him and positively glowering.

He feels a vague sense of terror at the idea and sits down as soon as Lenalee does, mouth clamped shut and eyes trained on the turkey Jerry had kindly made for him. He ignores Lenalee's coaxing of Kanda- "C'mon, Kanda-kun! We just got here and you don't want to be _rude_, do you? And you haven't even finished your soba yet!"- and decides to dig in. Food can't eat itself, after all.

He's halfway through his trolley, making little contribution to the conversation (or lack thereof, because it seemed like Kanda was intent on being a brick wall. And. Well. He was eating), before Lenalee sighs loudly, looking at the clock hanging high on the wall.

"Look at the time." She says, voice as demure as it gets. Even if she is not. "I have to go give brother some documents I left in the library."

The smile she shoots at Allen, when he looks up in alarm, is both horrible and deceivingly cute. He doesn't see the look she shoots Kanda because he had ducked his head and preceded to stuff his mouth with food. Just so he could. Y'know. _Not talk to Kanda_.

All in the interest of the other man, of course.

"Bye Allen! Kanda-kun!" She says in farewell, and then skips off. Presumably to do her work, though by the fact Lavi had just disappeared around the corner she had been lying.

Kanda moves to get up as soon as he sees her disappear, and Allen was expecting that. He can't help the small feeling of guilt and hurt that worms at his heart, though. He just stuffs another crumpet into his mouth to get rid of the feeling. He thinks that whoever had said that food helps ease pain was right.

He is surprised, though, when he looks up and sees Kanda hasn't moved passed getting up from the bench. Instead, he's standing there, mouth twisted and brows drawn over his eyes. All in all, and if Allen had to tell the truth, he would say the Japanese man looks kind of constipated.

"Whunt?" Allen says through a mouthful, and Kanda's face twists more, as if tasting something unpleasant.

"Hurry up and eat." He says, voice dripping with disgust. Then, adding on. "God, that's _appalling_."

Allen stares at him, as if deciding what to do. Last time he had went somewhere alone with the man, it had ended up- well, it had ended up with them avoiding each other because of the awkwardness and Allen did not want to make it more awkward because that would be terrible. _Horrible_. He didn't want Kanda hating him more than he did when he first met him.

But- if Kanda wanted to talk- maybe…?

Shoving one last pork roll into his mouth, he moves to get off the bench and, for the first time since he had started living at the Order, leaves the plates on the table and smiles a strained smile at Kanda.

"Let's go than." He says.

The other man just casts a cursory glance over the table and, scowling, turns on his heel and starts walking. He doesn't even glance at the other exorcist.

Allen, of course, follows, because he doesn't know what to do and he's hoping that Kanda is out to- forgive him? If that could be the word. And it's not like he should be the one being forgiven- Kanda had walked out on him, after all, and he hadn't done anything wrong. Unless you went by the Bible, but-

This is what Allen debates throughout the whole time they walk in silence to a destination that only Kanda knows. Had he done anything wrong? He had offered to- do it in the first place. But it wasn't like Kanda was saying _no_. Because, really. If the noises and the death glare when he had paused had been a kind of 'don't-you-dare-stop' sign and he hadn't even heard the word _no._

When they finally get to their destination Allen realizes a little too late it was the place that he and Lavi had made out in. Which made for some very awkward and mixed feelings for him, because- because- well, it was hard to explain, but it was like taking Kanda to the bed he had had sex with a random guy on.

Then Kanda sits down on that exact couch and- well, it's very awkward. For Allen, at least.

Instead of sitting down on the couch, he chooses instead to sit on the coffee table in front of it- it's close enough that their knees knock together and Kanda gives him a look that does more than suggest that he is very, very weird. And stupid. And a lot of other words Kanda likes to use for him. Allen finds that he kind of agrees at the moment. With the weird part, at least.

The even weirder part is that Kanda won't look him in the face- his eyes keep sliding off to the side, to stare at his shoulder or out the door or at his hair, which might still be sticking up from the bath he had earlier. Kanda is usually- less awkward, less undecided. It makes his chest heat up uncomfortably, makes him want to grab Kanda's face and make him really _look_ at Allen. No half-hearted glares, no indignation, no waving him off- just. He wants Kanda to look at him.

But he doesn't grab his face. Doesn't do anything and instead plays the same game Kanda is playing- slides his eyes around the general area of Kanda's stare but never once straight at him. The couple times their roaming eyes connect they slide quickly away, as if they were strangers on a train instead of strangers in a room, knees knocking and throats working.

Finally, Kanda speaks.

"You said it wouldn't matter afterwards." He frowns, stare finally finding Allen's, as if it had been a long and tiring journey to look him in the eyes.

He's taken aback for a second because- because. He thought it- it wasn't the way he had come onto Kanda or the way Kanda walked away or how Kanda actually hated himself for even allowing Allen anywhere near him.

All this time, he thought, before his mind whiplashes at him and his mouth spits words.

"You're the one who was avoiding me and making it all- awkward!" His voice holds a note of disbelief; the inflections speak part anger, part wonder. He thinks Kanda must be the daftest person in the world because he was the one who made the whole thing- _weird_ and _uncomfortable_ and almost regretful. Almost, because he ashamedly remembers that Kanda's face, body, eyes, all in those moments, were what had provided him with his wank material for the last week. And probably for the many weeks to come.

Kanda decides to quit playing the awkward let's-stare-at-anywhere-but-your-face game and, instead, looks openly at him. His expression is one part hostility (as it always is), and two parts disgruntled. The last part is something Allen has yet to identify but has seen on Kanda's face sometimes- in the middle of battle, hair flying, body tense, demons screaming. The only thing that Allen can say about the expression is that he likes it.

"You're an idiot." Kanda hisses out, which is completely normal and usually easy to deal with, but in this situation it felt like Kanda had dragged his heart around him for awhile before stepping back and giving it a good, healthy kick.

So Allen looks at him, aghast- has the childish urge to hit his knee against Kanda's, and so does. The look the other man gives him almost wants to make him laugh.

"Excuse me, but how was I supposed to react when the next time you saw me you left the table with half your soba left? 'Oh, all's fine and well, this isn't going to be embarrassing at all?'"

Kanda gives him a scandalized look and colors- prettily, Allen thinks- and gives him a look that says that Yu Kanda would never run from anyone. Especially a Bean Sprout. It's almost terrible how he can read most of the expressions Kanda aims at him now.

"I did not run," Kanda says between clenched teeth. His fingers flex against the couch and Allen has the highly inappropriate thought of Kanda's fingers squeezed around his dick, jerking himself off. It makes him color, too, and he hopes Kanda thinks it's because of the argument they're having. "I just wasn't hungry that day!"

This makes Allen open his mouth like he's about to swallow a ham- and he's tried before, when he was so desperately hungry and Cross had brought it to him after realizing that yes, he was starving- and kind of just stares at Kanda. Offended. As if Allen was _that_ stupid.

"Oh, please, BaKanda, even I'm not that stupid!" He says, makes sure Kanda can hear the anger in his words. "You were- you- Jesus!"

Kanda looks at him with all the grace of a bull. "I was what, bean sprout?" he says, voice heavily sarcastic.

Allen's mouth feels like all the words are stuffed in there, like he's bursting with them. He could say so many things. So many stupid or rude or mean or even _logical_ things, and this is how it always is with Kanda. Like he has too many words and no way to put them in order.

And, of course, this is what happens: the words fall out of his mouth before he can reel them back in and say something _carefully._

"I bet you're just embarrassed because it was me who sucked you off!"

Then he realizes what he said- quite loudly, and- it was so crass and Allen can't help but color, especially when he sees the wide-eyed surprise on Kanda's face. The other exorcist looks like he can't believe Allen just said that, and truthfully, Allen can't believe he said that either.

"I mean," He starts, and unconsciously spreads his legs so there not touching Kanda's. Which, he realizes as Kanda looks down and goes through five different expressions ranging from embarrassed to what-the-fuck to something Allen hopes might be want, looks like an invitation entirely.

So he snaps his legs closed as much as he can without hurting Kanda and colors some more and then finally spits out words he actually thought about. "You're. Um. Embarrassed because it was me- right?" He adds on the last part because he wasn't sure if you just- spoke your opinion in these kind of situations or waited until the other person agreed or what. Either way, this situation was getting highly embarrassing and he would have rather handled another week or so of Kanda being mad and avoiding him if he could just- _not _have this conversation.

Kanda looks just as conflicted as him- his mouth is turned down forcibly and the area around his eyes is tense and if the other boy had less dignity Allen knows he'd be just as red as he was.

They stay silent like that for a second or two, and then Allen looks away because he doesn't know what to say. He feels slightly stupid and childish but. Really. Kanda wasn't giving him anything to work with. And this talk wasn't salvageable anymore, anyway- he could just leave. And maybe he and Kanda could talk later. Maybe.

He's just about to say this- maybe make an excuse or something equally transparent, because Kanda isn't that stupid either- before Kanda's voice breaks the silence.

"It's not because it was you, you complete _idiot._"

Allen's head whips around at that- he can feel his neck moan in protest, it was that fast- and he stares into Kanda's face, which is actually red and embarrassed and everything Kanda isn't, usually.

"What?" Allen says, because he isn't sure he heard that correctly. So he repeats it. " 'Not because it was me'?"

Kanda scowls, and Allen takes that as a _yes, you idiot, that's what I said_. He leans forward, tries to get into Kanda's space a bit because his mind is racing a mile a minute and if Kanda said that, that means it was something else entirely and- he doesn't want to hope yet, but it's hard.

Kanda shifts a little, and he tries to get him to look up into his eyes without touching him. "Then why?" he demands earnestly, and he rests his hands on his knees; the fingers brush the outside of Kanda's thigh and he jerks before relaxing again, allowing another point of connection.

He waits for an answer because nothing ever good comes out of rushing the perpetually pissed off; Kanda seems to be gathering his thoughts, anyway, and Allen is glad to wait if it's going to be a good answer.

Patience pays off because Kanda's eyes finally find his and he frowns a bit more before saying "It's not because it's you, you idiot. It's because."

Kanda is struggling with words and- this feels like an accomplishment to Allen. Because if Kanda is taking the time to actually find words and _speak _them instead of swearing and answering cryptically it means- well, a whole lot to Allen.

"Because- you idiot." Still struggling, but he smiles encouragingly, which just makes Kanda scowl hard and then there is a hand sliding through his hair and pulling him close and suddenly he has a mouthful of Kanda. Kanda, who is kissing him softly, mouthing his bottom lip and holding him there and all Allen can do is melt.

And this- well, it's not the happiest moment of his life, but it's one of the time he feels fullest. When he feels like everything is all good and right with the world and if he kisses Kanda back nothing bad will happen.

So he does. And it's heartbreaking and happy and Allen makes a little noise of appreciation when Kanda licks into his mouth and it's great. It's wonderful.

Then Kanda pulls away and lets go of his head and glowers, looking at him with something like resolve and content.

The smile on his face is wide- he can feel it, stretching from ear to ear, making his face hurt in a good kind of way- and Kanda lets out a billowy sigh. Like he's just resigned himself to a fate that he doesn't particularly mind but had never thought he'd see himself in.

"Are you going to stop being an idiot now?" He asks, and Allen hopes Kanda can't see to the back of his throat.

"Yes," He says, quelling the urge to- giggle or smile or something equally stupid and love-sick, even though he feels it. "But only if you do, too."

-----------------

The next time he sees Lavi and Lenalee, across the hall, they are staring at him and Kanda as if expecting something. So he smiles back at them and leans into Kanda to say something- when the other boy doesn't push him away but instead frowns at him, unmoving, Lenalee looks like she is about to scream and Lavi gives him a thumbs up that only he can see, hidden in the wideness of his grin.

-----------------------

Allen is immeasurably happy for three weeks. _Immeasurably_. The Earl could have knocked down his door and demanded the whole thing be settled, once and for all, and Allen would have greeted him with a smile and an offer for tea first.

Everyone can see it, too- and since happiness is contagious, for a full week the order is smiling and things seem to pick up around the place. This is also helped by the fact that Lenalee is humming a tune while she delivers coffee and Lavi is more rambunctious than usual, helping out wherever he can and with stories falling off his tongue like rain.

And it also helps because even Kanda seems less surly than usual, only scowling at the stupidity of everyone's 'good morning, Kanda!'s and the whole general cheeriness of the order.

Someone could think it was Christmas at the Black Order, Allen thinks, steering his cart towards the last table where Lenalee, Lavi, Miranda, Marie, and Kanda sit.

When he plops down, it's beside Kanda- everyone greets him happily, even Marie and Miranda, who had just gotten back from a mission half an hour ago. Kanda gives him a glance and Allen smiles back before digging in, being careful that no food went flying in anyone's general direction.

Under the table, his knee rests against Kanda's and Kanda doesn't pull away. This is a big accomplishment to Allen because- really. If anyone asked him if he could change anything over the last three weeks, he would say he'd like it if he could actually touch Kanda more.

He's not complaining, per say- okay, well, maybe he is, because the thing about him and Kanda being- well, together, is that he thought he could at least. Touch Kanda once in awhile. Not even sexually. Like, maybe holding hands (even though Kanda would never do that. Ever) or just resting his head on Kanda's shoulder and- well, if he really thought about it, he should have never expected Kanda to do any of those things, anyway.

But he thought something would at least happen by now. Something like- well, something like more than kissing and the closest he's ever gotten to that is him and Kanda sleeping in the same bed and slow, lazy kisses in the morning. Allen never would have guessed that the other man is so affectionate in the morning but for the two times he's slept in the same bed as Kanda, he's been basically- well, cuddled. Which Kanda will kill him for if he ever says that aloud but.

Still. He'd like it if Kanda maybe kissed _him _once in awhile.

"Allen?"

"Mmf?" Lenalee shoots him a disgusted look, and he swallows his food quickly, not even bothering with chewing. He shoots Lenalee a guilty smile before turning to Miranda. "Yes, Miranda?"

The woman smiles nervously at him, wincing when she stretches the skin below the gauze on her cheek. Allen winces in sympathy with her, aware that her cheek had been cut deep enough to see the bone.

"Komui wants to see you," She says, shooting Marie a grateful look when he places a large hand on her shoulder. "He says he just needs to see you about the next mission, the one coming up on Wednesday."

He nods, shoving a few potatoes in his mouth after thanking her and taking up a few glazed drumsticks. He goes to stand up and is surprised when he feels Kanda stand up next to him, setting his chopsticks down on his plate gracefully. When he glances at Kanda imploringly, the other just graces him with an indifferent look.

"I need to stop by the library." He says.

He feels Lavi and Lenalee's eyes on them, excited for him even after all this time- Marie just radiates happiness and Miranda looks confused, as if she isn't sure if this is normal anymore or not. He wishes he could show them how happy he was about the whole thing, but it's a little difficult when there isn't enough beauty in the world to show it.

He thinks he might be lovesick, staring at the back of Kanda's head as he turns away and strides purposefully towards the door.

---------

They chatter while walking along the halls- well, Allen chatters to fill the silence and because he can't hold it all in, and Kanda nods an affirmative once in awhile and makes a noise where he disagrees with Allen, which is more often than not. They argue a little, because they wouldn't be themselves if they didn't, and by the time they part at the door Allen is red with embarrassment and anger and happiness.

He greets Komui with his flush dying down his neck and the older man just rolls his eyes at him before outlining the details of the mission. Simple innocence mission, trying to figure out why a building everyone enters turns them out deliriously happy with their life, no matter the circumstances. It's probably not an actual innocence- they think it might just be an opium den with extremely satisfied customers and a kind owner- but they should check it out anyway. The only reason they're going is because the finders all come out stupidly happy.

He'll be going with Lavi, because the bookman have a very narrow focus and won't become distracted and blah blah blah, but he doesn't have the heart to tell Komui that, if anything, Lavi might be distracted the second he steps into the building. He thinks Komui knows it anyway.

The mission is supposed to take two days, as it's just in a small English town not even that many miles from headquarters. As it turns out, they'll be leaving tomorrow at four in the morning. Allen bemoans the existence of such a time in his head as he takes his file and heads back down to the cafeteria to find Lavi.

Five steps away from the entrance of the hall, he changes his mind and backtracks to go find Kanda instead. Lavi would probably be in the library now anyway he reasons.

When he opens the doors to the library he's surprised to see that no one is there- not even the librarian, who is a stern man that will stare at Allen suspiciously if he smiles too much.

Nonetheless, he walks in and gives the room a cursory glance as he heads further in, looking for any sign of something living and breathing and possibly long haired and gorgeous.

He walks the aisles, lets his fingers trail the edges of the books- catches some titles, _A Tale of Two Cities_, _Jane Eyre, Vanity Fair_- and wonders if he could ever get good enough at reading to pursue the large volumes that loom at him from all sides.

He's on the last aisle, this one filled mostly with bibles and a biography or two, when he catches long legs out of the corner of his eye. He turns on his aisle and walks baby steps to the end of the book case, heart fluttering a bit as he sees Kanda in full view.

Kanda looks peaceful- not peaceful in the way in which he fights and kills, but peaceful in the way when there is nothing to fight for. When there is no need to fight at one lonely moment in time. He looks like complete relaxation, ankles crossed and slouched in the large chair with a book in his hand.

The book is Japanese, so Allen definitely can't read the title. He tilts his head to read the characters anyway, and this movement makes Kanda's eyes flicker up to him.

"What?" He says, looking offended. His book lowers a bit to reveal more of his face, dropping just below his lips; Allen can't be bothered to stare anywhere else.

"Nothing," Allen offers after a second, and takes larger strides forward until he's standing beside Kanda, bringing a leg up so he could sit on the arm. He leans forward a bit, rests a hand on the back, and realizes shamelessly that he's just trying to get into Kanda's space.

This, apparently, doesn't go unnoticed; Kanda glares death up at him and shifts over so his back is resting on the opposite arm. He looks back into the pages of the book, at the vertical characters, and says "Piss off then."

Allen glowers at him, his own tone offended. "I just wanted to know what you were reading." And then, for good measure, "God."

Kanda scowls and looks back up at him. His answer is short and clipped. "_Oku no Hisomichi_." At Allen's confused stare, "The Narrow Road to the Deep North."

"Oh," Allen says, studying the lines and graceful strikes that seem like jumbles to him, splayed along the page like his teenage wet dreams. Then it hits him that Kanda's reading _Japanese_, which makes sense since, well, Kanda is Japanese, but.

"Can you readEnglish?" He asks_, _shifting a bit so he's more relaxed, fine with being this close to Kanda.

Surprisingly, Kanda doesn't scowl or get angry or do anything that would make Allen feel the need to bite back, because even though Kanda makes Allen stupid and angry, he can still make a good remark or too.

"I read the mission reports, don't I?" Then, simply. "Japanese is just easier for me."

Allen replies with a small hum, watches Kanda go back to the text. It's a few minutes of silence, where he rolls his head back onto the seat and closes his eye, that Allen realizes that he can't even really read his own language, never mind another one.

He makes a noise of revelation and Kanda glances up, annoyance written clearly across his face. Allen finds he is fine with Kanda's angry faces- it's the annoyed faces that really bothers him.

"_What_." Kanda grinds out.

Allen kind of stares at him because he doesn't know what to say- how to admit this one defeat because it might mean the world to Kanda, even though he knows deep down it wouldn't. Back before, when he didn't like Kanda as much as he did now, he'd think of who Kanda would end up with- it would be a pretty young thing, someone stern and did herself well and who was intelligent. Someone who could top Kanda enough times to get the man to respect her. He would only ever think of this, half asleep and bone-tired, so she was also a little dirty too- to counteract Kanda's apparent frigidity.

And he's- he's not any of those things. He isn't pretty because his hair is white and choppy and his face and body are scarred; his eyes are weird colored and his arm is black as the shadows in the corridors. He isn't stern, and always gives in; his job was to follow orders. And he wasn't intelligent, not at all- he always followed his feelings and instincts and never thought things through.

He wasn't anything like Kanda was supposed to have, and that made him feel… well, small and inadequate and kind of self-conscious.

"I can hardly even read English." He mumbled, and from the sharp look Kanda gives him he hadn't been expecting that.

Kanda frowns up at him and he slides his eyes to the side, plays with the worn threads beneath his fingertips; sees the black of his hand, the little cross imbedded in it, and wishes that it was at least normal colored.

"You read the mission reports, don't you?" Kanda says, finally, and Allen continues to pick at the little red threads before nodding his head.

He feels like Kanda will frown at him further, make a caustic remark; make fun of him on one of the only things that matters. It would- well, make him feel less grateful that he opened up even that little tiny bit.

Before he can over think the whole thing, Kanda turns back to his own book and murmurs, "Then who cares?"

And he feels- such a ache in his chest, like there was a tight ball of tension that exploded from the inside out so softly he hadn't even noticed it till right then, at that moment in time. Before he realizes what he's doing his hand slides through Kanda's hair to the back of his head and he brings his lips closer, breathing the word "Kanda."

Kanda's mouth is in a stern line and the second that Allen's near enough to kiss him he turns his head away, letting Allen's mouth brush the edge of his lips.

"Not here." Kanda hisses, bringing up a hand to grip Allen's arm, where it is stilled in the air with Allen's hand in his hair.

This makes Allen freeze, eyes wide in Kanda's face. Kanda doesn't break his narrowed glare, and doesn't break his posture; if anything, he becomes more rigid by the second and Allen can tell he's a second away from pushing him when his body uncoils and he sits up straight, refusing to look Kanda in the eye.

His face is burning up- it feels like his hair is going to catch fire if he stays that embarrassed for more than two seconds.

"Yeah, um, sorry." He says, for lack of anything better. Then he gets up and stretches out his legs, stiffly.

Kanda's eyes go back down to the page, unaffected. This makes his face heat up more, because he feels entirely embarrassed and angry and stupid and kind of like a love sick girl.

"I'll, um. See you later." He says, and without further ado he leaves.


	8. Chapter 8

It's several hours after the whole thing and he can still feel the shame creeping up the back of his neck every time he thinks about it, which is quite often. It doesn't help that Lavi manages to get the story out of him when he drops off the reports and all he can say is "Damn.", low like he doesn't know how it feels.

It bothers him so much throughout the hours that by the time night strikes he's got himself into a flurry, wanting to tell Kanda that he wants to touch him and that he wouldn't mind if Kanda touched him sometimes, too, since they were… _'Seeing' _each other or whatever he and Kanda were calling it.

He ends up actually acting on the urge to go see Kanda and give him an earful and before he knows it he's in front of Kanda's door, hand making the sharp tap sound that sounds like he changed his mind about knocking halfway through.

Kanda though, damn him, has good hearing- superb hearing, if half the things Allen says under his breath when they fight are heard anyway.

He answers the door in loose flannel pajamas, one hand holding the edge of his sweater closed to provide modesty- it does nothing to save his virtue, Allen thinks, because he starts thinking dirty things anyway.

And this completely and utterly derails his anger, leaving a spark of hopelessness and incoherence that would make Kanda shake his head.

"Um," He says intelligently, and Kanda opens the door wider and scowls at him.

"I'm sleeping alone tonight." He says simply, heading into the room without a second glance at Allen.

Allen will always be surprised at how empty Kanda's room is- nothing but a hook and a bed and a night stand, a glowing flower resting on the windowsill. Allen thinks of one of the fairytales Mana told him, about a princess with long hair hiding in a tower, waiting for her prince to come.

Kanda is anything but a princess, though, and Allen is pretty sure any royalty would run screaming from Kanda if they came into contact with him.

Allen's gaze finally zooms in on Kanda, who has curled up at the head of his bed to read a book- the same book he had been reading earlier, Allen recognizes. Something about narrow roads and whatnot.

He goes to sit down beside Kanda, maybe just rest there beside him for a minute, then remembers his earlier anger- freezes with his hand on the bed frame. He stays like that for longer than is appropriate and, because of this, Kanda finally looks over.

"Jesus Christ-" He starts, before Allen cuts him off.

"If you- If you don't-" He thinks about his words carefully, as carefully as he can with his eyes staring into Kanda's; when he does pick the words, they burn his throat like razors as they leap out, weak and timid. "If you don't want this, I could- leave."

Confusion is clear on Kanda's face, and it shows when he speaks gruffly. "What?"

Allen clears his throat- feels his eyes drift to the side but refuses to let them, wanting to see Kanda's eyes when he asks him. "I mean, if you don't want- me…"

He stands a little straighter at that, tries not to grip the bed frame hard. "If you don't want me, I could leave."

Confusion fades from Kanda's eyes as fast as confidence fades from Allen's spine; he tries not to slouch in on himself, to be a little more protected in a little ball of Allen. Before he can stop himself he's speaking, meek words that sound entirely stupid coming from his own mouth.

"I mean, if you don't like- touching me. Or anything, if you don't like me, I can just leave. If you want." He mumbles, finally letting his eyes slide away from Kanda's face and downwards; his gaze shifts to focus on the sheets near Kanda's hips. "I won't- talk to you about this anymore. It'll be like- like before, when we were just comrades."

He tries to gain the energy to look into Kanda's eyes again- manages it for half of his next sentence. "If you want, Kanda."

The brief flash he had caught of the other's face, before his own shame and embarrassment made him look away, is a thoughtful, frustrated kind of thing. Like Kanda doesn't know what he wants, and that's the thing that makes Allen's heart hurt the most.

He goes to turn away, to maybe leave the room and whatever Kanda could be for him. Maybe leave so he could get over this whole stupid thing and focus on killing the Earl and saving AKUMA and being- well, not alone, but without anyone to wake up too. Alone-alone.

Kanda's hand snags his fingertips- the fingertips of his black hand, which make Allen's arm go all fuzzy with feeling. Allen's so embarrassed that he doesn't turn around for a full twenty two seconds before Kanda pulls a little harder on his fingers.

When he turns around, the other man's frustrated look has diminished and on his face is only thoughtfulness and something like passion- not compassion, because that would definitely make Allen turn around, but something like forgiveness.

Kanda doesn't even say a word- just slips his hand around the back of Allen's neck and kisses him, slow and meaningfully.

Kissing Kanda is nice and will never cease to be, Allen thinks- its wet and warm, like nothing Allen has ever felt before. He'd like to say it's like curling up under a blanket while watching other circus performers perform, but it's- entirely different. Kissing Kanda is an entirely new experience that Allen can't begin to describe.

The kiss itself is chaste- a little open mouthed, the tips of their tongues brushing- and when Kanda pulls back Allen feels like following but reigns in the want by opening his eyes.

Kanda's hands are suddenly his own again, placed on either side of him as he looks up at Allen with a normal face- a face that calls Allen stupid and idiotic and stupid.

They don't say anything for a minute and Allen pulls himself up again, embarrassed that he had leant so far forward that the one hand not holding the bar had come to rest on the edge of the bed.

"I don't care if you leave," Kanda says finally, and before the hurt can fully develop on Allen's face he quietly adds, "That doesn't mean I want you too."

Allen lets it sink in for a moment; lets the tight feeling, the exploding from the inside out, become huge in his chest. He finally defines it as a restless feeling- the feeling that he needs to move, to do something.

So he does, and this time he leans forward of his own accord to kiss Kanda sweetly; let's his hand fall to the edge of the bed again as he kisses him, opens his mouth underneath him and pry the emotions Kanda had made with that admission out and splayed in front of him.

Kanda gives it to him; kisses him sweetly back with his fingers just brushing Allen's own, leaning forward to catch his lips as if gravity would take over and drag him down. Allen tries to give just as equally back, let Kanda see how happy he made him from even thinking of saying that.

Then he opens his mouth wider and Kanda copies him, and suddenly they're kissing dirtier and a little wetter and Allen is so dizzy he ends up planting both hands on the bed and Kanda leans back, pulling him by his t-shirt that by the time they stop moving Allen is on top of Kanda, one hand tangled in Kanda's hair as the other holds him up.

He's dizzy now, even more so than when he had been standing and the kiss is a lot dirtier and a lot wetter than two minutes ago and Allen- well, Allen Junior is entirely up for anything, if the way he hardens in his pants is any indication.

This is also the furthest they've gotten since they've started 'seeing each other', as Allen determinedly had not thought about giving Kanda a blowjob as counting unless he was hard and aching at night, restless in his teenage skin.

He feels kind of shy about it, kind of mortified because if he was so quick to excite than Kanda would probably be disappointed or something equally odd or something and it would just be terrible. Horrendous. He kind of feels ashamed, actually, being so excitable.

Kanda's hand traces his hips and he feels a lot less ashamed, actually- feels a lot less of everything but horny and hot and wanting.

Then- then Kanda grinds up and Allen gasps hard into his mouth, own hips automatically pressing down to rub against Kanda and it's- great. Really good. So good that Allen does it again, drags his hips up sharp and is rewarded with a sharp shock of pleasure and a grunt from Kanda.

He does it again, and again, because it feels real good- so good that his mouth is open against Kanda's, messy in kissing but he didn't think he get this far this quick- didn't think he would get sex from Kanda in the next hundred years.

The thing that helps the most, actually, is that Kanda is almost as hard beneath him as he himself is- he can feel it against his pelvis and see it when he lifts up to get a better angle, sees the way it softly tents Kanda's pants.

The hot feeling is just the beginning, and he thinks he could only cool down if he took off Kanda's sweater- pushed the edges to the side so he could kiss Kanda, place his lips along his neck and down his ribs, maybe to the dips of his hips and finally, finally where he had been before, mouth wrapped around Kanda with Kanda's hand in his hair.

So he pushes the fabric aside, and then Kanda leans up so he pulls back and Kanda shrugs the sweater off with his help, never once leaving his mouth and that makes Allen's dick so much harder, how Kanda doesn't want to pull away.

They manage to throw the shirt to the floor and Kanda drags him back, rocking his hips up and it's like the first time Allen had jerked off- new and awakened, but so much better because he isn't in a cheap hotel room, biting his fist as Cross lays passed out beside him.

And then Kanda's hands go to his hips and he stills his movements, body still trying to make little motions and hardly succeeding because he feels the pleasure skipping up and down his spine still as he opens his eyes and looks at Kanda's face.

Kanda's face is red, too- eyes bright, not unlike when he had first seen it in the darkness of a tower. Allen tries not to move anymore than what his body forces him too, curling his hand against the sheets with nails digging into his palm to keep him grounded.

"Kanda?" He starts, unsure what the other wants.

Kanda's expression breaks down from mixed emotions- lust, frustration, thoughtfulness- to something Allen thinks mirrors his own expression. Something like pure want.

"Idiot." Kanda breathes, and goes directly back to kissing him as if that little interlude never happened and it all goes back to being very great. Even better when Kanda's hands run from his hips down to his pants and he tugs them down as best he can, making Allen's breath hitch.

Then it just seems like natural progression- lifting to let Kanda tug his pants to his knees, him grabbing the leg and pulling until one hand slips it off, Kanda kicking the rest of the stubborn cloth off until it lies on the floor. Natural as kissing Kanda and wanting Kanda- natural as kissing Kanda's throat then spitting on his fingers, sliding one digit to press against the puckered skin of the other's entrance.

Then Kanda freezes and Allen really realizes maybe he read the whole situation wrong and Kanda had just wanted to do the rubbing thing- it had been spectacular and Allen wouldn't complain if they went back to that, because he wasn't expecting much, but-

"Okay," Kanda says, grabbing his head to pull him down for a dirty kiss. "Okay."

The feeling of natural progression takes over again and he kisses Kanda as he pushes one finger in, swallowing the other man's rough grunt at the intrusion.

Kanda is pliant beneath his fingers, wide and relaxed and Allen guesses it's from days of meditating that he's able to do this- to relax when it must hurt. He pushes in deeper, presses his finger forward and pulls back so he can study Kanda's face.

Kanda- he's breathing heavily, and he's watching Allen, dark eyes and red mouth and he's pushing into the knuckles, not once breaking his stare. It's probably the hottest and dirtiest thing Allen has even seen in his whole entire life, ever, and this makes spit pool under his tongue and his dick so much desperately harder, makes him add a second finger.

Allen presses forward, further, and crooks his fingers just so; feels the tight ring of muscle tense around his hand and Kanda throws his head back and groans, a low, loud guttural sound that has Allen's other hand going to his own cock, pressing where it's still trapped under his pants.

He keeps brushing the spot because he loves the sound of Kanda's voice- his unrestrained, passionate sounds that crawl up his spine and settle in the back of his mind, where it will stay for days after. Weeks.

"Allen," Kanda grinds out, and pushes down onto his fingers, and grasps his shoulders, and looks at him with something like wild want in his eyes, dark, dark lust. Allen makes a keeling sound in turn and leans down to kiss Kanda messily, mouths sliding against each other.

He pets Kanda's insides, just- touching. He knows he's teasing Kanda but it just feels so good, all that hot skin beneath him, and he especially likes it when Kanda moans into his mouth and when he jerks roughly into his hand. It's like everything he's always been told to want.

Then Kanda pulls his mouth away, and Allen licks his jaw, kisses the skin and sucks it with loud, obscene noises. He's so concentrated on the task that he doesn't hear Kanda's growl until the other man grabs his hair and pulls him away, forcing them to look at each other.

"I'm not a girl, Walker," He pants, and he licks his lips, and Allen can't help but lean in to kiss him. Kanda kisses him back, wet and hot, but then pulls his hair to force him up again. Allen makes a keeling sound, deep in his throat; Kanda thrusts his hips up and he promptly forgets what he was complaining about. Even when Kanda looks at him with his dark eyes and says, slightly sarcastically and breathlessly, "I don't need that much help."

Allen looks back at him, and feels all the pleasure and want from just- touching Kanda like this rising in him, filling him- and as Kanda pulls him in for another kiss he feels so desperate he thinks he might die.

He pulls back because- well, he won't make love to Kanda while still fully dressed- and it's a great effort. A humungous effort because the worst thing in the world right now is pulling away from Kanda. But he manages, even though the wet popping sound that their lips make as they separate almost pulls him back in. Almost. But at least Kanda wants his clothes off too because he leans up and starts unbuttoning his shirt, kissing the skin that's revealed inch by inch and Allen can't be blamed if his hands are too shaky to undo his belt.

They manage to get his clothes off in what is possibly record time but it feels like hours have passed since Allen confronted Kanda about the whole wanting thing and he is so, so glad he did. Especially with Kanda's lips on his and the feel of skin under his hand and he realizes he had never once thought of how his arm is really nothing to the other man. It might be, quite possibly, because Kanda has been drawing him in and he hasn't had time to notice.

Kissing, again, but it's slow and soft and still wet; perfect. One hand grabs Kanda's hips, fingertips finding the deep grove of a scar, and one hand grabs his dick and Allen feels like everything is being held inside of him before he starts pushing and Kanda arches his back into it, mouth sliding off Allen's to make an encouraging noise in his ear.

It's perfect. Perfect. Tight and hot and Allen doesn't rush himself, let's the pull of desire and lust and want and love tease him as he eases in and Kanda pants in his ear, deliciously. It's a slow process but every hitch of breath from Kanda encourages him and it's just- amazing. Worth it. Allen would have gladly paid ten times Cross' debts if this is what sex with Kanda felt like.

Before he knows it, he's all the way in and aside from the tight hot ring of Kanda, the only feelings that register are caused by Kanda- the heels of his feet digging hard into his thigh, the pull of one hand in his hair, the burn of fingers digging into his shoulder. The wet line of Kanda's mouth against his ear.

"Move, Allen." He hisses, and jerks his hips into it to prove a point that Allen doesn't quite get.

So Allen moves, because it's the only time he'll do what Kanda wants- he pulls out and pushes back in again, all slow and it's so, so hard to not just push into Kanda and just use him but Allen wants to do this right. He wants to make this feel good for Kanda, too.

The rhythm is slow and torturous and Allen wants nothing more but to go faster, drive deeper, but Kanda is still clenched around him, tense, hot breaths in his ear, so he moves slow. Agonizingly slow. It seems like nothing good will happen for Kanda and he starts to despair before Kanda thrusts his hips up at the exact same time Allen jerks particularly roughly and his head falls back and his grip loosens.

"Oh, fuck, fuck." Kanda says; he seems boneless for a second. Allen pulls out only abit and jerks rough, up, just like he had before and Kanda's head drops back onto the pillow and his hips tilt up again, mouth open.

He does it again, and his back arches and then- again, except he pulls out all the way and drives in deep and Kanda makes a choked noise as if he had just found meaning in the world for himself.

"Again," He strangles out, and Allen follows his orders and drives hard and deep.

The pace becomes stupid and mindless and Kanda's grips on his hair tightens, steadily. Allen is so lost in the heat and the pleasure exploding inside him and as he mouths along the side of Kanda's neck words tumble out of his mouth, and for once he doesn't regret them. "I love you, Kanda_._"

Kanda freezes under his touch but Allen notices something else entirely- saw the jump of Kanda's cock at his words and before he does anything else Kanda drags his head up by his hair and glares, hard and sweet into his eyes, but the effect of anger is lost through the sweat and wont desire in his face. That's when Allen realizes Kanda likes the words.

"Don't." Kanda says, trying to sound stern, but then Allen leans forward to kiss his lips and against his mouth he whispers the same words, driving into Kanda hard and deep and he lets go of his hip and wraps a hand around Kanda's cock and the boy makes a strangled moan against his mouth.

"Kanda," He murmurs against his mouth, and instead of pressing deep into him he just jerks his hips in small, hard thrusts and his hand moves faster and, still, against his mouth. "I love you Kanda, I do."

"Fuck." Kanda says back, and he's arching off the bed, and Allen kisses him long and meaningfully and he's coming in great spurts, coating their stomachs with the creamy substance. Allen actually manages to pull back and look at Kanda, who is panting with great, heaving breaths, eyes closed, looking so uncontrolled that he feels the emotions building inside of him rising, almost suffocating him. His hands go to Kanda's hips and he holds them in place as he thrusts hard, watching Kanda's face, and it's all he can do before he's gasping, too, riding the wave of pure _bliss_ and it's hot and dirty and Kanda's watching him with this _expression_. Allen has to close his eyes or he feels like he'll be overwhelmed.

He can hardly hold himself up when the emotions wane into a murmur beneath his skin and he rests his forehead against Kanda's neck, breathing heavily. He feels so spent that he really does feel like he's going to just drop off right then and there. But, apparently, Kanda can't be bothered with sleepiness and pushes at his shoulder.

"Idiot," Kanda says, but there is completely no malice in his town and Allen smiles against his neck. "Get off."

"Mm, don't wanna." He murmurs; he is forced to comply when Kanda gives his shoulder an extra hard shove, though, and he gets onto his knees and slides out of Kanda before getting off the bed.

He doesn't really know how to react now, though- should he just- get back in bed? Or go shower? Or just (most disappointingly) get his clothes back on and leave?

Kanda seems to solve the problem for him because he jerks the case off his pillow and wipes at his stomach, glaring at it as if the gunk had just materialized out of nowhere. After this is done he motions Allen closer and wipes down his stomach also. He feels vaguely like a child being washed down but secretly thinks it's a rather small price to pay for being able to love Kanda like that.

Kanda swings his legs back onto the bed and scoots over, then lays down. Allen doesn't exactly know if that's an invitation or not before the Japanese exorcist looks at him and rolls his eyes in a way that implies that Allen is exactly the idiot he always thought he was.

So Allen crawls in and the feeling he gets when Kanda throws an arm around his shoulders is almost as great as the sex they just had. Almost.

--------

One minute, during the night, Allen wakes up and thinks it's a dream. He panics before Kanda murmurs something more than slightly insulting. That's when he realizes it's not a dream and then he is unable to sleep for the rest of the night.

---------------------

Then, early in the morning, with Kanda sleepy and pliant-

"Lavi told me you two-" He murmurs, then tightens his jaw to hold back a yawn; the tenseness doesn't leave, however, and Kanda looks at him through the slits that are his eyes.

"We what?" Allen mutters back, trying to resist the stiffness in his legs, where they are tangled with Kanda's; he wiggles his toes to try and dissipate some of it.

Kanda snorts and solves the problem for Allen by straightening his legs and stretching them; Allen resists the urge to sigh because this means the other man is waking up. Which means they'll be back to fighting in an hour or so. But at least they've had sex.

Before Allen can fully realize they've had sex and wake up himself, Kanda scowls at him. "If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're a fucking idiot."

Allen blinks at him. Kanda purses his lips and moves to shove him off the bed, but Allen grabs his hand; he doesn't push against his hand too hard before giving up and letting it fall back to the bed spread, which means he's still half asleep. Which is good. Allen can figure out what he's talking about.

"Me and Lavi do a bunch of things together," He says, tangles his fingers in Kanda's; Kanda tugs his hand away, which means he is waking up. Not so good. "That's a pretty general statement."

Kanda's lips are still pursed and his shoulders tense in a silent stretch; Allen's learned this is how he goes about lazily trying to get his blood pumping before he gets up and does actual stretches. Allen thinks this part of Kanda is really cute. Not that he'd say it out loud.

"He's said you've kissed."

Kanda's mouth is set in a scowl- also not good, because it means he's definitely awake and just about ready to go back to his usual self- and this is when Allen realizes Lavi is a fucking idiot who needs to be _taken out back and shot_.

"It was one time!" He squawks, spreads his hands against the bed spread and pushes himself up abit; he stares at Kanda with a dark blush on his face and Kanda continues to scowl at him, flexing his fingers. "And- he told me-"

Kanda's scowl deepens, and he rolls onto his side and props himself up on his elbows; Allen tries not to look too much because he'd get morning wood and it's so not an appropriate time for that right now. Unless Kanda wanted to do something. That would be good. And appropriate.

"He said what?" Kanda says, and the tone of his voice dissipates all hope Allen has for morning sex.

Allen decides that the best way to go about telling Kanda about his and Lavi's little excursion is to do it quick and painlessly; like ripping off a bandage caked with blood instead of easing it off.

"He told me you kissed tons of people." He mutters, not looking at Kanda. "And he said he'd- well, he offered to make sure I wasn't…" He blushes. This is not a conversation he thought he'd ever have with Kanda. Hell, he didn't think he'd have it with _anyone_. "… Rusty."

Kanda is radiating disapproval in gigantic waves. Tsunami like waves.

"You're a fucking idiot." He states.

Allen's ears blush.

"It was a valid concern, alright?" Allen bites back, looking at his fingers as they tap a tattoo on the bed spread. "If you're so _experienced_-"

"You're still a fucking idiot." Kanda states again, and he lets his head fall back, baring his throat; he swallows, and Allen has to repeat the mantra of _Bookman in a dress, Bookman in a dress_ to keep his little self from getting interested. "And he's a fucking liar."

Allen stares until Kanda looks up at him, glaring.

"So," He says, blinking. "You haven't?"

Kanda glowers at him a bit harder. Definitely awake now. "I have."

Allen taps his fingers against the bed; looks nervously at Kanda, biting his lip. "But. You haven't…" He waves a hand in the air meekly, hoping Kanda catches his drift; with the way the exorcist looks at him, Allen surmises he doesn't get it at all. He tries to explain. "… with tons of people?"

Kanda's disapproval tsunami's multiply by tenfold; he tries not to flinch.

"Do I look like a whore to you?" He bites out, angry. So much for afterglow and morning sex, Allen thinks.

"No! No. Just. Lavi says."

"Lavi's a filthy liar and I'm going to go stab him." Kanda mutters, and sits up fully; the blankets pool around his waist and Allen's tongue feels too large for his mouth.

"Lavi also told me you've had sex." Allen blurts out, and also realizes this is a filthy, filthy lie and if Kanda ever finds out he'll be gutted and hung outside the Order's doors, maybe with a sign that says '_All Beware! This is what happens when you lie like a filthy liar to Kanda Yu_'.

Then Kanda snorts and shoves him off the bed.

----------------

Later, Allen passes by the infirmary and sees a beaten and bruised Lavi; it's so bad that he might be blind for a week, what with the way his one good eye is swollen shut.

He also passes by Kanda, who has a bit of blood on the collar of his shirt and looks oddly satisfied.

"Did you talk to Lavi?" Allen smiles, even though he very well knew the answer.

Kanda grunts, though a tiny self satisfied smirk tugs at the corner of his lips.

Allen smiles back at him. "Is he going to stop lying?"

Kanda's little self satisfied smirk grows into a full on smirk.

"Yes." He says curtly.

"Good to know." Smile Smile Smile. He really wishes he could have been there. "Talk to you later?"

Kanda nods, the smirk still on his face.

------------------

And of course things would get horribly busy right after that.

The Earl, it turns out, has a knack for picking when Allen and Kanda actually have a day or two off together, because every single time Allen comes back from a mission Kanda has to leave for one. It's incredibly frustrating and Allen has started to stare at his hand with hatred because it feels like, a) it's attracting more trouble than it's worth and maybe he could cut the innocence off or something, and b) it won't seem to stay out of his pants.

Which, okay, he'll admit- the images of how Kanda looks during sex won't ever leave his mind and he even finds himself thinking about it when Reever is talking to him about some science mumbo jumbo that he actually should be paying attention too.

The only plus side, concerning sex, is that the sex is incredibly hot and hurried and Allen's cock still throbs when he remembers the one time that Kanda pulled him into a very empty hallway and bent him over.

The one thing Allen did enjoy secretly, though, is that even though they were often too tired for sex he and Kanda always found themselves in each other's beds in the mornings. Usually Kanda's because when Allen had suggested they slept in his room one night Kanda had looked at him with all the disgust he had when they first met and promptly told him that he was not sleeping in a place that made him feel like he was being watched and cursed. One would think three months since they got together would make Kanda a little more accommodating towards him, but it's a small price to pay, really.

But, luckily, Allen had a week off because they were going to be testing his innocence with a new piece of equipment that was supposed to repair their weapons while on a mission. It was like a much smaller version of Komulin II and, so far, was only aimed towards parasites types. It also didn't have the ability to drink coffee.

And okay, having a kind of holiday from missions was always awesome, but the best thing about his week off was that Kanda had just returned from a mission, which meant he would at least get at least three days rest. At least.

Before he can go check on Kanda, see if he had even been hurt badly enough to warrant a night in the infirmary, Johnny grabs his arm and starts babbling about 'Komulin TP (travel pack)' might be able to even make disguises for the missions that involved espionage and they needed Allen to come and learn how and such and such and he was being dragged, anyway. No use fighting against it, Allen thought with something like a sigh. He could always see Kanda later.

Later turned out to be much, _much_ later- mainly because they hadn't expected TP to go berserk and try and give haircuts to everyone, which made Allen activate his innocence and the whole room had been destroyed before TP had it's energy source punched in by Allen himself- and by the time Allen is trudging up to Kanda's room, hair damp on his neck from the quick bath he had taken, it's something close to one o' clock and he really hopes Kanda is still up.

When he gets there, he knocks- three quiet taps that wouldn't get the attention of anyone else but Kanda, who has super hearing or just wakes a little too easy to be normal.

He hears a rustle of cloth inside, imagines Kanda climbing out of bed- maybe with nothing on. The thought makes Allen's mouth water and by the time the other man opens the door he's pretty sure he could be hard in two seconds if he had to be.

He almost doesn't notice the brief flicker of emotion on Kanda's face- the regret, the contemplation- the kind of expression you'd see on a person who wanted but couldn't have.

It's gone, however, when Kanda leans against the doorframe, arms crossed over his bare chest. He is wearing pants, which kind of ruins Allen's fantasy a little, but he can still live with what he has in front of him. Live in excess of it, actually.

"Kanda?" He says, smiling a bit- not shyly, anymore, because by the third time they had sex both he and Kanda had found out that he's a dirty little pervert that can't keep his eyes and hands to himself. A side effect of being around Cross too long, maybe, but neither of them really complains (well, Kanda does, but not with any vehemence because he lets Allen spread his legs open anyway).

Kanda's answering smirk is a little teasing, definitely regretful now- Allen's hopes of sleeping with another body dissipate before Kanda even opens his mouth.

"I have to get up early tomorrow." He states, not moving from the door frame.

Allen frowns. "You always have to get up early."

Kanda snorts at that, flicking his head to the side to get some hair out of his face; Allen looks around before reaching out a hand and tucking the strand behind Kanda's ear, giving a cheeky grin at the annoyed scowl Kanda shoots him.

"And anyway," Allen says, hooking his fingers behind his back, "I just came to sleep."

Kanda raises an eyebrow at that, glances down and makes a slow trawl up his body with something akin to smug satisfaction when he shifts, flushing under the look.

"You really came to sleep?" Kanda says, and under his voice is the dark promise of sex- kinky sex, maybe. Allen still remembers the time Kanda tied him up and sucked his cock until he was begging, practically sobbing for it.

This makes Allen grin sheepishly, shift again; remembers that two seconds before Kanda opened the door, imagining him naked.

"Well," He starts, but this is obviously the wrong thing to say because Kanda shakes his head, lifts off from the frame and curls a hand around the doorknob.

"Goodnight, bean sprout." Kanda says firmly

"You know, I'm going to get you to call me Allen one day." He- well, he refuses to call it a pout, but with the way Kanda is looking at him it's kind of futile.

"Goodnight, bean sprout." Kanda repeats, giving him one last lingering look before closing the door.

Allen- well, it really is a pout. That he can't deny. But he thinks if anyone had a hot Japanese man they could have sex with anytime they wanted, usually, they'd be pretty disappointed if they were denied too.

---------------

The next week is spent trying to fight TP's malfunctioning spurts and keeping an eye out for Kanda, because the man is nowhere to be found. _At all._

Okay, except for that one time on the third day where he had found Kanda in the library, kissed him 'against his will' and jerked them both off, mouths hot and open wide against each other until Kanda had bit his shoulder when he came. That had been hot and satisfying and Kanda had kissed him long and hard before pushing him off and threatening to kill him if he ever 'forced' him to do it in such a public place again.

The way Kanda had pushed him into the bathroom to suck him off made the whole point totally moot, though, and by the time he came he'd made his knuckles bloody biting them and got a steady look from the librarian.

By the fifth day he's so distracted, thinking of how he's going to find Kanda and fuck him till he _screams _that TP manages to cut a big chunk of hair off the back of his head and he has to get his hair cut shorter than usual.

He gets compliments, usually teasing ones, and ends up with the rest of the day off because the science team feels terrible that they hadn't worked out the kinks. Plus he wasn't much help, anyway, daydreaming in the back while they had tried to make the thing less Komui-like.

All in all, its- okay, not bad, but it still makes him blush every time someone makes a catcall or compliments the new look.

When he finally does see Kanda, in the forest near the river after hiking 'for fun' (yeah right, his mind says, supplying him with images of sex in the river. Allen is a dirty, dirty boy), the exorcist takes one look at his sheared hair and gives him a huge smirk.

"I see someone made good on my threat to cut off your hair." He says in greeting, lowering his sword to his waist.

"It's not that bad," Allen mutters, running a hand through his hair and tugging at the strands that feather at his neck. The hair barely covers his ears now. At least his bangs are the same length. "Just… shorter in the back."

Kanda steps forward, reaches out a hand to brush the hair from his face; Allen tilts his head up imploringly, a small smile on his lips at the rare affection.

Then, just- nothing. Kanda drops his hand. Stands awkwardly in front of him, looking unsure of what to do. Shrugs his shoulders as if shaking off the embarrassment of aborting such an intimate action halfway through.

Allen's smile turns into a frown, and he looks up into Kanda's eyes to see a reason for the sudden hesitance.

This time it's Kanda's eyes that slide to the side, where his gaze is usually sure and steady and challenging. His mouth is set in a stubborn line, the way it gets when he's firm on a decision. On what Allen doesn't know, but he doesn't think it's a good one.

"I have to get back to training." He states, looking out towards the river. His body half turns away from him, and he has the inexplicable urge to reach out and touch him; knows, for some reason, that there's a barrier here. That if he touched Kanda, he would be shrugged off like so many other people.

"Okay," Allen says softly, and is unable to finish his sentence before Kanda nods stiffly and turns around, ponytail swaying as he walks away.

Allen stays for a few minutes, out of some fairytale wish that Kanda would come back and even talk to him for a while. When it doesn't happen (of course- Kanda isn't a prince and if he was one of those storybook ones Allen wouldn't want him so much, anyway), he ends up walking back home, Timcampy fluttering about in a worried manner, and feeling more confused with each step he takes.


	9. Chapter 9

They've finally worked out TP's kinks- it's no longer trying to chop everyone's hair off, and it might be kind of ashamed that it did that to Allen because it calmed down immediately after the whole incident- and Allen is sent on a mission with Marie and the robot, just to go information hunting amongst various backwater towns in Egypt.

By the time they get back with some new information- nothing special, just some prophecies and some new foreign technologies that could help the Order's science team with combustible materials, as well as the information that TP can fix only minor to median wounds- it's been two weeks and then Kanda isn't even there, gone on two missions and already on a third since the start of his one.

Allen can discount the weird behaviour as of late- he really can, because all… 'new couples' (whatever the hell he and Kanda are. He has a feeling they'll never discuss it and he's fine with that for now) act weird sometimes. And they haven't been together for very long or anything. Or, well, they have by Allen's standards but. Still. He can discount the weird behaviour.

He discounts it for about a month- in which he only has sex with Kanda twice and only because he _asked_, of all the preposterous things, and slept in his bed a handful of times- before he draws the line when he realizes Kanda's been back from a mission for a _day and a half_ and hadn't even _tried _to seek him out.

This- really bothers Allen, makes despair and anger and embarrassment curl in his stomach because the worst thing, he's finding lately- the worst absolute feeling is knowing that the person you're in love with is not as in love with you as you are them.

This feeling grows to his heart, makes him feel sick enough that he only has five plates of food for breakfast. The look and obvious worry on both Lavi and Lenalee's faces only serves to make him sicker, and he leaves with their stares on his back and a nauseous feeling.

He's just heading to Komui's office, possibly so he can ask for a mission and ignore the whole problem for another week so he can think about it _thoroughly_ when the sick feeling comes to a head when he knocks on the door and Kanda answers it.

They stare at each other, Kanda obviously surprised at seeing him so abruptly- the slow blink he gives Allen, the annoyed but blank stare, makes Allen grit his teeth and he opens the door a little wider, looks at Komui who is staring at the door imploringly.

"I can come see you later, Komui."

"Nonsense, Allen, I got free time right now-"

"I don't." Allen deadpans, and feels a twinge of guilt at the startled look that graces the older man's face; doesn't have time to apologize because his hand has grasped Kanda's wrist and has tugged him forward, out of Komui's office.

"What are you doing?" Kanda hisses, trying to break his wrist free from Allen's grip. The fact that he can't says something about how Allen's feeling right now. "I'm busy."

"It can wait." Allen snaps, giving Kanda a quick, angry glare- tries to mask it with anger, anyway, but by the way Kanda looks at him and scowls, uncomfortable, he knows the hurt showed through.

They trudge down the halls, silent, Kanda trying to tug his wrist out of Allen's grip every few minutes with no results. By the time they reach their seemingly random destination, which seems to be a storage space used for spare science experiments, Allen's fingers are stiff from holding onto Kanda so tightly and he's sure the skin will bruise ugly tomorrow.

Serves him right, says a little ugly voice in Allen, which he quickly squashes because he doesn't want to be aimlessly snippy for stupid reasons.

When Allen turns around after closing the door, skipping the lock for no reason other than the fact he doesn't think they'll be disturbed, Kanda is leaning against a table and scowling off to the side, stance so defensive it makes Allen feel like- some common brute, forcing him along.

He goes to speak and can't for a second- has to swallow around the lump in his throat first and the shame and embarrassment makes him flush, feel weak for a second- makes him pray to God that Kanda didn't see that weakness because if the man had seen him falter he'd have control of the conversation for sure.

He gets away with it, though, as Kanda's gaze hasn't left the wall. This makes Allen's face flush with anger instead, and the words he's able to get out of his throat are a little vindictive, confrontational.

"What the hell, Kanda?" He refuses to look anywhere but Kanda's face- is the challenging one this time, the one whose angry first. But he has a good reason, he thinks.

"What the hell what, bean sprout?" Kanda grouses, fingers twitching; if he wants a fight, Allen will give it to him- only so he can hold him down and make him _listen_.

"Don't play this bullshit with me, Kanda." He starts, his voice a snarl. "You know what. You've been- avoiding me. It isn't even that intimacy fear bullshit that I accept as you, as part of you-" Kanda turns his head around, gives him a dark glare- still isn't angry enough to push off the table, so Allen presses on, let's Kanda feel the anger radiate off him. Not the hurt. Not now. "Just this- avoidance thing! Jesus, Kanda, you didn't even tell me you were back a whole day ago!"

Kanda narrows his eyes at him in a glare, not an angry one- more of a apprehensive one, a calculating one that manages to piss off Allen more than if it had just been his typical look.

"It's none of your goddamn business." Kanda says coolly, still so composed and-

"None of my goddamn business?" Allen whispers back, just as coolly- perhaps a little more coldly, because he needs that kind of shield right now.

Allen, from the five paces he's been standing from Kanda, takes the few steps and crowds Kanda against the table, puts his hands on either side of his hips. Kanda, who doesn't move except for the scowl on his lips and in his expression Allen sees something a little different. Something he can't pinpoint quite yet, and isn't going to bother trying until he gets what he wants out of Kanda.

"'None of my goddamn business'?" He repeats, and before Kanda can open his mouth to mock him he leans forward so they're chest to chest, so close they could kiss. "How is it none of my goddamn fucking business, Yu?"

Kanda snarls, goes to push him off- Allen grabs his hands and wrestles them to the table with little effort, gaze not leaving Kanda's once.

"We kiss," He starts, voice deadly in the way that it's sweet. "I seek out your company and you _used_ to seek out mine. We _fuck_," the word said viciously, like it was a dirty thing. "When I call it 'making love'. I've also told you I love you and you haven't told me to stop saying it for awhile now, even during your whole avoidance thing."

"Look at me, Kanda." He says, staring hard into his eyes. Kanda does, but Allen can tell he has difficulty doing so. Knows Kanda can finally see the hurt buried under the anger; can see the shame and desperation under the embarrassment. "How can it be none of my goddamned business?"

Kanda looks at him, and Allen looks back- can see the warring emotions, so quickly fluttering across his face that he can hardly tell which emotions they are. Thinks he sees distress and indecision deep under all that and is about to question it aloud when Kanda leans forward.

He feels a brief flutter of excitement, of thrill- arousal because Kanda is initiating the kiss, which he hardly ever did in the first place.

Something in him resists, though- common sense probably. So he turns his head, lets Kanda's kiss catch the side of his lips and says, quietly. "I want an answer, Kanda. Not a distraction."

When Kanda remains stiff against him, doesn't say anything, just breathes sharp, loud breathes, Allen feels at a lost. Feels the fight drain out of him so suddenly it makes his knees weak and he pushes off the table, taking a couple steps back and turning around.

He runs a hand through his hair, stares at the wall as blankly as he can to try and gather the anger back, get it into a tight little ball so he could at least- find out a reason. Sate his curiosity even though the answer would most likely depress him.

When the tight little ball of anger is back, helped by Kanda's silence, he turns back around- appraises Kanda with the same heated stare that only looks like anger this far back.

"If you don't give me an answer," He starts, trying not to let Kanda's tight face get to him, "I'm going to assume the worst."

When there is no words, still, Allen closes his eyes; tries so desperately to hang onto the anger and only half succeeds when he says "I'll say it a second time, Kanda, and it's going to be the last time I say it: I can leave, if you want."

His eyes remained closed and he's sure the battle to keep the anger shows plainly on his face, in the tight 'v' of his brow to the pinched frown of his mouth. He just doesn't think he can look at Kanda when he says it.

He hears a loud gust of a sigh, hears Kanda shift his weight on the table. Is ready to demand an answer when Kanda says, quietly, "I'm leaving soon."

Allen huffs out a laugh, opens his eyes to give Kanda what he hopes is a dry-eyed glare. "I want an answer first, Kanda. I'm sick of hoping-"

"No," Kanda says, irritated. He's still leaning against the table now but his stance is impossibly tighter, impossibly more defensive. "I'm leaving the Order. Tomorrow morning."

This- makes Allen frown. Leaving the Order, yes, he can understand that. But- leaving the Order?

Kanda must see the confused expression on his face because he sighs again, the more familiar 'why am I dealing with such an idiot?' expression slotting in place on his face. "I'm leaving to go on a personal mission." Then, a little quieter, "I don't know how long it will take."

That's when it clicks into place- the whole avoidance thing, the way Kanda wouldn't even touch him unless asked, how even small signs of affection like touching his hair became an awkward gamble. The fact that Kanda hasn't been able to really look him in the eyes for a month now.

The tight ball of anger is back, sucks out everything inside of him and before he's realized what he's doing the few strides towards Kanda have been crossed and he's punched the taller man clear across the face, hard as if he was aiming to _hurt_.

Which he does- he can see it in the surprise of Kanda's eyes, the anger that slashes his mouth. Before he can do anything Kanda has wound up and punched him back, stepped forward as if he intends to do more.

Allen doesn't give him the chance, tackling him around the middle and crashing them into the table, which skids and falls but doesn't break underneath their weight.

The fight is mindless and stupid, and Allen can tell that the only reason Kanda's hitting back is because he doesn't know what else to do, how else to react to being hit. Which is fine with Allen because he's fighting for a reason, fuck, _a good reason_, even if it's just to show how much Kanda's hurt him emotionally by hurting him physically.

They grapple on the floor, Allen actually having the nerve to head butt Kanda in the mouth and shoving hard at his shoulder, legs tight around his; the other man makes an offended noise, something close to a curse, tries to grab his hands and pin them down. This is an exercise in futility because by the time he manages to grab one hand Allen's free hand claws at his shoulder and causes him to let go, bringing them back to grappling again.

Anger can only fuel so much and can drain so fast, though, whereas Kanda's self preservation can last as long as his stamina allows, so by the time Kanda gets Allen pinned it's an easy pin. It doesn't stop Allen from struggling though, lifting his elbows even though his wrists are attached to the ground by Kanda's grip.

He tries to buck him off, resorting to the easy, mindless writhing of someone so obviously defeated; Kanda just grips him harder and Allen gives a loud, pitiful yell and tries to head butt him again.

Kanda finally gets the smarts to brace himself far enough over Allen that he won't get the chance to resort to such stupid tactics again.

It's about this time that Allen realizes that his face is wet and it's not blood.

"You fucking asshole-" He chokes out, eyes wide and kind of wild. "You fucking asshole- I can't fucking _believe_ you-"

He gasps, a great heaving breath that stills him for a second before he starts struggling futilely again, the fight weak. Kanda just stares at him, emotions more clear on his face now than over the past few weeks but he's too busy in his own bundle of emotions to care, to analyze further.

He snarls, considers spitting in Kanda's face for a split second. "Fucking avoiding me, you _asshole_. You can't deal with your _intimacy issues_, so best leave me to go through your pile of _bullshit_ and figure it out on my own, right?"

This time he does spit in Kanda's face- or tries too, but ends up getting it in his hair when Kanda predicts the action a second too soon. He sneers anyway, takes a little satisfaction in the disgusted look the other man shoots him.

"I- I can't believe you can't even look me in the eyes and tell me to- to fucking- _fuck_," He says, because he doesn't have anything better to say, no way to voice the hurt and betrayal and, overall, the breaking heart. He closes his eyes tight, wishing he could find the words on the darkness of his eyelids but knows he's only serving to keep the tears from coming fast.

"Can't believe you'd fucking lead me on like that," He says, quietly, throat tight as he works the words past the emotions. "Can't- fuck, Kanda, you're not the best human being but I'd never thought you'd be this heartless."

There is silence; he isn't even struggling anymore, body completely drained; almost relaxed if it wasn't for the tight pinch of his face, him trying to get a hold of his emotions. Kanda's breath is ever quieter than his, barely audible above his shaky intakes of air.

"I'm sorry." Kanda says, the line of his body coiled against Allen's. Allen, the desperate part of him, is ready to accept it- to take it in wholeheartedly and maybe scrape up this whole fiasco and start over. It's the awkward way he says it though, the way it sounds as if he knows there is nothing else he _can_ say, that makes Allen release a bitter laugh, makes him relax in his defeated acceptance.

"No, Kanda." He hiccups, smiling bitterly. "You're not."

Another few minutes of silence, where Allen feels blank- blank, terribly blank. It's the blankness that gives him strength where he can find none, which helps him open his eyes and open his mouth to ask Kanda to let him go.

The words leave his mouth and enter Kanda's as the boy presses lips against him, nudges them open further into a sweet, tender kiss that would make Allen's heart ache usually, but just makes him kiss back with watered down bitterness.

The kiss is brief- so brief that Allen doesn't even close his eyes and when Kanda pulls back his eyes are full of want, of repentance- asking for forgiveness where Kanda wouldn't ever be able to find the words.

"One more time," He says, voice so controlled that Allen knows Kanda is actually asking for it; is pleading for it in his own special way.

He slides his eyes shut again, remains boneless under Kanda because even if the man starts begging Allen feels like being cruel. Feels like taking away a little bit of Kanda's shame away from him because he is just so tired of being the one whose embarrassed all the time.

"One more time, Allen." Kanda mouths against his collarbone, and it is his name that makes Allen open his eyes.

"Okay," He says. "Okay."

-------------------

Kanda pushes him up against the wall and presses bruising kisses against his throat, his shoulder, his chest; presses so hard against the wall that Allen can't even push his hips forward, is instead left gasping against his lips.

Kanda doesn't even have the grace to take it slow, draw it out until Allen can't help but begging, gasping, arching into it; instead, he's making Allen's breath hitch, makes him forgot to breath and think and just be.

Lips and teeth, Allen thinks, and grabs Kanda head to tilt him up and kiss him long and slow.

One long kiss later Kanda pulls back, lifts his own shirt over his head, presses a hard kiss against Allen's lips, just a brief tease before backing up and heading towards the bed. Allen follows, takes his own shirt off; before he can take off his pants Kanda hooks his fingers through his belt loops and pulls him on top, making Allen straddle him.

Their kisses are still hard and teasing, leaves Allen thrusting his hips into Kanda's; the other man grabs his wrists, drags them above their heads so they're chest to chest, skin sliding against skin hotly.

Allen has been thinking about this all month, whenever he didn't feel sick about the whole avoidance thing- in a meeting with Komui, during lunch, during training, cock hard in his pants. Remembers licking his lips like he could taste Kanda on them; hadn't even meant to think about it- just thought of the curve of Kanda's neck, the sweep of his hair, the creases between his hips and thighs. The softness of his skin and the deepness in his moans.

And then he had to cross his legs each time, stare with detached interest at the person he was talking too with a high, bright blush on his cheeks. Lenalee had giggled at him when it happened twice, handing him her clipboard playfully as if he needed to hide something from the world.

Kissing Kanda doesn't leave much room for thought, though, and he ends up gasping into his mouth when Kanda grabs his hips and brings them down to grind, slipping a finger beneath his leather pants to trace the curve of his ass. This makes him try to tug his hands up, but Kanda is having none of it; his hands shoot up, grip at them again, causes his fingertips to catch on the hair spread across the bedspread; makes the desire of the past month rise within him, taking the emptiness and discarding it like last night's whore.

He's at the perfect angle to press down, to rub his cock against Kanda's through the stiffness of their pants- does so, biting Kanda's lips at the same time and drawing a long moan from his mouth. Thrusts again, licking Kanda's teeth.

The steady rhythm, the way Kanda is giving as much as he receives- this would have made him come a month ago, made him soft and pliant and happy. As it is, this want that had almost become foreign over the past month picks up the early anger- the hot, hard anger and it simmers under his skin with his desire, makes it impossible to come from just rubbing.

He breaks the kiss, sits firm on Kanda's thighs- still. Bites at the skin under Kanda's jaw and doesn't bother to sooth it with a lick. Bites hard enough that it will show for days after, remind Kanda of him and what he's done to him whenever he looks in the mirror.

Kanda lets go of his hands, hands slithering between them to undo Allen's pants, to cup his cock through the material and make him groan hard into his chest. His own hand pushes against the bedspread, makes him brace himself over Kanda.

The expression on Kanda's face is hot and dirty, hurried. Allen grins down at him, a little sharply; licks his lips as he kneels and leisurely undoes the buttons of his pants while pressing down.

Kanda rocks up, watches his face with his mouth bruised red and a fantastic purple mark springing to life on his neck. Allen takes his time, doesn't let his eyes leave Kanda's as he pulls open his fly and grabs his cock, giving it slow, soft strokes.

Allen just does that for a minute, gaze not once breaking away even though he feels like closing his eyes, gasping into the feeling- because. Because, despite all the bullshit of the past month, Kanda was still his fantasy. Would probably still be his fantasy, guiltily, until he found someone else to love.

The deep noise Kanda makes in his throat is satisfying enough and instead of pushing him back down, like he wants too, he lets the taller man sit up, claim his mouth.

Kanda steers him with his hips, makes him step off the bed while he tugs his pants down further, down his thighs and past his knees until Allen crawls back into his lap, can kick the rest of it off.

They work on getting Kanda's pants off, get distracted with the hot weight of Allen's dick on Kanda's stomach when he arches up- manage to get them off finally by going back to simple, dirty kissing and tugging them off hard.

Their both naked now and it's oddly- satisfying, makes what used to be innocent want flutter in his heart. It's squished by the newer want, the rougher desire spiked with anger that makes their sex two steps below fighting, from aiming to hurt and instead aiming to make the pleasure a little painful.

Allen rubs his fingers in the precome that's collecting on Kanda's stomach; grabs Kanda's hand and guides him to wrap a hand around their dicks and jerk in a slow, teasing rhythm that leaves Allen huffing into the other man's mouth, who licks at his lips like they're the best thing to taste.

Kanda's still kissing him, jerking them off slowly, too preoccupied with it all to notice when Allen guides his hand back to his own asshole and pushes in; doesn't notice until Allen's mouth slides against his uselessly in a moan, rocking into his hand out of rhythm, desperate.

Kanda's hand tightens around them, makes a noise of appreciation rip from his throat as he rocks forward, fucking himself on his fingers with no finesse, no lube except his own come because he likes the tight stretch, is enjoying the burn in a more than masochistic way.

He's barely gotten two fingers in himself, is hardly used to it before he feels like being filled up with more, something larger and harder and so much more Kanda. He grabs for Kanda's dick, aims it towards his asshole and relishes in the surprised, pleased sound that escapes Kanda's throat as he pushes down in one smooth stroke, hissing.

The burn is incredible, hurts in the best and worst possible ways and when he even moves forward a tiny fraction, lets Kanda's cock slip out even just a little bit, it makes him arch his spine forward. As much as he likes the pain right now, the reminder that this is the last time he's going to be doing this with Kanda, and he knows he won't get off if it's like this.

He spits in his hand, makes it as thick as he can before reaching behind him, rubbing it as close to the hole as possible; sighs when it helps a little, just enough that he can pull forward, brace his hands against the wall and fuck down.

It feels- so good. Amazing, the stretch of his body as it tries to accommodate something it isn't used too anymore. Remembers that the first month after they had first had sex his hole had been open wide and sore, puckered red and wet because Kanda had fucked him so much. Remembers enjoying the soreness so much that his dick would be half hard throughout the day, until Kanda pulled him in and fucked him again.

This as almost as good, the feeling of being despoiled and stretched wide, and he can't help it when his eyes flutter closed and his mouth opens, lets his breath drop and hitch with every move of his hips as his hands curl against the wall.

Kanda is the one being used right now, he thinks, even though he had asked for it first. Even though he was the one who had said 'one last time', unsure of what else to do.

Another groan drops out his mouth as Kanda hits that space within him, neglected for so long after being touched so much that it makes his spine curl, makes him bite his lip hard enough that there is a hint of a metallic taste heavy on his tongue.

He fucks himself effortlessly on Kanda, hard and fast and with no finesse, stopping to get a better angle when it isn't working and slowing when he finds it, that space- he's hardly aware of Kanda's hands on his hips, Kanda's eyes one his face.

Isn't aware of any of it until Kanda curses, grabs him around the back and pulls Allen down onto him; rolls them over, hand pressing into the back of Allen's knees until they're pressed against his chest, hooked over Kanda's shoulders.

The pace that Kanda sets is hard and fast and just at the right spot, that perfect spot that makes Allen's hands come up grip into Kanda's face as keeling little cries escape him.

Whereas he was using Kanda before, though, lost in finding his own pleasure, Kanda is different; in the way he thrusts forward, hard but careful, aiming for that spot every time, lips pressed against Allen's messily. Kanda is different in that he's trying to get them both off, make the last time as perfect as he can.

What an apology, says a voice in Allen's head, but he drowns it out, opens his mouth wide against Kanda's and touches Kanda's tongue with his, a hard press.

He can tell when the other man's close, the way his arms bunch and when his hips snap hard with mindlessness; encourages by panting hard, biting at Kanda's lips, tightening impossibly around Kanda's cock to send him over the edge.

The feeling of Kanda coming inside him makes him purr, try to push into Kanda's hips as the other man thrusts hard, dragging out the last of his pleasure. A sweaty forehead connects with his shoulder and he turns his head, bites at the ear as Kanda moans into his neck.

When he pulls out it's almost immediately, cock spent against his thigh; Allen panics momentarily, hoping to God that the Order won't mind if he kills Kanda because that will be surely what happens if Kanda doesn't finish him off.

Just in case Kanda tries, Allen grabs his hair, kisses him dirty before growling into his mouth.

"Suck me off Kanda," He says, thrusting his hips up emphatically. "One more time, fuck, c'mon."

He doesn't let his hair go, guides Kanda's head to between his legs and moans hard, bucking up, when Kanda opens his mouth and licks a hot, filthy line up his cock.

He doesn't want teasing though- just wants Kanda's mouth around his cock, sucking hard, tongue licking around him. Growls out Kanda's name to conveys this and moans, thrusting up when Kanda gets it and swallows him down as much as he can.

It's always a hot sight, watching Kanda suck down his cock like the best of sluts- the way his mouth stretches nice and wide, jaw working, eyelashes long sweeps against his cheeks. The wet of his mouth when he pulls off to breath, a thin strand of precome the only thing connecting his mouth to Allen's cock.

It's always really the sight, even though the sucking is nice too, that really gets Allen off- this time is no different it seems, because in no time he's thrusting up, fucking Kanda's mouth and loving that Kanda's letting him, throat working to take him all down.

It also really amazes Allen that Kanda can swallow almost everything- almost, and right now Allen wants him to swallow everything, every last drop, so he grabs his hair, fist tight as he let's out one last groan before spilling into Kanda's mouth.

Kanda doesn't even fight the grip, sucking hard at the sensitive skin of his dick as it softens in his mouth.

He doesn't let go, even when he's sure he's not coming anymore, when he knows Kanda's swallowed it all down. Instead pulls Kanda up to kiss him, taste him in his mouth as their tongues tangle.

But then a voice in Allen's head says 'one last time' and he pulls away, lets the other man bite at his Adam's apple before pulling him off, sitting up.

His back complains at the movement, protesting 'too soon' even as he gets up and bends to grab his pants. He knows he's a mess, sweat and spit covering his chest and neck, but-

He doesn't know what else to do. Knows that if he stays too long, he'll get angry again and then he'd be a lot more hurt and- and if he's the one that leaves first maybe it will make the hurt a bit better in the end, make it hurt less because it was Allen that walked away from 'one last time', not Kanda.

Pulling on his pants, he tries not to look behind him- back towards Kanda, who will look totally debauched and deliciously used and a month ago Allen probably would have gone for another round, licking into Kanda's mouth until he convinced Kanda a second (and probably third) round was called for. Actually desperately needed.

He manages to get his pants on and his shirt on- even though he leaves it unbuttoned- while ignoring the urge to turn around and Look.

With his hand on the doorknob, the urge is so strong that he actually tilts a little; stops because he has to be the first to walk away. Has to be.

"Good luck." He blurts out instead, and is out the door before he can say or feel anything else.

--------------------------------

When he was younger, crying tired him out- made sleep so impossible to avoid that fifteen minutes after the tears had dried up he would have hunched in on himself in sleep, hands curled near his face.

He had been expecting it right after he left Kanda's, actively praying for it actually- had been grateful when he felt it tugging at the edges of his conscience before he had taken two steps outside of the door.

When he had reached his bed, his body had even agreed to sleep, collapsing with no energy left to even shrug off his shirt and kick off his uncomfortably tight pants.

But- when he had closed his eyes, nothing happened.

He had thought, maybe- his system was still stressed. Aroused, whatever. At any rate, his body wasn't quite calm yet. He'd give it a couple minutes- half an hour at most. He could at least shrug off his clothes now that he wasn't immediately passing out, climb into bed gloriously naked and dirty.

But that hadn't worked either- had been forty five minutes before Allen had decided that maybe he was secretly disgusted with the state of his body. Maybe needed a shower or four before he could crawl into his sheets, enjoy the cool linen against his skin.

And even then- nothing. Two showers and a bath later- two hot, one cold- his mind and body were begging for sleep, made his eyes heavy and his body heavier. He had thought- yes. Soon. Ten minutes, maybe. Maybe.

But nothing.

And he kept on making excuses and it was stupid and it was then he realized it was because he knew he didn't want to end it with Kanda. Not like this, not when Allen could wait and Kanda could return and- even if he couldn't wait or Kanda didn't return he wasn't like that. He didn't like bad endings and his morals refused to let him be as horrible as he had been.

By the time he realized this it was- four seventeen. Four thirty were when the boats opened, when the first ferryman made his way down to the canal incase anyone had a long road ahead of them. Or- or if they just wanted to leave early, like Kanda always did.

This knowledge made him freeze, made his heart slow but his mind wide awake with the unused adrenaline. It was when he hadn't moved for three minutes when he realized he was afraid- afraid that even though he had ended it like that, if he tried to move past that and leave his memory of Kanda tarnished with ruined love behind, and if Kanda rejected him-

But.

What was worse than avoiding him? What was worse than the last month, of the dread curling around his stomach like overgrown vines?

This is what makes him tug on pants, dirty ones from the night before. This is what makes him search for his shoes frantically before giving up, grabbing his jacket. This is what makes him forget locking to door to his room, too busy pulling on his coat and striding down the corridor with bare feet.

This is what spurs him on, because- what can be worse than leaving things like this?

By the time he reaches the entrance to the canals, the stairs curving downwards, Allen notes that there is already soft light touching the ceiling. He sends a quick prayer to God, prays that Kanda hasn't left and is still there, waiting.

This doesn't make his steps hurried, though; actually makes them sluggish as he realizes he might be doing a very stupid thing, going to Kanda and apologizing and trying to make things better because maybe Kanda doesn't want things better.

But.

He doesn't let himself think about him, forces one foot in front of the other until he's on the last step and around the corner .

When he rounds the corner, a sense of despair takes him over because there is Komui, wrapped tight in his uniform coat as he whistles a tune too cheery for anytime of day. There is one boat missing, and a ferryman throwing oars into all the boats.

There is no Kanda, and Allen wishes he had felt horrible sooner.

Komui finally notices him though, eyebrows furrowing in thought. "Allen?"

Allen smiles wobbly, takes a couple steps forward- not enough that he's in the light but just enough that he's visible. He isn't sure he can hold it together with Komui looking at him so hard.

"Did-" He starts, then takes a second to clear his throat. The noise is loud and startling against the silence, and for a second he feels like it will drown out his words. "Did Kanda leave yet?"

Komui brow furrows further, and he opens his mouth-

"Not yet, Allen."

Allen whips around, is faced with the sight of Kanda flanked by Lavi and Lenalee. Is faced with the sight of Kanda's absolutely _confused_ look, as if he can't believe the name had escaped his mouth.

The situation is hysterical for a second- hilarious, which causes a big stupid smile to spread across his face.

"You called me Allen." He points out, grin still stupid on his face.

Kanda pauses, surveys him- and now that Allen's- well, not calm, but _focused_, he can see the uncertainty in Kanda's eyes, the caution in the line of his mouth.

"I did." He says simply, and before Allen can think of anything else to say or do he's striding forward, hands reaching out to grasp at the lapels of Kanda's open coat.

"You called me Allen." He says again, as if he can't believe it, and up close there's a flicker of amusement in Kanda's face; something like the teasing they had before.

"Are you deaf or something?" Kanda scowls, and Allen can only see the playfulness in it even though there is definitely some derision in there. "I know."

Allen laughs at that, hands tight in Kanda's coat; doesn't realize how hard he's holding until Kanda's hands slip up his arms to grasp at his shoulders, gripping so gently that it's like the lover's hold Allen's always wanted from him.

This makes the smile slip off his face, replaced with teeth catching in his lip as he looks up at Kanda who looks down at him, waiting.

"I'm sorry, Kanda." He finally says, softly, refusing to let his eyes wander because Kanda needs to know that he _is_ sorry; that he feels horrible and that he means it and if he could do it again he'd make love to Kanda until he had to leave, or even simply hold him until they both slept. "You're- you're not heartless and- I can kind of-"

Well, no, he can't see why Kanda would do such a horrible thing by trying to break the whole thing off by _avoiding_ him, so he swallows those words back and says, instead, "I- I know you don't want this anymore, but I'll still wait for you Kanda. I'll wait until you return because I love you and I know you will."

Before he confesses his love, says the words, he lets his eyes slip closed because he wasn't that brave- couldn't face rejection so upfront after telling Kanda he loved him.

The warm hands on his shoulders don't hesitate- not even a second's space after he's done speaking- sliding up his shoulders and to his face, and when Kanda tilts his head up to kiss him Allen opens his mouth in surprise, surrendering into the kiss

The cold tingle of shock strips down his spine, leaves him feeling so bare and wide open that he makes a noise into Kanda's mouth, pushing into his embrace.

The kiss is so soft and sweet and just- so, so what Allen wishes his future is like. This kiss is what makes him realize that Kanda is sorry, that Kanda wants him, that Kanda- who will never say it out loud- might love him, maybe.

For all it's loveliness the kiss is short, chaste, and when Kanda pulls back he rests his head against Allen's, looking closely at him.

"I'm not promising I'll be back." He says, voice rough. "I might die."

Allen shakes his head minutely, doesn't want to shake Kanda's hands off his face. "I'll still wait for you."

Kanda's face tightens, as if he can't believe Allen. "The best thing you can hope for is years down the road, bean sprout."

Allen's smile is wide and a little heartbreaking, which he can only tell by the chaste kiss Kanda presses to his lips.

"My name is Allen," He chides in retaliation, hands loosening in Kanda's coat. "You think you'd get it after the first time, but I guess not."

Kanda snorts, and something like content breaks onto his face at the curl of his lips. "That was an accident. I'm half asleep."

Allen laughs at that, steps back when Kanda's hands slide off his face. "I think it might just be your stupidity showing."

At this Kanda glares, genuinely, and this is what slaps Allen back into reality- makes him realize this isn't a pent up fantasy or a dream, or even a sick trick his imagination is playing on him.

Before Kanda can see his face he slides his hands under his coat, hooks his hands behind Kanda's back in a tight hug; buries his face in Kanda's chest and breathes deep, tries to breath in all he can of Kanda. One last time, he thinks.

Kanda briefly hugs him back, all his affection apparently used up in the one very public kiss. When Allen pulls back Kanda scowls at him, causing him to laugh and shove lightly at Kanda's shoulders.

Near the canals Kanda says goodbye to Lavi and Lenalee- apparently has to stretch his affection limit when both leap towards him, crowding for a hug. The absolute horror and awkwardness on his face makes Allen laugh out loud again, smirking as Kanda shoots him a glare that wishes for his death.

To Komui, he shakes his hand and thanks him; the Chinese man just smiles, tells Kanda that he will still be considered a member of the Black Order and that all the resources available to him now will be available to him whenever he needs it.

As Kanda climbs into the boat, turning to give them one last long look as the ferryman pushes them out, Lenalee's hand find Allen's, gripping it tightly.

"You alright, Allen?" She whispers, giving one last wave to Kanda's back as he disappears around the corner.

And Allen thinks about it- thinks about patience as a virtue, of love lasting over time and distance making the heart grow fonder.

He's happy when he's able to answer truthfully, and the small smile on Lenalee's face as he answers her just makes him feel that much warmer.

"Yeah," He says. "I'll be fine."

------------------------------

**THIS IS the Final Chapter!** It's been a long time since I started this story- hoooly shit, yes, for sure. And, as it is, **there is also an epilogue chapter**, which I will post Wednesday since it's very short!

Thank you for staying with me all the way guys- it means a lot .


	10. Epilogue

EPILOGUE- THREE AND A HALF YEARS LATER

Tim is huge. Too huge to be rolled off of him Allen thinks after the fifth try. The yellow golem squirms about in his lap, giving him a wicked grin as it settles into a more comfortable position between Allen's legs.

It also doesn't help that he had chosen to sit against the wall, so he can't even back up. The only thing he can be thankful for is that Timcampy makes a comfortable armrest.

That's the only bright side, he thinks, wincing as Tim's wings flapped up and jostled his elbow hard. He was growing to be a little monster. Then again, he had always been a little monster. Maybe it was a side effect of being made by Cross.

At any rate, comfy armrest.

As soon as Tim settles down he starts reading his book again, the wide text spread across Tim's back.

It's a very absorbing read, and kind of difficult, detailing Dante Alighieri's walk through the three realms of hell. It's also the most difficult thing Allen has tackled so far, and he's been working two years on improving his reading skills. It also helps that Lenalee and Lavi were absolute slave drivers once they had volunteered to teach him- combine that with the fact that they were a couple (only known to Allen and Komui), and you had one scary, mind-sharing team.

The text is so absorbing and difficult, in fact, that he doesn't notice Lavi's golem until it literally dive bombs his head. The golem also has the finesse of his owner- Allen rubs his head where he is sure a bump will appear tomorrow.

"What?" He grumps at it, glaring straight into the eye. He's sure Lavi can see his anger because the laugh that comes through the line is bright.

"Come down Allen! We got a surprise for you, eh?"

Allen glares into the eye again, putting on the sternest face possible for the redhead's benefit. "We're not having another birthday dinner for me, are we? We've already had two and my birthday was two weeks ago."

He can practically hear the smile in Lavi's voice, the utter happiness, which Allen does find a little odd because birthday dinners were wonderful and all, yes, but Jerry had learned over the course of Allen's stay at the Order that he could cook any kind of food and Allen would devour it all.

"No no no, baby!" Lavi practically screams, having to be heard over the din that had suddenly rose behind him. "Come on down and see! Quick now!"

"Alright, alright." Allen grumbles, and the golem flies off without another attempt at injuring him.

He takes another minute to rest, fingers prodding at the juncture where Tim's wings met his back; the golem finally grumbles in a fairly silent way and rolls off, stretching it's wings wide as Allen gets up and dusts off his pants.

He makes the walk slow and leisurely, aware that Lavi was overexcited about something. Something stupid maybe, like a new, hot exorcist or a mountain of old books. Not that he could do anything with the former, as Lenalee wouldn't talk to him for weeks, or the latter, because his room was practically a library in and out of itself, but. Something Lavi liked.

The walk is long, anyway, from where he had been reading up in the tower. It was nice and calm up there; cool. It also had a nice memory in it, though Allen didn't really like dwelling on it for too long.

He's about to just head to his room, drop the book off just so it wouldn't be a burden, when Lenalee's golem finds him- it buzzes about excitedly, so fast that he can hardly hear what Lenalee is saying.

"Allen Walker, if you don't get down to the entrance right at this moment I am going too- oh my God, just hurry up!!!" She screams into the microphone before her golem zips off, leaving him in its dust.

Allen's brow furrows as he stares after it. Alright. Maybe it was something both Lavi and Lenalee were crazy about?

Tim nudged him into action, making him walk forward quicker than he had been planning too- a light slap to the head didn't deter the golem at all, and instead got him a rough head butt in between the shoulder blades.

"Alright, alright," He mumbled, glaring at Tim and picking up his space. "You want me to hurry too, so I'll hurry!"

His steps were quick, but still slower than Timcampy's as it glanced back it him every two seconds in an expression that told him to get his ass in gear. He complied, turning his stride into a jog, but not without sticking his tongue out first.

When he got down to the entrance, a whole large crowd was milling about the doors, talking excitedly. Allen had the horrible, dreadful feeling that it was Cross, back after years of going AWOL around the world. That would be why Lenalee was excited- she always had a crush on the man. Lavi too, though he said it was strictly admiration.

He was about to turn heel, walk away before his master could see him, when his eyes caught a flash of black hair.

It made his breath hitch, made his heart ache with the memory- which was ridiculous because there was a lot of people at the Black Order with black hair and it hadn't ever made him take a trip down memory lane before. He was just being ridiculous and-

"Allen!"

Lenalee's screech brought him to a halt from where he had stood, dazed, and he tried to pick her out of the crowd, tried to see above the hundreds of people milling about.

He didn't have to wait long as the crowd parted, and before him-

He felt his heart ache, hard, and he swore he couldn't breath. There was no way this was real, that-

But it was- it had to be, because Lenalee was smiling widely, gripping one arm, while Lavi's grin was covering half his face. And, in the middle of them-

"Kanda." He breathed, eyes wide in disbelief.

Kanda, whose hair was a little shorter than he remembered; Kanda, whose tattoo had grown so large and black that a couple of tendrils curled up his neck, ending at the curve of his cheek; Kanda, who looked almost the exact same after three and a half years but with a self satisfied look on his face, as if all was right with his world.

Kanda, whose smirk curved into something more like a smile and who said, in the deep voice he thought he'd only hear in his dreams for years to come:

"I'm home, bean sprout."


End file.
